<p>I have posted on this forum off and on for several months now even though my daughter is 16 and college is 2 years away. However, ya’ll took the tour with me in my hopes and dreams (as well as her hopes and dreams) for her to get accepted into a fantastic public residential HS for science and math 2 and a half hours away. She did get accepted and we were (and still are) overjoyed. Also, she got accepted into a highly competitive to get into academic summer program.</p>
<p>She is at the summer program now (will go 4 weeks with one weekend break in between). The night I came home from getting her moved in, I experienced a severe sense of emptiness. Though I am SO happy for her, and it is what I want for her (because I see SO many benefits…she is so intelligent and this is good for her), I am just so lost without her. That night and the next day, all I could do is think of how I miss her and go in her room and cry. A few weeks after she comes home from the summer program, she will be off to residential HS.</p>
<p>My oldest daughter got married last year. My husband travels in his job…so I am experiencing A WHOLE HECK OF ALOT!! :)</p>
<p>Well, I have made some big steps a month ago though. I’m a nurse and I changed jobs from a boring nursing office job, to a very interesting nursing job which really is expanding me intellectually and personally. And hey…I’ve gotten fat the last year or so (for me…20 pounds more than what I want to be), so I’ve ordered a BowFlex gym. :)</p>
<p>How’s that for trying to beat the empty nest blues??? Can ANYONE here relate to how I feel?? Please respond!</p>
<p>So many of us here can sympathize. I had a particularly difficult time when my oldest–a girl–left for college 1200 miles away. I visited her empty room and wept; for weeks I wept every day. That was in 1998.</p>
<p>I don’t know of any way to “beat the empty nest blues.” I think you have to just go with the flow of the sorrow, which will lessen, while at the same time keeping alert to opportunities to reclaim the perfectly full lives we had before having kids. (Remember all the stuff we reluctantly gave up when kids came??). Others have suggested new hobbies, pets. </p>
<p>I guarantee the ache will lessen. Eight years post-first-one-leaving I’m a happy camper, though I still feel heavyhearted with memories at the sight of families with small children–where did the time go?! I’m so proud of my adult daughter, and I love our new adult relationship. </p>
<p>So–hang in there. Here’s are links to two Anna Quindlen columns I have read often over the years that made me feel less alone: </p>
<p>I’ll have an empty nest in the fall and am NOT looking forward to it. I told my D I’ll have to replace her with a dog so it doesn’t feel so empty around here.</p>
<p>My mom’s got it quite bad and I’m her firstborn! My younger brother isn’t much of a help except to be the joker of the royal court (but also quite manly). She insists that I e-mail her at work everyday… complains that I’m too far away, etc, etc.</p>
<p>Even though I transferred closer to home, it’s still not enough. I feel my comfort zone but I guess she doesn’t. So basically, she counts down the days the next time she’ll see me (hello, I just finished my first week of internship and she wrote in her e-mail last night that there’ll be a month left before we see each other!).</p>
<p>But she has done things to occupy her time- watching movies that she’s never had a chance to watch, taking up gardening, more experimenting with cooking, walking my dog, etc. Not easy since my dad doesn’t get home from work until 7 or 9 pm (1 hour commute). When my brother leaves, she hopes to find another hobby to take up. Also like you, OP, she has make changes with her career- pushing for more responsiblity with her job and trying to advance her career.</p>
<p>Good luck! As much it’ll drive your kid crazy, just stay in touch through e-mail or telephone- I really do/did appreciate hearing my mom’s voice as they made me day if I was having a tough time.</p>
<p>You can come get mine:) It is actually my daughter’s dog, but a lovely parting gift when she went to college. The nest is really not empty because no matter where you are you have to remember to go home to walk it.</p>
<p>Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer…at your local animal shelter/rescue or hospital, etc. There’s no better cure for the blues than to be needed which is what I think we miss most when our kids leave home.</p>
<p>Hmmm, a perennial top-ten subject here. Kids leaving home is every bit the life-passage event that their arrival was. Gradually and imperceptibly, most of us have ceded a large portion of our persona to an alter ego known as Mom or Dad. Look at all the “mom” and “dad” screen-names here on CC! It’s an identity that we have all adopted, and are reluctant to relinquish. But the time does come. The trick, when they leave, is to get back in touch with your inner Peter Parker or Clark Kent–the mild-mannered <em>whatever</em> we used to be, before we became…SuperParent (sorry…I can’t remember the alter egos of any female superheroes). </p>
<p>What were you working on, or doing for fun, when you drifted into the Parent Coma? Were you good at something that you no longer had time for? What were your ambitions that went unfulfilled once you had little crumb-crunchers to deal with? It’s hard, but I find it helpful to remember that this was the plan, all along! And it worked! So, take some joy and satisfaction in that.</p>
<p>Cancel the order on the bowflex and join a gym or Y. (Every yard sale has a bowflex for a reason) Get to know other moms who have kids who are away. Find a kid who needs mentoring. Sounds like you’re doing a great job with your daughter. Share your talents.</p>
<p>my youngest doesn’t leave for school until this fall, but he left earlier today for a camp, and rather than sit around and feel lonely, i just decided (5 minutes ago) to hop in my car and drive to st paul to visit a dear, dear friend and to spend the weekend with her. a weekend in the twin cities and a little shopping on grand avenue does wonders for my outlook on things!</p>
<p>Hey, where do you live, wbow? I’m in White Bear Lake!</p>
<p>When my oldest, a daughter was 16, I also began to dread the beginning of empty nesthood. Fortunately or unfortunately, before long she became difficult to live with, so that finally, when I said goodbye to her at college, it was a relief (and our relationship improved almost immediately). Now my youngest, a son, is just 6 weeks away from college and, though he has been an easy kid, I’m not mourning (yet, anyway). I’m excited about some new plans I have, which include taking creative writing classes, and I remind myself that I was once a very self-centered and happy young adult and can certainly figure out how to be a self-centered and happy geezer (lol). </p>
<p>My husband travels about 40% of the time, too – overseas. But so far I’m optimistic about all the things I can do. I also remind myself that college is only 7 1/2 months of the year and my kids will be home A LOT during their vacations. Good luck!</p>
<p>central illinois–i usually fly, but since i just decided to go today, i’m going to drive. by the time i arrive early at midway, (2 1/2 drive just to get there), then fly–I could be pretty close to being there!</p>
<p>well, i should have flown! got a speeding ticket in wisconsin–what an expensive mistake that was!</p>
<p>had a wonderful time and for a few days forgot all about this empty nest talk. good to get away from it all.</p>
<p>i think we have found a new home and buyers for this monstrosity. i should know for sure by the end of this week. i love to move (well, i hire someone to do the lifting and moving) because i like to feel like everything is off to a fresh start.</p>
<p>i actually think that it will be a positive thing for me to be in new digs.</p>
<p>In your post, wbow, you reveal a good coping strategy. Not speeding tickets, but distractions! I think a lot of us will be trying to keep very busy come September.</p>
<p>i guess you don’t know how costly those tickets in wisconsin can be! </p>
<p>no, we have been thinking about downsizing for quite a while. we have a rather large home in a small town, and i figure if someone wants it (the buyer approached us) i think we should take advantage of it! we have lived in so many houses, that we never get sentimental about the house, but we are all quite sentimental about the people who live with us!</p>
<p>i was having a rough night emotionally last night, but this morning, i met a friend for breakfast and then went on a quick trip through some home stores to get some ideas for the new place. (distraction? maybe, but hey, if it works, that would be great!) the new place is smaller on the first floor, but we are going to finish a basement, family room, bar, bath in the basement.</p>
<p>I was so sad last year when my S left for college 15 hours away. All I could think about was how the dynamic of the family was going to change. When we drove away from his dorm after saying our last goodbyes, I balled for about 1/2 an hour. The first few weeks were kind of wierdly quiet (my oldest being the loudest!), but after we got into the fall swing with the two younger kids, I felt less and less depressed. When he came back for Christmas, he brought along all of the craziness that we had experienced all his life; the millions of friends tromping all over the house at all hours, the raiding of the frig, the calls at work saying, “there’s no food here, can I come get some money.” By the end of break, I was ready for him to go back to school. I love him with all my heart, but I am getting too old for the hijinks, especially the late hours that he has adopted since college. I wonder if he has turned into a vampire :0 ! I know I will be broken hearted again when S #2 leaves, but I also know that I will adjust.</p>