<p>Hi all. D is moving into an apartment next year with four other roommates, and they are trying to figure out how they’re going to handle sharing chore/financial responsibilities. Any advice from those of you who have been through this? She’s well aware they won’t all gather to prepare and eat dinner together every night, but the idea of keeping straight five separate food pantries seems extreme and unnecessary. If they pool their finances for food, does it all work out in the wash? But is that fair to the only vegetarian, those who do/don’t drink soda, etc? What about the one with the car? You get the idea. Any veteran advice is much appreciated.</p>
<p>Here’s what both of my kids did for the things that EVERYONE used (staples in the kitchen, toiletry items, etc). They had a container (a can with a cover, I believe). Each roommate put an equal amount of money in the can. When they needed something, someone took the cash and bought it. So…if they needed toilet paper and sugar, the cash came from the can. When the can got low on cash, everyone put in the SAME amount again. At the end of their time living together, they divided up what was left in the can evenly.</p>
<p>My son lived with two roommates this past year. They each did stock separate pantries and cooked separately for the most part because of differing schedules. This worked out well for them. I’m sure that there were times when they did cooperate on a meal, but each had a shelf in the refrig and separate shelves in the pantry closet. I do not recall any arguments (at least that he shared with us) about someone eating someone else’s food.</p>
<p>Both of his roommates had cars; he did not. He contributed to gas on an informal basis, filling the tank if he borrowed a car by himself for shopping. Mostly he bummed rides from roommates and friends to and from campus.</p>
<p>Their lease was in one person’s name’ and utilities were in another’s. We saw a small whiteboard in their house that kept track of due dates for payments and who had any credits, etc. My son always pulled out cash from the ATM to give to the roommate responsible for the bill. They shared responsibility for timely mailings and payments. At the end of the school year, son made all of the required repairs to the house. He also claimed to do most of the cleaning (not that I believe him).</p>
<p>They never bought a TV because they didn’t contract for cable service. Not sure how they had wireless internet. When the microwave broke, they did not replace it. For most other shared appliances, one of them purchased and then was able to take possession at the end of the year.</p>
<p>Not sure how they handled toilet paper but there was some in the bathroom when we visited and that’s all I needed to know.</p>
<p>When it comes to buying permanent things- like a TV, it works better if each roomie puts in one item which they then keep at the end of the year.</p>
<p>I STRONGLY suggest you have them all sit down and discuss roommate potential issues and how they would handle it:
some one gets drunk & barfs every weekend
some one has too much overnight company (girl or boy)
some one NEVER cleans the kitchen/bathroom/dishes
some one leaves the lights on
some one cranks up the heat
some one becomes a druggy
some one spends all their time with their BF and no longer wants to pay rent or wants to pay less or won’t share utilities</p>
<p>In some cases it works out for each girl to have one bill in her name- electric/gas/water/trash/cable/internet/etc, that way each is on the line for one bill and all have a reason to cooperate</p>
<p>What about when one flunks out? Who will take responsibility for that unpaid rent when they more out? Who gets the new roommate? Who picks up the extra payments if they cannot get a new roommate?</p>
<p>Are parents cosigning? If so, parents should also talk. Lessees are jointly liable for the rent- if there are 5 roommates each paying $500 a month and 4 move out, the landlord can ask your DD for $2500 AND he can pursue the other girls credit AND he can pursue the parents AND whilst you are figuring all this mess out he can DING your credit score :(</p>
<p>Been there, done that, no more cosigning in our family 
Not to be Debbie Downer, but just think through and explore the bad things, then you may be lucky enough to avoid them. One DD has roomed with as many as 19 in one big house to 2 or 4 in an apartment and never had an issue, but she is EXTREMELY proactive and she does all the communication with the landlord to make sure they get deposits back and she trains the other girls to make sure they, too, do the work required to get back the $.</p>
<p>The other DD was pretty laissez-faire and had a couple of very emotionally draining hassles which were also expensive in one case.</p>
<p>When I lived in a group house we ate together five nights a week and had a fridge and staples shelf that covered that. We calculated meal costs about once a month and then divided it among meals actually eaten. (You could have guests or be absent as long as the cook was warned.) The eating group actually included some who didn’t live in the house, and it was one of my favorite experiences. </p>
<p>Otherwise we each had a shelf in the fridge and a shelf in the kitchen where we kept our own food. Too hard to keep track of other people’s eating habits. Because our house had so many bathrooms I think we bought our own toilet paper and cleaning supplies. For chores, I’m a big believer in charts, if someone hates bathrooms, but likes to wash windows I think you can arrange a system of trades.</p>
<p>I lived with two others this semester. They had a similar diet and split food. I have a picky diet and bought my own food. Took up 3/4 of the bottom shelf in the fridge & one drawer. </p>
<p>We obviously split all the electric, heat, etc evenly.</p>
<p>Stuff like towel paper, toilet paper, dish soap, cleaning supplies, etc. was split evenly every month. Whoever was out would buy it, and then request the money. </p>
<p>We also shared food if someone was out, with no repayment. Like if I was out of mustard or something. Or we just borrowed something of the other’s if we rarely used it and didn’t want to buy our own (sugar for instance).</p>
<p>We didn’t really have any issues. We did our own dishes, and cleaned up after the mess we made.</p>
<p>As for furniture, this place wasn’t furnished and everyone just brought things that their family had. We shared appliances. We had separate pots, but I cook a ton, but had no issue with them using my stuff. I would use their plates sometimes, and them mine. Depended upon what was clean.</p>
<p>my roommates and I share all food expenses-someone will go shopping and put the amount on a spreadsheet that we even out every month. It mostly evens out, probably- but we don’t keep track exactly of who eats what. It’s cheaper to buy stuff in bulk, and easier to switch off shopping.</p>
<p>It really depends. </p>
<p>Regarding food, unless they’ll have similar eating habits they shouldn’t try to have a common pantry and just split it because someone will have the short end of the stick and another will have a windfall. This is especially true when one is a veg (as was the case for my D) and the others aren’t, when one doesn’t drink expensive soda (like my D), and is true for someone who ends up frequently eating elsewhere while someone else eats all meals at home. To compound it, if one or two of the girls ends up having a BF eating almost every meal or lots of snacks there then it’s also inequitable. To be safe, they should just keep it separate unless they ‘really’ think the results of splitting it would be equitable. They’re better off keeping the ‘potential’ for strife to a minimum. For more common consumables like paper towels, PT, dish soap, etc. they can maybe split that cost.</p>
<p>Regarding cleaning up - they all need to clean up after themselves. IMO if they don’t clean up their plates after a few days the roomies should be free to place those dirty dishes on the offending roomie’s bed. Some people at that age, including girls, are real slobs and can be very lazy with housekeeping and it can get disgusting for the others and can be a real bone of contention.</p>
<p>‘somemom’s’ ‘some one’ items to discuss are all good points.</p>
<p>When I was in college and not living in the sorority house I shared an off campus house with 11 other women. This large group made it easy to share chores…we had 4 committees of 3. Each week 2 committees cleaned the common areas, one committee shopped and cooked for M-F dinners and breakfast/household staples and one committee cleaned the kitchen after dinner. We each put the same amount of $$ in the kitty each week. We just followed the plan that had worked for that house before we lived there. My favorite job was making up menus and that’s where I learned to cook. </p>
<p>I think it is easier for women than men and so I made all my sons learn how to do their own laundry, cooking and cleaning.</p>
<p>^^I couldn’t edit but meant to say I think it is easier for women than men to organize those tasks as we did. We didn’t buy things such as soda or snacks…that was personal. We never had guests at our communal meals. That’s when you went out to eat.</p>
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<p>I strongly suggest not sharing an apartment with anyone whom you would need to ask these questions (except about the lights and heat, which are usually just a matter of being oblivious to the cost). </p>
<p>I can’t imagine my daughter having to ask these questions of the two people with whom she is going to share an apartment next year. The three of them know each other well. They have spent extensive time together over the past two years at college, and two of the three knew each other in high school as well. All three trust each other, and the trust is justified. </p>
<p>I think that if a student is in a position where he or she needs to room with near-strangers, it is far better to do it in the dorms, where you can switch rooms fairly easily if things don’t go well. Off-campus apartments are best shared by people who already know each other.</p>
<p>^^ But they can only know them up to a point. How do they really know the roomies will do their dishes promptly (many who say they will won’t). Maybe the roomie hasn’t had a serious BF until shortly after they move into the apt and then either the BF coming over too much or the girl wanting to move out might become a problem. The other issue is one of commitment and how to handle it if one decides to leave - i.e. do the remaining ones return her deposit or do they hold her to it and keep the money to much consternation of someone.</p>
<p>Thank you all. These are exactly the kind of questions they are struggling with, which I well recognize is part of the process of moving into independent living. Your continued suggestions and past experiences are most welcome.</p>
<p>My DD roomed with a girl who appeared very nice from her first year dorm and DD moved out mid year- the nice girl had an amazing array of drugs and such and it became very ugly very fast.</p>
<p>She thought she knew her, but she didn’t, nor did she want to be like her, which caused further conflict (aside from the logical, don’t be in a place where illegal stuff is going) This was some one from her freshman dorm floor, so you would think they would have known more about each other.</p>
<p>The question is not do you do drugs or do you wash dishes (rather both ends of the spectrum there!) but how will we handle it if something like this becomes an issue. I would not actually expect the drug thing to become an issue in most cases, but if they have addressed hoe they would expect each other to deal with something that outrageous, then the smaller issues will be easy when they develop.</p>
<p>If they can talk about the crazy stuff as a hypothetical, then they will deal more easily with whatever arises.</p>
<p>On the cleaning thing, I have one slob DD and one neatnik- if your kid is into being neat, they will have to simply realise they will be shouldering the largest part of that burden themselves, in general.</p>
<p>A Dd who had great luck in off campus roommates always roomed with fellow sorority sisters so there was a larger outside peer pressure for every one to live up to a certain standard. 19 of them rented a house in the fall after pledging in the spring, so they did not really and truly know each other and it worked well.</p>
<p>You need to let them work it out and stay out of it. They are old enough to manage. The only thing that the adults should be involved with is the question re rent. DD and her apartment mates divided as they went along. Mostly had their own food shelves for different diets and schedules but ate together sometimes and shared when they did. They selected each other because of similar sleeping and cleanliness issues so they had that down more or less. DD did have to complain a couple of times when dishes stacked up. Had a how to load the dishwasher session :). But they worked it out.</p>
<p>Adult issues: One Mom would not pay the summer rent when they decided to stay for another year. Adults had to step in and say that girl had to move then. Summer sublet was found, but that mom would not share the costs of even the one month gap. That Mom even subtracted the deposit form the last rent leaving everyone else to cover it that amount of the rent. All rent issues need to be discussed up front with the adults, too. It caused a huge amount of stress and bad feelings. The D is so sweet and was so embarrassed by Mom.</p>
<p>I’m not optimistic about this situation. From my experience, I guess there will be. . . </p>
<p>a couple roomies who think they’re getting a great deal–the ones who use more/pay less than their share, are inconsiderate of others, clean less/trash the place more, and generally see no problem with any of that. They wonder how others can be so uptight.</p>
<p>Then there will be a couple roomies who regret going into the apartment together, who feel like they’re getting ripped off/taken advantage of. Those are the more mature, considerate, financially responsible, neat freaks–who end up paying more than their share, being imposed on and cleaning up after the slobs. They wonder how others can be so rude.</p>
<p>There will be conflicts. Discuss all details ahead of time. Assign chores. Good luck!</p>
<p>Marian–you must live in a world that only exists in the imagination. Stepford maybe???</p>
<p>My co-workers son lives off campus in Wash DC. The agreement was each kid had to sign lease, and have a parent co-sign. Fortunately they found a place where utiliites were included (except phone, and the kids all just have cells). I think the problem with each having one bill is that it can end with different $$ exposures.</p>
<p>This is a problem near and dear to my heart as my daughter just finished her first year (junior) living off campus in a rented house with 3 other girls. Girls 2 and 3 were teammates on her swim team, the 4th was on another team with girl 3. Confused yet? lol Anyway, 3 & 4 had shared this same house the previous year with 2 girls who graduated and my daughter and girl 2 moved in with them this year. Suffice it to say there were big monetary problems. Each girl was responsible for one thing… electric, cable, internet hookup and heat. My daugher got stuck with oil bills cause no one else’s parents would give their credit card to ensure the delivery. We couldn’t let our daughter go without heat so we paid for 3 oil deliveries through the winter. Girl 2 paid promptly. Girls 3 & 4 claimed financial issues… ie loan hasn’t come through yet, parents don’t have the money etc. Finally, I told my daughter to stop paying her portion of whatever they were responsible for and deduct it from what they owed for oil. My husband offered to let them pay monthly, weekly, anything to get paid. I wanted to call their parents but daughter was too embarrassed to let me do this. Finally, she told them we were so angry we were taking any money they owed out of her bank account! Must have done the trick cause they finally paid last week. I guess they didn’t mind stiffing us for the $$, but finally got a conscience cause they didn’t want their friend to suffer. Needless to say she is not living with either of those girls next year!</p>
<p>Wow, some stories of woe! I shared an apt. in grad school, and I am not generally easy going, but we had no trouble getting along on money and lifestyle issues. I did not even know my roommate beforehand. We were both respectful of paying our share of the bills, rent, staples for the apt., cleaning etc. Each bought her own food, soda etc. except for when we decided to cook together. I think that it is shocking that people would stiff others for heat, etc. I certainly would not want to pay someone for “electric” if they did not pay their portion of “gas”. Who thinks that is ok? I think that each roommate should be personally and morally responsible for their expenses (as in not saying my mom did not give me the money etc.) They are adults, and if they want to live in an apartment, they should behave as such.</p>