I will admit to laziness for the clutter in the unfinished basement stuff. And currently the den… but that will get cleared once all the Christmas stuff is re-boxed and returned to the basement.
There is a photographer credit in the byline. I think that’s her actual house.
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Those are “stopover storage” areas and as such have nothing to do with actual clutter or messiness.
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It is interesting to read all this criticism. I believe that the Times published this piece as a counterpoint to the Marie Kondo, etc. “influencers” pitching organizational ideals and methods.
Whatever floats your boat. And please remember that a therapist’s personal life should have nothing to do with his/her practice. I learned at her funeral and a shiva call that a remarkable therapist who helped me change my life for the better when I was in my 40s had a cold fish of a husband. Never mind that her grown children were accomplished, empathetic adults in their own lives (by all appearances).
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In that case leaving out the pictures would have been better for their counterpoint. Right now the point is “I’m overwhelmed and send help” vibe.
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Honestly not sure what your point is? Was she supposed to change him? Live with him despite it? It’s all her fault he was cold and gave decent advice nonetheless?
Just curious.
Not sure a funeral is a good place for learning the actual personality of any grieving person, let alone what they may have been like in private with their recently deceased spouse.
Long story, but although as a good therapist, she didn’t share details about her life, I saw hints of this throughout her terminal illness. Seeing him in their home with their children made everything click.
If we are bringing up the influencer world and people making money off of Amazon links for storage solutions (sure there are many!) then I’ll add the idea of “maximalist style” to this discussion.
What Is Maximalism? “Maximalism is the art of more-is-more; layered patterning, highly saturated colors, ample accessories and art (likely hung “salon-style”), and a real sense of playfulness and bold gestures
So basically maximalists (in home style) are the opposite of minimalists - they like lots of stuff and layering but sort of in an organized way. Purposefully bringing more into a home for the purpose of styling “things” but with an eye to layered decor. Lots of stuff but not stuff on the floor, stuff where it doesn’t belong, etc.
Maximalist styling is not for me but I get it more. But it’s sort of like organized clutter.
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Maybe great right up until telling the kids “This will ALL be yours someday!”
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I don’t mind a little bit of clutter, but excess clutter is just too much for me. The kind of clutter I don’t like is when stuff just piles up, on a desk or table and there is so much stuff that you can’t use the desk or table. Or the floor is so cluttered you can’t walk around. I also don’t like living like a slob, leaving unwashed dishes in the sink for days on end, leaving food containers in bedrooms, not taking out the garbage very often, that isn’t good. Living like a slob and being dirty isn’t really good and it’s different than clutter. I’m sorry to say my nephew can be a bit of a slob and that may be why no one really likes to spend time at his house…
D has a friend who is very cluttered and you can’t use her dining room table because the whole thing is piled high with all sorts of things…and there isn’t much counter space in her kitchen because that’s all piled high with stuff too…D said it makes her feel claustrophobic.
To each their own, I guess.
One thing that can minimize clutter is to go though stuff and get rid of stuff you no longer use/need.
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My bil and sil got divorced after 30 years.
Their house was pretty messy, piles of stuff heaped on the dinning room table. Lots of stuff everywhere.
Their kids remarked that dad’s house was neat but that mom’s house looked like theirs did before the divorce. It was eye opening for the kids to see how each part of the couple was without the other.
I’ve talked about my house in another thread. My mom is obsessively clean. My sense of order is more relaxed.
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I agree with your post. Everyone gets to live as they wish, including people who live in constantly messy homes. My only objection is the bold attempt to portray chaos and mess as a virtue.
Being a slob doesn’t make anyone more creative or imaginative and it definitely doesn’t make anyone a better parent. Those qualities exist independently from one another.
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I consider that “dirty”, not messy. I’m fairly clutter tolerant, like things out where I can see and use. (That includes some various coupons and to-do items on the kitchen desk chair, various baskets of stuff around the house.) I have more small appliance etc on the counter than most folks would want. I dislike dirty dishes in the family room or sink, though a soaking pot is ok. And clean items in the drainer half of the sink are ok for a while too.
Many people are neater than me, usually fine. But Dad’s wife can drive me nuts. My son and I once spent a week staying with Dad, taking to him to radiation treatments when she had to be out of town. I stayed organized by always keeping my purse, sweater and windbreaker on the same kitchen chair. When she got home, we had less than half day overlap…. but she felt she had to relocate my stuff to my room (without mentioning it to me). It helped her diffuse her clutter phobia, but it put me into a brief panic.
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I would be your dads wife. I would want to move your stuff to your room or a coat closet! I might try to refrain but it would bug me everyday lol!
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I have found that having a cleaning person come over every two weeks helps keep our house clean in more ways than one. A person can’t clean in a cluttered space, so our “cleaning before the cleaning day” kept my home from being extremely messy.
But since our last move to a much smaller house, we haven’t had a cleaner. But a small space can get cluttered very easily and it drives me crazy. I insisted that we get someone to come to our house and do a deep cleaning before our daughter and her SO came for Christmas*. So we did some much needed decluttering beforehand. Thankfully, my husband is pretty obsessive about keeping the kitchen counters clean and decluttered all the time. But I’m messy, and I might return to having a regular cleaning person.
*Deep cleaning is expensive! The cleaner gave me a first quote of $750, but when I said that was way beyond my budget, we came to an agreement of $350. But two cleaners were here in my 1700 sq ft home for 4.5 hours! I normally paid about $240/month on a regular basis.
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After I saw your comment, I had to click on the article and look for the food waste, but I couldn’t find it! Which photo shows food waste on the floor?
Well she had come home late the prior night, and I was leaving after breakfast. So it was not like she had to tolerate it very long. (Usually when I visit she’s home, and I do keep all my stuff in my lower level bedroom.)
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OMG I would not like “Maximalism”. My MIL used to say that my living room table looked “too empty, maybe throw some magazines on there” and it gave me agita. Why would I make a mess on purpose? Some people describe spaces as “sterile” like that’s a bad thing.
Currently, we’re looking for a vacation property on airbnb and the fuss/stuff in the rooms gets on my nerves. I’d much rather go/be somewhere with a lot of totally empty surfaces and tightly made beds. That is very, very soothing for some of us.
As for the article, I would be very uncomfortable in that space for more than a few minutes. However, the trash can itself doesn’t bother me. It is a good place to dump a heck of a lot of things and not run out of capacity.
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I believe her point was that she is messy and it was very stressful trying to be neat all the time. And that being messy is not a fault or the sign of her being a bad person/morther. Being a “good housekeeper” is ingrained in most women from an early age. Being messy, even to a much lesser extent than the author, is considered a failure. Having a home that is company ready at all time is seen as a virture. Clearly, most of the commenters here disagree - at least one calling her lazy and another assuming she is a bad therapist. She is arguing against that idea.
This degree of messiness could be an issue for the other members of the family. Living with family members with ADHD, especially when its the mom, can be challenging for the naturally tidy. She also states that her home is not dirty, just messy.
If you google the author, she wrote a book about this issue which has many good reviews.
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