<p>Related thread: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1497997-senior-washed-up-girls-yale.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1497997-senior-washed-up-girls-yale.html</a> . It would be interesting if the NYT story had contrasted views of freshman and sophomore girls with those of seniors.</p>
<p>Is it an explicit goal of yours to have your kids engaged by the time they are done college?</p>
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<p>No, since it cannot be predicted when they will find a good mate. But if they do meet such a person, it may be unwise to preclude a relationship because they are too busy with coursework and ECs. When will they not be busy?</p>
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<p>They may choose to. But in a labor market where pay increases more than linearly with work effort, it may not make sense to do so. Suppose each spouse can earn 4 times as much working 70 hours a week (because they can get promoted) than if they work 35 hours a week. If they don’t want to work more than 70 hours combined, it makes financial sense for one spouse to work 70 hours and the other to stay at home, rather than for each to work 35 hours a week. Put another way, when one spouse has very high earning potential, it may be optimal for the other spouse to work less and hold down the home fort to make it easier for the other spouse to realize that potential.</p>
<p>but it seems clear that you are suggesting that needs to be the woman?</p>
<p>my disagreement with your proposal is that often women buy into putting their own careers on hold, on the back burner, and don’t build their own earnings power, often needed if and when they want to pursue a higher career goal or to support one’s family in the event of widowhood or divorce.</p>
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How is what I’m saying limiting to women? I said women should be aware on the effect their career has on their family and vice versa? How is it limiting? If anything it’s eye opening. </p>
<p>I don’t see why are you guys are so mad by the fact that something must be sacrificed. It’s the truth. No one can have everything at the same time. More so women than men. You can not have it all without sacrificing something. </p>
<p>Sacrificing you children does not mean you don’t come home to see them. It does not mean you work 100+ hours and only get to pay their heads while the sleep in their beds at night. It means perhaps missing Little Johnny’s recital and parent teacher conference. Sacrificing your career does not mean you become a stay at home mom. It does not mean never going back to school for your masters or doctorate. It means perhaps not volunteering to take charge of the new project at work or even passing on the promotion. Sacrificing something means you don’t focus on it right now. </p>
<p>You are either putting your children first or your career first. It’s not both. </p>
<p>Although I do not agree with everything she has said, she makes some good points.
[Can</a> Women Have It All?<em>|</em>Unlocking Femininity](<a href=“http://unlockingfemininity.com/2013/04/10/can-women-have-it-all/]Can”>http://unlockingfemininity.com/2013/04/10/can-women-have-it-all/)</p>
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The maternal bond is initially stronger than the paternal bond. There’s no arguing that.</p>
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<p>That simply is not the case across the board. The following is a simplified discussion of attachment theory.</p>
<p>[Attachment</a> Theory - Simply Psychology](<a href=“http://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html]Attachment”>Attachment Theory In Psychology Explained)</p>
<p>Some mothers have an extremely difficult time forming any positive attachment (bond) with their infant. Same with some fathers.</p>
<p>Also, people of both genders are equally capable of bonding with the house, the dishwasher, the washer and dryer, the vacuum cleaner, the bathroom that needs cleaning, the oven, teachers, principals and the people at Michael’s craft store.</p>
<p>^ this is so true…love it</p>
<p>Lol and true dat to momzie’s post.</p>
<p>Well, lindz, you do you agree or disagree?</p>
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<p>it’s limiting to women because you are stating that ONLY women have to consider the impact of career on family and vice versa. I like to think we are moving forward and not backward. </p>
<p>Like many other posters here, men and women, (kudos to you 07DAD!) I have personal experience making choices at each stage, pregnancy, new parenthood, etc. and making it work. Like many here, I am a dedicated parent, and a successful professional. We all make sacrifices to be the best we can be at home and at work, and it’s an ongoing process. Life shows us as we live it that we can’t always know ahead of time how things will go. Generally this is something that’s learned through adulthood. IMHO, It isn’t simply a woman’s job to relegate her career choices or career steps while supporting her spouse’s career. That keeps women dependent on men, and men sometimes resentful of women. It’s not what ever worked for me. And yet I relished the time I spent with each of my 3 babies. So yep, it can work…</p>
<p>btw–I read the article you linked, sorry but I don’t subscribe to it’s religious message but I surely respect that you do.</p>
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No, I didn’t. Quote me on when I said only women to to worry about this. I only mentioned women because at the time, the conversation was centered around women. </p>
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Stop right there. We agree. Sacrifices must be made. At one point, one must to be put in front of the other. You sacrificed your career at one point. You sacrificed your family at one point. </p>
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Don’t focus on the religious apsect. Personally, I skimmed over the article, did not even notice it, and I am sorry if it offended you. The points I agreed with were these:
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<p>I’m not sure that you’re aware that we’re not that much in disagreement. We’re more in agreement.</p>
<p>“We all make sacrifices to be the best we can be at home and at work, and it’s an ongoing process.”</p>
<p>Can you describe some of the sacrifices you’ve had to make?</p>
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I have posted examples, riprorin.</p>
<p>Sorry, I was asking lindz126.</p>
<p>Ah, I understand. Thanks for clearing it up.</p>
<p>“The maternal bond is initially stronger than the paternal bond. There’s no arguing that.”</p>
<p>You are, what, 17? You’re seriously arguing this with those of us who have carried and borne and raised babies?</p>
<p>@Pizzagirl Wrong. Guess again! :D</p>
<p>By having a stay at home wife and sharing responsibilities based on what each of us is good at, not on any gender roles, I feel that I’ve been able to maximize my role as a parent and an employee without having to make any “sacrifices”.</p>
<p>When you are balancing too many things you are probably not performing very well at any of them.</p>