We arrived last night.
Sil came over for a while before the four of us went out to dinner. The whole dynamic between mil and sil seems very…”whiplashy” to me. Sil would bring up Bob or mil potentially making the move to the CCRC. Then the topic would change. Then she’d bring it up again. The mood shifted back and forth all evening between being tense and perfectly pleasant. It was exhausting.
After sil went home, I excused myself to wash my face and get ready for bed. Dh was able to have a conversation with mil without sil or me around. I could only hear bits and pieces, but I will say that the overarching difference between my dh and sil in communicating with mil is their TONE. Sil is almost lecturing. Her questions, though excellent, tend to come rapidly. She isn’t really asking to learn - she’s waiting to refute. She is dismissive of mil’s answers either because she disagrees with them or simply doesn’t like them. Dh is much better at practicing the pause, keeping his volume down, and speaking more slowly and calmly in his responses to her. I honestly attribute a lot of the differences in communication styles to their professional backgrounds. Sil was a fourth grade teacher, while dh is a corporate guy. Not dissing teachers at all!!! But, in a fourth grade classroom, the teacher DOES know more/best.
I did not go back into the living room after getting ready for bed. I wanted dh and mil to have their own space.
It seems mil may ride back up with Bob to the CCRC at the end of next week. Dh definitely proposed more of a dating situation with their visiting each other and traveling together. Suggested Bob move here. Mil said he has too much invested in the CCRC. I wouldn’t give up a known LT care situation if I were Bob either, so his moving here really isn’t an option. I heard mil bring up the end of the year reference for a decision again. My suspicion is that Bob has put that out there as an acceptable timeline for him to wait for mil to make a decision. Or she may have asked for that, and he agreed. I do not know.
I think mil very much wants to be with Bob but not have to give up her life in her town. Those two things seem to be irreconcilable in her mind, and think she is very stressed.
I awakened early. My personal plan is to not bring up Bob at all unless mil does.