Sorry for all the drama being caused by Bob & MIL not really thinking about consequences of their actions.
As was said by above by someone else, they endanger fewer people with the boat than driving on busy roads. Neither option sounds ideal but there is only so much one can do if there’s no authority where boat is to keep him from piloting with inadequate crew.
A neutral geriatrician would come in handy to help navigate these tricky situations (pun intended).
I think it’s great you went shopping together. One of the hardest thing for many about a move is suddenly you don’t have a ready group of women friends who want to spend an afternoon at JJill or Anthropologie, who can meet for a impromptu lunch or get coffee. It seems like your MIL had that in her old town. Maybe reaching out to the friend who comes to your town is because she misses that relaxed time being with someone who knows you. In her new community she has to work harder at making new connections.
As for the boat I sympathize. My in-laws would think they could do it.
Don’t need a captain for the boat but only someone who is a boater and knows how to handle one if needed. Lots of those around! Heck, BIL might even know a few.
Oh, I made that mistake. Sorry. I was picturing your MIL climbing around the deck to help him.
Although the boats I was driving weren’t nearly that big, I was driving them and parking them onto a boat lift when I was 12. As long as Bob’s eyesight is okay, he should be able to do it. If he can’t re-dock it, maybe there is someone who can if there is a big space to pull up to (like a gas station or a restaurant that has a dock. I’m thinking if he takes it out and then realizes he can’t see to dock it. I’d expect he’d do this once and then realize he can’t go alone.
Even a marina manager is going to be able to see (and be alarmed) when someone is out on the water and struggling– whether to get the boat out or in, to navigate safely, etc. And the liability if someone is injured?
Hugs to you. This is stressful but I imagine this situation with the boat won’t go on for too long. No commercial entity wants their insurance premiums to go up because an employee was reluctant to sound the alarm. Heck, my gym regularly tells patrons when they can no longer use one of the weight machines. It started participating in Silver Sneakers so it inherited a lot of members from a local gym whose rates went up a lot after Covid. And the very nice, polite, kind trainers who patrol the floor and the studios are very aware of who shouldn’t be doing what. It’s usually with a smile- “You’d love my barre class, I think you’ve got too much weight on the bar right now, core is really important for everyone”.
He has macular degeneration and drives using bioptic (is that the right word??) glasses that look like these;
Why do we not require boater driving licenses?? Or is there something? My brother has had large boats and I never really gave it a thought.
I just googled. Looks like Alabama is the only state that requires an operator license.
Many states (including Arkansas) require a boater education certificate.
I have no doubt that historically Bob was an excellent sailor and is knowledgeable about all types of boats. It is multigenerational in his family. But, I’m not getting on a boat with him (not that we’ve been asked).
Cuz then 12 year olds couldn’t drive boats?
We drove just about everything except cars before we were 16 - boats, go-carts, dirt bikes. My brother worked on a farm and drove HUGE trucks and tractors.
The big thing around here is kids driving non-street legal scooters and bikes on streets or in bike lanes. The cities and counties are starting to ticket them. They are very dangerous.
How does he still have a driver’s license?
It seems like at one point I read a bit more about these types of glasses and driving. I noticed this type of glasses when we had to go assist with her move. A pair were on an end table.
My recollection is that people who use them potentially are vision tested more often??
At times, it’s hard not to feel sorry for Bob. Just as one would for any aging person who is in decline and facing physical limitations.
When we rented boats in Maryland, boaters below a certain age were required to have a license. I just looked it up! Everyone born since July 1, 1972 must have a boating license. I think what we really need is re-licensing exams!
Not to be nitpicky, but I don’t think it’s a license per sé. This is what I found online:
Maryland does not issue a traditional driver’s license for boats, but anyone born on or after July 1, 1972, must carry a Certificate of Boating Safety Education to operate any motorized vessel on Maryland waters. This certification does not expire and can be obtained online.
I don’t think it’s like an operator’s license. Seems like a safety course that must be taken and passed.
And, exactly to your point, there isn’t a renewal requirement.
Your appreciation of Bob’s decline in compassionate. It is very hard for people to cease being who they were because of physical limitations. It may be part of why older people tell stories about their past.
Marrying MIL may have been partly a way to be his younger, attractive, Casanova self. If he’s always been a boater, being out on the water is part of being who he is. Not being able to hear may prevent him from being more extroverted or witty.
It doesn’t mean he isn’t, and may always have been, a jerk or self-centered, but deficits owing to age are permanent and can rob people of being their true selves.
Does MIL have a really nice and good life jacket?
That she will actually wear! (Pet peeve, life jackets on the boat, not on the people - especially kids!
In boating photos I have seen, no one is wearing a life jacket.
Actually, in CT, that satisfies the boating regulations for adults. One life jacket in the boat per adult. 12 and under must be wearing them.
This boating side bar is giving me PTSD ; ). My FIL was an avid boater his whole life - sail boats, power boats, ski boats, you name it. He sold his last boat probably 15 years ago now but he still goes out with his octogenarian friends or will rent boats. The last time we rented with him he hit the support piers of a bridge in a very wide channel. My H and BIL went out fishing with him and BIL said he thought they were going to die. Both times my H had to take over the helm. No one in the family will go out with him anymore unless someone else is captaining.
It would be a big red flag to me if Bob can’t get in and out of the slip safely. And yes, the rules are typically there need to be life jackets on board for every passenger but only kids need to be wearing them.
I’d strongly recommend that both MIL and Bob wear life jackets at least while docking and undocking!
Understand the rules are life jackets need to be on board but LOGIC indicates for true safety especially in more risky physical passengers wearing them would be the best!
