I don’t think about it. I’m a live in the moment person. My unspoken grief is missing with all my heart when my boys were little. I appreciate our lives now and I loved every moment to the fullest when they were small, but geez it went by in the blink of an eye.
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Disclaimer: I’m about to become a grandparent twice over–one from each of my children!
Which is great and of course I’m very happy! But not for me–but for them. They both wanted kids and I’m glad they’ll be able to experience parenthood and its joys (and tribulations). I raised mine and loved the experience (I tend to have a short memory for the bad parts) and am estatic for them to do the same but only because it’s something they truly want.
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This is me. But I’m not 50 somthing, I’m 68 and I don’t think I’d be up to all the running around my in-laws did with my kids since they were only 19 years older than us. Two of my youngest boys are not married, one does not have a significant other. I just want to make sure they have someone to be with them as they travel through life, all the way to the end.
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I am interested in this topic. I’m not close to having grandkids, afaik. Both my kids have stable relationships, but I have yet to think, “hope they have kids of their own.” Yes, it would be nice, but I never envision myself as a future grandparent.
My daughter says she will probably have kids. My son has said for the last couple of years that he doesn’t want children. No problem. He might change his mind, or maybe fate will intervene. I feel it would be a bummer for him if he never has kids, but it’s not my life.
I think I will be a good grandparent when and if the time comes, but I just can’t visualize it at all and I never long for it to happen. Having said that, i have saved some of my kids’ favorite books and toys, just in case. It would be a shame to get rid of those things that they may want one day for their own kids.
It’s absolutely fine to wish you could be a grandparent. That’s a valid feeling. Where there would be a problem, IMO, would be expressing disappointment to your children about not being a grandparent. Some things just shouldn’t be shared. If your child chooses not to have children, they don’t need to know that you’re disappointed. If your child doesn’t find a life partner & they won’t be having children as a single parent, they don’t need to know that you’re disappointed. If your child wants children and is having difficulty conceiving, they don’t need the added stress of knowing that you are disappointed (you can tell them that you are sad for them, but don’t make it about you). If you need to talk about it, find a therapist or a trusted friend you’re sure won’t spill the beans.
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I’m guessing that 99% of the time, those who choose not to have kids are perfectly well aware that their parents are likely to be disappointed, even very disappointed. I agree that you shouldn’t project guilt onto your kids or pester them about it. But OTOH I think that if you have a healthy relationship with them, it’s okay to at some point be honest and acknowledge that you’re disapointed but respect their decision.
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My kids are nowhere near this decision, but I do worry about a society of lonely elders in 70 years. Anyone who has spent time in nursing homes and assisted living facilities has seen the residents with no kin. It’s tough.
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Replying to myself for context.
Had dinner tonight with my 30 year old son and his girlfriend of 8 years. I mentioned this thread. Told them they wouldn’t have any pressure from me for grandkids. Son’s girlfriend pointed out, however, that I frequently do ask them when they are getting a dog.
I am consistent!
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There is a pro-natalist movement afoot in the US currently and this article falls right in line with it. That said I love my grands dearly and am grateful for the time I have with them.
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Grief? No, I don’t get that at all. I absolutely loved being a mom every step of the way. But, I see my role as raising my children to be decent people who find people and work they love. Full stop. Their decisions about their lives are not about me and are not for me. My sons are in committed relationships and have talked about not having kids. If either of them wanted kids but was unable to do so, my heart would break for them, but not for me.
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I get that, but for the sake of the country overall, I hope the “pro-natalists” aren’t the only ones having children. Which doesn’t mean any individual should (one of mine has two, the other almost certainly isn’t going to), but I do worry about the demographics of one group steadily increasing its percentage compared to the rest.
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If there is any grief it all for me it is grief for my kids or other family members who would like to have children/be parents but there is some type of roadblock in the way of that happening.
I have a niece who is in her mid 40’s who has always wanted nothing more than to be a mother. She has some spectrum/social issues and has never been in a relationship. I feel sad for her as having a child/being a stay at home mom is her true dream.
No grandchildren for us yet. Not sure what the future holds. The one thing I do think about is how my kids (3) really embrace our family unit, having siblings, and the same in their partner’s families…I would think they would want to live that as well in their home - but those are their choices to make.
I do have some very lovable grandpups. 
(my mom never could understand… “why does everyone have dogs instead of kids!!”) Lol.
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I’ve always wondered why everyone has dogs instead of cats. 
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Now THAT is another thread topic… 
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While clearly it is the kid’s decision, I will be very sad if I never beomce a grandparent. My kids know this. The two older ones have said they don’t want them, but that may change and it will also depend on what their future partners want. I even had a brief discussion with those two that it makes me feel like I somehow failed as a parent or didn’t give them a good childhood. But assured me that was completely not the case, and we are close. The oldest it really has to do with anxiety and worry about climate issues and the future of our world. I don’t make them feel guilty (and that would not make them change their minds anyway).
Almost all of my friends and some siblings are grandparents and the few others who are not will likely become grands in the next few years. They talk about their grandchildren and the joy they bring and also spend a lot of time and energy on them. I don’t exactly feel jealous, but am envious and have some FOMO over it. Nothing wrong with those feelings. It is a life experience that many of us would like to have.
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Perhaps they’re like CC.
Isn’t the point that dogs are much more dependent on you than cats (and much more willing to be held/cuddled etc)?
So perhaps more of a direct substitute for (young) kids…
Cats are more like teenagers
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I’ve never had a cat that wasn’t glued to me and didn’t love cuddling, so I’ve never understood that stereotype. 
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Mine do too - to a point. Then it’s nope, gotta get up and go now!
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That’s what my cats say of me.
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