I’m sure over the years this guy has been cooked worse, especially by families of his exes.
5 Likes
Remind us what’s happening … Your MIL has gotten herself to your town to check out the CCRC? And you are going to host a happy hour?
1 Like
Looking forward to @Hoggirl’s next installation 
7 Likes
Not sure what to say about Bob. He was polite but seems pretty pretentious. Very much liked talking about himself and asked nothing about us. Emphasized (more than once) his length of time in academia, his founding of the local sailing club, and that he has done the crossing over 20 times. He’s also very hard of hearing. So, it is probably easier talking about yourself than asking questions.
At dinner, Mil said she’d met his ex-wife. Took every ounce of restraint I had not to ask which one.
I will be getting no girl time with mil. It’s clear to me that he is not letting her out of his sight. He is walking with her in the mornings on the trail behind the CCRC. Something he does not normally do. I think he’s afraid she will encounter someone who will not speak favorably of him. Mil said Bob has too many, “appointments” set up so there would be no shopping time. They met some of his friends yesterday. I think he is parading out those he knows who will say favorable things about him. At one point she said, “We have an engagement tomorrow.” I arched my eyebrow and said, “Engagement?!l. She kind of laughed and said, “Not yet.” YET.
When we walked in the restaurant last night, lo and behold, there were our pastor’s parents (who live at the CCRC) with two other couples. If you recall, the mom of our pastor had not shared much info about Bob when I was seeking intel. She got up and hugged me, and I gave her a knowing look. She knew mil was coming to visit this week. When they left she came over to our table and hugged me from behind again and whispered in my ear, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Bob claims he doesn’t know them. There are 400 people who live there, to be fair. I really shudder to think of the gossip that is swirling around about mil out there.
We called sil last night to fill her in. When texting this morning she wrote that she believes mil is going to do what she wants to do and will not listen to any negative Bob talk but that mil will listen to dh’s advice on finances. I think the drive back with my dh will be most illuminating.
7 Likes
Oh, my, that’s a little concerning. I just HATE being with people who do nothing but talk about themselves and if I try to get a word in edgewise, they interrupt me and drone on and on… I hope MIL comes to her senses.
3 Likes
Wow! She is definitely acting like a young person in that the more you question, the more entrenched they become.
I honestly think she’s just doing this to get out of a boring life. Do something exciting instead of waiting around to die, and I’m sure she thinks about it a lot.
It’s just so much can go wrong. I agree that the discussion going back home with your husband will be interesting and I’m dying to hear what the pastors mom has to say.
5 Likes
I also wonder if she likes that she is not burdened with making decisions. Bob is making all the choices!
2 Likes
Honestly, he reminds me so much of my fil - controlling, self-absorbed.
Dh said he wanted to pick her up at 10:00 am on Saturday to drive her back. Later I heard her tell Bob, “________ needs to pick me up at 10:00 to head back.” And he replied, “I think WE can make that work.” Buddy, you are not part of this decision. This is when my dh is getting her. You don’t like the time, then you and your son drive her back down.
3 Likes
I’m wondering if he doesn’t know them but they know OF him.
3 Likes
My belief is that his reputation around the CCRC and in our town preceded him which was why the other two women wouldn’t go out with him. Plus, he was STILL married when he started shopping. So, he has to search out of town.
8 Likes
That’s what I was thinking. She’s been conditioned to believe that someone else is better at making decisions than her.
I’ve stated that my dad was not controlling.
My mom is definitely a person of her generation for lack of a better word. She wants someone else to make her decisions.
Of course my mom also then wants to complain that the decision was wrong. But it wasn’t hers. She doesn’t have to take responsibility. She also doesn’t like to make the wrong choices so she’s happy to let others do it.
I can see how my own mother would like someone else to take charge.
4 Likes
I’m so sorry Bob is so controlling and appears to have MIL currently under his spell. Yikes! Glad your DH and you will be driving her home.
2 Likes
So glad your MIL trusts your DH about finances and can rely on him.
4 Likes
Hellooooo? Pastor’s wife? Where are you?
6 Likes
The more you find out about Bob, the more I don’t like him.
(disclaimer: I’m going to be judgmental here for a sec)
If this were MY mom and we were in this situation, I’d be thinking that:
- you can’t trust Bob
- it’s a bit of a problem if he’s gone through 4 wives (or was it 3?)
- it’s really messed up that 2 of his 4 wives are living at the same senior living facility as he is
- like…who wants to be all wrapped up in that “group of 80 yr olds acting like hormonal middle schoolers” nonsense with his former love life?
- he’s rude
- he wants somebody to take care of him
- he’s controlling
- Earth to Bob: nobody cares anymore what you did in your former professional life. That was ages ago. Stop trying to impress everybody by bragging about yourself. Move on. Get a grip.
- somebody who is blind AND deaf isn’t all that great of a catch.
- this is bad news any way you look at it.
- he’s searching for a woman who’s lonely, desperate, and willing to put up with his pile of nonsense so she doesn’t have to live alone anymore.
- he’s treating everybody like they’re his personal staff.
- he’s very self absorbed.
9 Likes
It’s the pastor’s mom. I think she’s conflicted about sharing gossip with me. I don’t blame her. I sent this text this morning, but I have not heard back from her.
1 Like
This is an incredible summation of the situation.
He’s had four wives:
Divorced
Divorced
Died
Divorced
2 Likes
You’ll want your MIL as “Survived.”
9 Likes
I know! She’s in line for, “beheaded”!!!
13 Likes
That is perfect! LOL she had to be a pastor’s mother. Anyone else would be eager to spill some tea.
3 Likes