<p>I get that Sarum, but what I am saying is the opposite. Integrity and honesty and bravery etc. without a good education leaves you lacking also.</p>
<p>You know where is the most effective place to develop that “list of characters”, Sarum. Army. :)</p>
<p>Regardless of where you find them, I like those values. </p>
<p>And I like the values highlighted in the article - optimisim, persistence, grit in its proper perspective. </p>
<p>So how do I get them for my kids - this may be something they have to learn by doing. I can thump the tub for Culver, where I think the kids do get a lot of experience in real life issues. But it doesn’t have to be any one school - any school where the adults give the kids chances to try to do serious things - whether its the honor council or dorm councils or prefects/proctors - and treats their efforts seriously, can probably do some good. </p>
<p>I think the kids want to be taken seriously - and will give us what we expect of them. We have to learn how to state our expectations in ways that will bring out the character we want to see. “ivy league acceptance” may do it - or it may not. </p>
<p>Still working on my list of expectations. Trying to state things in a way that it isn’t gameable. </p>
<p>I had a really nice experience this weekend - I do a lot of soccer refereeing in the local rec league, and as part of that, last spring had to give a 14 year old player a red card for clobbering the goalie. On Sunday, I was reffing the same kid. In the middle of the game, he was in a situation where he could have hurt the goalie, but didn’t - and as he jogged by me, he said “did you notice how I’m staying away from the goalie this season”. Yup, I did notice, and thanked him for it - and hope he felt as positively as I did about the experience. They really do listen.</p>
<p>7D. Thanks for posting. Great article. For my DDs the BS experience has certainly helped build character. The both have learned to deal with more HW than they can possibly do to their personal standards, and had to therefore set priorities, and deal with the frustration of not being as prepared as they would like. The high level of their classmate’s achievements have helped them learn to persevere even when they are not the “best” at something. Their relationship with teachers, and the high behavior expectations, have helped tham learn accountability and how to advocate for themselves without being overly self-centered. </p>
<p>We have tried to reinforce character by always emphasizing the importance of effort and ethics over grades and competition. Earning the grade, getting the part, making the team is less important than did you show up and try your best.</p>
<p>For my DDs the BS experience helped them experience those challenges that build character in HS rather than college. I think for many students who have always been the best and brightest in HS, college (where everyone was the best and the brightest in HS) can be a real shock to the system. I think for my DDs they might have had more fun had they gone to PS , but certainly would be less “prepped”.</p>
<p>1012mom,
I definitely agree with you that, at BS, being part of the close village-like community does require its citizens to be more selfless in the way you describe. A preening hyper-competitive selfish style does not work well in such a place!! The BS students begin to see each other as whole people, not just in terms of their grades or other achievements. They value all the subtle inter-personal contributions that their colleagues make to the bring the community together. To me, this is a kind of maturity.</p>
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<p>Looks like you don’t know much about Andover and Exeter. As per CC posts, they are hyper-competitive places even though students claim they compete with themselves. 
On the otherhand, schools like Deerfield are as academic minus the competition, best high school experience, imo.</p>
<p>Invent,</p>
<p>Harkness actively discourages hyper-competitiveness because students are graded not just on how well prepared they are, but on how thoughtfully they interact with one another to keep the conversation flowing around the table. I think that’s why Exeter students describe the competition as internal. Lots of student-to-student help too–fostered by the mix of grades in the dorms.</p>
<p>Glad you’re having such a great experience at Deerfield. :)</p>
<p>Invent:
Different strokes for different folks, as in Deerfield might be the right fit for some but not others. Though my St. Pauls son’s Grandfather is a Deerfield grad, my son absolutely hated the school from an applicant’s viewpoint. I agreed with him it would not have been a good fit, he is thriving at St. Pauls.
Are you an Deerfield Admissions employee, current student, graduate or other?</p>
<p>Speaking of “Sarum’s list”, boarding school, and – the army, here’s a good story.</p>
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<p>Sarum,
I’m pretty sure Invent is not a DA student (though I could certainly be wrong). It seems that he/she simply enjoys coming on to the boards and make snarky/obnoxious comments and rarely elevates the discussion. I feel certain that no school, including DA, would like to have him/her as their representative on CC. My 2 cents.</p>
<p>Bienvenido hola3 espalda despu</p>
<p>Wow, is that a foreign language? Then you must be indeed a DA student! Seriously, Invent, why are you still here? Since March 10, all you do has been question the value of BS/private eduation, attack Andover, then weirdly use Deerfield as a weapon to further attack Andover + Exeter… Do you really get a kick out of this? Really? It’s been over six months! This time, I am not joking. I am not saying you are seriously not well but it’d help if you could get some counseling.</p>
<p>I suggest you get a life, hopefully more exciting than talking about how great Andover is!</p>
<p>This thread was not about specific boarding schools. It was about character-building, and how it can happen at boarding school.</p>
<p>DA post #29! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Thank you.</p>