Look up the “oopsie” law in your state to see the time frame in which she can back out of a contract. The Attorney General of your state regulates facilities like this and there will be a back-out, no penalty clause in the contract.
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I’m imagining “Waltergate”
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Sorry—what is Waltergate?
Wee bit OT but I will share: where my parents are, they keep a few rooms open in AL for residents in dire need. There are times that a room in SN was not open, so they provided more care in AL. I have never seen every room occupied in AL. Good question to ask if signing up for CCRC.
OP: you are a good DIL and thank you for the continued updates on Bobgate!
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Yes Bobgate is definitely riveting!
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I had written that a better play on words could be made by using his real name. “Bob,” is NOT his real name.
@fretfulmother cleverly suggested his real name might actually be, “Walter,” which would put Waltergate much closer to Watergate.
It’s not Walter either. We’re sticking with, “Bob,” and, “Bobgate.” 
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(Wasn’t there a movie called the Ex-Wives Club with Goldie Hawn and others?! The CCRC could start one for Bob’s exes….and no doubt have room for growing membership expansion every 6 months or so.)
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At my folks CCRC, folks already residents have priority when a bed is needed in skilled nursing or AL. The problem is once you consent to skilled nursing, you and family are consenting to allowing facility to move you over patient and family objections if CCRC deems you need higher level of care. This is why we kept mom in independent living with 24/7 companions.
We were very fortunate that when mom was in skilled nursing she never got a room mate, tho there was a bed where one could have been put. There were many of us in and out visiting so I don’t believe the room mate would have been happy.
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I wanted to share one issue related to the need for a pre-nup just for general information should someone else find themselves in a similar position with a parent. Pre-nups aren’t just necessary in case of divorce. They are also pertinent for one’s estate.
Disinheriting a child is much easier than disinheriting a spouse. Usually, one names a child with a specific bequest of a nominal amount of $10 or so. This keeps them from being a pretermitted heir. It shows the parent didn’t accidentally leave them out (forget them) - they name them and leave them something.
Spouses work differently. Without getting too much into the weeds, most states allow for something called an, “elective share,” (or forced share or spousal share - terminology varies). Basically if a spouse is completely omitted from a will (or named with only a nominal bequest) they have the ability to elect (or claim or take) against the deceased spouse’s will. This will kick in statutory laws that override the will and work as though the decedent died intestate. These are rooted in dower and curtesy laws (they’re actually still called that in a few states) and work both for husbands and wives. The origin is a protective device for spouses. Percentages vary by state (usually 1/3 to 1/2 if there are also children), depend on the type of property (might be a life estate in real property), and whether or not the decedent has children. Whether a state is a community property state factors in as well.
All that to say that any pre-nup also needs to address waiving of inheritance rights in addition to spelling out what happens in the case of divorce.
I think raising this issue (which dh intends to do) is tricky without looking like one is sitting around waiting for the aging parent to die. As someone said upthread, we don’t want to trigger that thought. However, I do think it needs to be brought up to make mil aware of a potential unintended consequence. In our state, those rules kick in after one year of marriage.
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As I said above, my great aunt got married for a 2nd time in her late 70s. The husband was older. Both had long term marriages and children, and wanted their stuff to go to those children separately. And they wanted to be buried beside their original spouses (and in my aunt’s case, with a child who was disabled from birth and would be buried there too). So they spelled that all out before getting married.
Another law to watch out for is if a spouse has children with another person. Not sure in Colorado if it is only for minor children, but I know that if a person dies intestate, the surviving spouse gets the first $150k, then the rest of the estate is divided among the current spouse and those children from another marriage/relationship and current children.
My friends have gotten around this by putting everything into a trust. They have no children together but he has one bio child and one adopted child (43 and 55+). the bio child is totally dependant on him so will be getting payments from the trust forever. His mother will be leaving him 1/2 her estate ‘someday’ (she’s 102) and it can be dumped into the trust too. The other half of the estate will go to his sister and her 3 kids, and we all know that will already be a big mess as my friend doesn’t like the sister’s boyfriend and thinks he will try to ‘make a deal’ for the mother’s house and property. Friend’s house is next door, and between the two houses (mother’s is a scrap down, friend’s house worth a lot) there are 5 city lots, so the land is worth something.
Sometimes it is easier to be poor.
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When my brother died in St. Croix, USVI without a will, territorial (equivalent to state) law gave my S-I-L half of his estate with the other half divided among his three daughters.
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It really depends on state law. And there are community property states that have their own specifics.
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Exactly. I’d hoped I’d made that clear with my wordy post. Extra clarification is always good!
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So the moral of the story is, get an estate attorney to prepare the prenup!
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Oh you absolutely did make that clear. Sorry did not mean to imply that you didn’t!
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Clear to me too, but just pointing out that even if the people are old, and don’t plan to have children together, state laws may protect the children born of other marriages (or non marriages), even those in their 50’s.
Even if you die intestate, many of the assets may pass outside the estate - real estate, insurance proceeds, bank accounts, 401k or other retirement accounts, trust assets, even a car title if there is a ‘transfer on death’ title.
Some of this for @Hoggirl 's MIL may depend on the level of estate planning she has in place now, or had in place when her husband died (the ‘live and learn’ lessons of life). She may want all her assets liquid to start spending them on travel and other luxuries she may feel she’s missed out on, but forget that she may need more money in 5 or 10 years for medical needs or extra care. That’s when planning with the help of someone who cares may be helpful, not just listening to the sales folks at the CCRC.
I hope she’ll let her son/daughter help her structure something that at least gives her enough to live to 100, as it seems she may be heading that way, and you want her to live in luxury for the next 15 years.
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@hoggirl Any idea how your SIL feels about a potential move to where you are? Is she likely to move there also?
We went with her and redid her will and other documents after fil died. That was seven years ago. I don’t actually think it needs to be revisited UNLESS she decides to marry Bob.
I don’t know exactly how she feels about mil potentially moving. She’s commented, “She’ll be your problem if she moves up there. You have no idea - just you wait and see.”
I think it’s a situation where she likes to complain about mil but that’s more for show. Apparently, their relationship was very tumultuous in sil’s late teens and through her mid-20s. More so than usual, but that was all before my time.
Sil moved to mil’s town (about a 45 minute move) in the spring of 2024. Her own husband died in 2022. She bought a house and has been fixing it up ever since. Her son lives 30 minutes away, but she said she would have chosen to move to mil’s town instead of son’s town. I cannot imagine she would move up here.
Honestly, I think she is probably feeling like she’s being abandoned. She says she already spends much less time with mil. She’s pulled back on reaching out to her ever since mil blew up at her when she was asking questions about Bob. Did I share that? Mil yelled at her, “You treat me like I’m an idiot!” Called sil a -itch, and didn’t speak to her for two days. Mil eventually called and apologized.
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