Dh and I went to visit mil for Mother’s Day this past weekend. Ds drove in from a different state to celebrate as well. Sister-in-law (Dh’s sister) lives in the same town as mil. My nephew (sil’s only child) was not there as he was on a vacation. But, essentially, this is the nuclear family gathered ‘round.
Mil: “I have a little secret to share with you all.”
Us: “Oh?” (We have NO idea what she is going to say)
Mil: “I’ve been chatting with an old high school classmate.”
A guy. I can’t remember what exactly was said next, but they are considering pursuing dating. He actually lives in the town where we live. She is about 2 hours and 45 minutes away. They are 86 years old.
Here is the kicker: He’s still married to wife #4!! Mil and he have mutually decided they should not get together F2F until this divorce is finalized at the end of May. My fil passed away almost seven years ago.
This all came as a big surprise. Mil said, “Well, one problem is Bob (not his real name) really likes to be married.” That’s how she told us he’d been married four times and was still legally married.
Per Bob, wife #4 is the one who filed, and her children never wanted her to marry him. But, who knows? They have been married a little over seven years. He was married to wife #3 for 17 years. She passed away in 2015, and he married #4 about a year and a half later. We know nothing about wives #1 and #2 other than #1 was the mother of his two children. We do know the marriage endings have been:
Divorced
Divorced
Died
Divorced (per him, she filed)
Sil was pretty freaked out. Honestly, if the word, “pre-nup” had been the drinking game word, we would have all been passed out drunk because she said it a LOT. They have only been, “talking,” for a couple of weeks. He wants her to go with him on a transatlantic cruise on the Queen Mary II.
Dh is not concerned because he is not a stranger from the internet. Sil and I have done quite a bit of reconnaissance, and we don’t think he is poor and after her money. Not that mil has a ton of money, but she is in good shape financially. Our research shows he has his own $. I think this is what helped sil settle down. So, both of those are pros. The con (for me) is he is already pursuing mil while still married to wife #4.
They talk on the phone every day. She said she had told him she couldn’t talk to him over the weekend because we were all in town, and she would be spending time with us. But, we know she did twice on Saturday. We were all elsewhere for a couple of hours in the afternoon and I heard her through the guest bathroom wall as I was washing my face and brushing my teeth getting ready for bed. Which was fine as it didn’t take any time away from us. But, they were texting constantly. Sil was irritated. “Mom! You have company. Put the phone down! You’re acting like you are in junior high! We are all sitting right here. Be present with us!” She really kind of was acting like a teenager - very giggly and giddy about it.
Mil leaves for a vacation with sil and two friends on June 10th, so idk if Bob and she will try to connect in that nine-day window between the finalized divorce and mil’s vacation or not. Sil had settled down a bit when we saw her on Sunday at her house (alone). She now thinks it will fizzle out/nothing will become of it. I’m concerned he is one of the men from that era who needs a woman to take care of him. Which, I don’t think she will do. Sil doesn’t either.
I know it seems we are ahead of ourselves, but when mil is saying things like taking a transatlantic cruise and using the words, “living in sin,” after only two weeks of recent communication, it does seem a bit concerning??? I think she is very flattered by the attention from Bob (and the subsequent attention from us after telling us). Also there was something to the effect that he’s telling her at their ages they don’t have time to waste (I think she agrees).
Soooo, what sort of experiences have you had with your families or seen with friends’ families with this kind of situation? I want mil to be happy, and if this makes her happy, I am all in. But, I don’t want her to act hastily and wind up unhappy. I guess as long as no major life decisions are made, it should be fine. She has a neighbor (though about 15 years younger) with a long-time boyfriend, and it works well. I guess part of me would really also like to know how his relationships with his two adult children are.
It definitely made for a much more interesting mil visit than usual!!
