<p>SharonD, I’m sorry for the agony she(and you) are going through right now but after awhile she will see it is all for the best. when I was a senior I was dating a guy in college and I ended up missing out on so many fun things senior year because I was tied down with him every weekend. Of course I thought I was in love. I even went to the same college as him and guess what? We broke up during the first semester. Some “loves” just aren’t meant to be.
You D will eventually see that this is all for the best and she can be proud of herself for taking the high road.</p>
<p>I am sorry your daughter had to go through this. It is a learning experience unfortunately.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your daughter’s anguish, but as my college friend would have said, “Jive time turkey.” Good riddance.</p>
<p>Ouch. The now ex-boyfriend sounds like a real charmer. I say good for your daughter, and good riddance to the scumbag boyfriend. And while you’re talking to her about what a good “learning experience” this has been, you should also talk about what a creep/scumbag this guy is, and how her brother always knew it, and you always suspected it, and how everybody is thrilled she’s not attaching herself to him anymore, and now she can move on… She deserves better. I’m with the “jive time turkey” person. I have no idea what that means, but I like the sound of it. (Just my 2 cents.) ;)</p>
<p>Personally, as soon as I saw the statement “Date a nice girl for a change” I had a bad feeling about this young man. What was your dear daughter, a trip to Disney World, after which he returned to his “bad girl” reality? Sheesh.</p>
<p>I ditto Jack.
Sad for her now, but in the long run a good experience to have under her belt. And-- this way she didn’t have to suffer through that lousy vacation with him and his lousy friends.</p>
<p>Helimom…apparently he did get bored with the trip to “Disney World” even though he can’t come out and admit it (he came over this evening begging her to give him another chance)at which time she broke up with him AGAIN and I sent him on his way for the last time. When he asked her for the first date (prom) last April is when she made it clear to him that she was a nice girl which was her way of saying no drinking, no smoking, no sex, and he said that was fine he was tired of being around the other kind of girls and he really wanted to take her to prom. He came over to our house, had dinner, said all the right things, and we told her as long as there was no drama, she made curfew and he was a gentleman she could date him…these issues just started in the last few weeks which tells us he is wanting to sew some more oats. We still trust her…just not him.</p>
<p>Jack…I also liked the “Jive Turkey” comment and yes she does deserve better and one day it will happen but not at this young time in her life. I guess I could have listened to my instincts and to our older son and spared her the pain and disappointment of this relationship, but things usually happen for a reason. I think I would rather her learn this while she is still at home before she goes off to college. It is a hard lesson in life to trust people only to find out they were not trustworthy but such is life.</p>
<p>Ispf72…we will probably still go to the beach senior week as we have already made plans but she was never going to be staying with him and that was understood. We own a condo and she always takes a friend and where he is staying is not anywhere close to us…she just got her license and is not allowed to drive out of town yet so I will be doing all the driving and will know where she is and who she is with so no issue there. She has a very busy summer planned with her first summer job, cheerleading camp and weekly practices, so I think she too deserves a week at the beach…just not anywhere close to him.</p>
<p>Hmm… I dunno. He sounds like an Eddie Haskell type to me (nice at the house, at dinner asking all the right questions). I love that he came back to the house like some whimpering puppy dog, and she sent him packing again. Nice story, with a good ending. ;)</p>
<p>Just know, it may not really be over. He may continue to try to come back into her life. Good for her for staying strong but it will take some time to heal. Prom could be hard for her this year. If she doesn’t end up with a date for Prom because she broke up to close to time, a weekend trip to that beachouse with a friend who is also dateless may be in order. That’ll be a tough time for her because it was their first date. And if you were already planning the beach trip, there is absolutely no reason he should let you stop that. </p>
<p>Any chance her brother would spend a little extra time with her - rent a movie and just chat with her, take her out to eat, etc. She needs to hear from someone besides you that even though she can’t see it, life will get better and she is worth so much more than bf gave her. Or how about springing for dinner and movie with girlfriends who may have drifted away after she hooked up with this guy? She needs attention from someone besides parents. Her heart will heal and she will be less trusting next time but give her the time she needs and let her wallow for a day or two to get it out of her system.</p>
<p>You know he’s just an average kid, there’s alot of high an mighty going on here that is really, really unecessary. They didn’t work out, so why bury the kid? Did you expect them to marry? If not, why the drama? I mean you ask of your daughter, no drama. Yet, all these possible terrible outcomes for going to the beach and drinking? </p>
<p>Most proable they will drink alot of beer, tell stories and one or two will puke. Not all that dramatic. Oh, I forgot maybe one or two buddies will fart. </p>
<p>Dating is like trying on shoes, he just didn’t fit, look for another.</p>
<p>Opie…no need to worrry…we have not buried him yet. As far as the beach and the drinking goes, I really don’t care what he does because as you said he is very much the “average kid” so I expect him to drink and do all the things that come with that, just didn’t want her to know that. Then again there are many kids out there that will not behave this way because they are not your “average kids” and this has nothing to do with being “high and mighty”. You don’t have to be high and mighty to have values and act like you have some sense. I guess you could say dating is like trying on shoes…if they don’t fit or begin to smell, it might be time to get rid of them which is what D did…yesterday…then again last night…and again this morning. Seems “average kid” isn’t used to not having his way and thinks begging and crying will let hime have his cake and eat it too…you know just like the “average kid” they don’t like consequences. So sad.</p>
<p>jack…he’s turning out to be like a fungus…just keeps coming back…where is his pride for goodness sakes? D told him last night that she thought it "might be fun if she got another date for the prom and he could take this girl he’s been talking to and they could all go together. She can be a bit of a smart alec when provoked…
I think she will be fine in a few days…he on the other hand…not sure.</p>
<p>“I expect him to drink and do all the things that come with that, just didn’t want her to know that.”</p>
<p>Why? I would think that would be the most important mom daugther conversation you should have. Relaying your life experiences to your children helps them avoid making similar mistakes. Learn from the past."</p>
<p>" I guess you could say dating is like trying on shoes…if they don’t fit or begin to smell, it might be time to get rid of them which is what D did…yesterday…then again last night…and again this morning. Seems “average kid” isn’t used to not having his way and thinks begging and crying will let hime have his cake and eat it too…you know just like the “average kid” they don’t like consequences. So sad."</p>
<p>Shoes are a great comparison. Some women take years to discover that they feel best in shoes that are comfortable. Other women wear the “cruel shoes” so they can appear to others in public, to be stylish. (thank you Steve Martin for cruel shoes). Ask your D which pair of shoes does she want to wear?</p>
<p>Opie…there is a huge difference in a woman and a 16 year old girl and it almost sounds like you have had a few unpleasant experiences with the women that prefer the cruel shoes…sorry about that. By the way, my D prefers flipflops to any kind of shoes…she isn’t much for being stylish if it isn’t comfortable.</p>
<p>“huge difference in a woman and a 16 year old girl and it almost sounds like you have had a few unpleasant experiences with the women that prefer the cruel shoes…sorry about that.”</p>
<p>No, not really. And communication between parent and child ESPECIALLY in the teen years is very important. Holding back important mistakes you made during those years, helps a great deal.</p>
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<p>Simple mind here…I don’t get it!</p>
<p>This is kind of off topic, but what kinds of hotels will rent to underage kids with no chaperone? Is somebody else renting the rooms for them (a parent)? It seems like hotels would be taking on a huge liability to have a room full of 17/18 year olds drinking up a storm and NO responsible adult along for the ride. </p>
<p>I’m just curious because we don’t do those kinds of things down here (at least in my neighborhood). I’m not saying there is no drinking or rabble rousing, but there are not any “kids only” vacations. Frankly, I can’t imagine letting my newly turned 18 year old go down to the beach with no parent in sight, if only to help in case of accidents or trouble. Maybe I’m a fuddy duddy though.</p>
<p>“Simple mind here…I don’t get it!”</p>
<p>No, I’m not always clear… </p>
<p>All of us have made mistakes in judgement in our youth. Every one of us. I think it is important to share your mistakes as well as your successes with your children when offering advice. Helping them avoid the pratfalls we experienced, mistakes in judgement, friends, girlfriends and so on helps if they have half a brain. An open dialog is just that, sharing your mistakes and what you learned from them can help your children avoid repeating your past. </p>
<p>Now, it’s important how you say it or offer it up. Shouting at the top of your lungs might make you feel better, but the message will get distorted. Also don’t necessarily oversupply, but have the wisdom to see the situation and advise accordingly.</p>
<p>Talking with your daughter about a questionable boy, should include similar past experiences, not the time you lived in a microbus and went to woodstock and ate the brown acid. Try and keep history to the situation at hand. </p>
<p>As far as cruel shoes comment goes… women will wear shoes that really kill their feet, to the point of actual damage, and smile the whole time because they want others to appreicate the fashion sense. Girls will date boys for others to appreicate as well, regardless of how they treat them. Or they’ll try and break them in. That can take decades. My spouse is still trying.</p>