<p>The moments of sadness pass but I’ve discovered they come back. </p>
<p>Walking away from D at college was probably in the top 10 of sad moments. But it’s not the end of the book, merely the beginning of a new chapter. </p>
<p>Besides having freed up time for myself, there’s been enough contact during the school year and it’s never been longer than about two months before we see here again.</p>
<p>Now the bar has been raised. We just dropped her off for an internship and won’t see her for five months, which seems very long. The last night together was a bit emotional for all of us. But I think all of us are on the way to “recovering” and she’s buried in her new routine and we’re shoveling out the to-do lists accumulated in our absence.</p>
<p>I feel like I’m the only kid who is sadder about leaving their parents than their parents are about them leaving. I am going cross-country (I have extended family not too far from campus) but I will not see my parents again until mid-December (I won’t go home for Thanksgiving or other short breaks.) My mom has said that she can’t be sad because she knows I am going to what I have dreamed about. I know and understand that. It’s just that all my friend’s parents are so sad and emotional and I’m afraid that I’ll be the only one crying when they leave.</p>
<p>Alas, your parents may be putting on a brave face for your benefit. My mother recently told me that when they left me at college (about 30 years ago) and I was sobbing, it took everything they had in them to keep the strong, optimistic “face” on until they got back to the car. She said my dad then cried for the next 4 hours of the drive. I kinda wish I had known, because like you, I thought they weren’t going to miss me. But they thought college was going to be a big adjustment and I didn’t need to worry about their sadness on top of other things.</p>
<p>my mom’s advice was not to let my son know that i was sad, but i felt it was important that i knew how much i had enjoyed being his mom, and that i was indeed sad for my role to be changing. however, i did my very best to let him know i was sad without letting him know the extent of my sadness.</p>
<p>just a few minutes ago, he called me. he is currently out of town training for an all star event of some sort. anyway, he was alittle blue as he confessed that it hit him how much he hated to see time flying by–he said he’d love to do his childhood over again–i thought that was a great way of summing up how we both feel. </p>
<p>i think it’s best to acknowledge this now while we are still together to talk about it–maybe it will make the actual day ailttle easier on both of us.</p>
<p>I haven’t read through all of this, but you guys are breaking my heart! My youngest started college two years ago, so we are old hands at this. Let me tell you the most important thing–you are still their moms, (or dads) and the role is not changing as much as you think. I’ve had a billion good moments with both my kids since they left for school that first time, not to mention the phone calls, emails, IMs etc.</p>
<p>This summer, my S is living at home, working weird hours (gets home about 11, while I’m off to work at 8 in the morning) yet we’ve still had loads of good conversation (esp when I’m picking him up from work) watched baseball games together, chatted about everything from movies to relationships, been out to dinner, had a vacation, etc. He hosts poker games out our house where i get to see the kids he went to HS with, he goes bowling with his Dad, and generally is great company). my 23 and a half year old evencame with us to our annual family reunion vacation.</p>
<p>So, yes, things are changing, but that doesn’t mean that you are losing something (or someone). There’s a ton of good moments ahead (and in between, time to finally write that novel you’ve meant to! :))</p>
<p>Thank you for your post. I know that my parents really are excited for me. My mom keeps telling me what amazing years I have ahead of me. It’s just that this is an emotional time, especially knowing that the day isn’t that far off. I just know I’ll be really overwhelmed (I seriously tear up when I think about it.) I want to go so badly, it’s just also hard to leave.</p>
<p>Alas, like Garland stated, you will have many, many more wonderful times with your family. It will be different, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be just as wonderful. Just know that it is hard for them too, but they are trying so hard to be the “adults” and genuinely just want what is best for you and your life. Also remember on that day when all the parents are leaving, even the kids who act like they couldn’t wait to see the backs of their parents are feeling a little lost and lonely too. When we left my son last year, he didn’t cry (you know, a male thing), but he came up with a hundred reasons to prolong our stay—one more run to Target, quick trip to Best Buy, just had to have two more towels, and “please let’s get a quick milkshake before you leave”. Phone calls, email, and AIM help you to keep in close touch and think what a great time at Christmas you will have sharing all your new experiences with your family!</p>
<p>It was much harder when our S left for college on the West Coast in 2001. He took up residency there and has returned home or to family gatherings for Christmas or for special occasions such as my in-laws’ 60th wedding anniversary in southern Illinois earlier this month. When D left last year, also for the West Coast, we were more prepared. (And she came home for the summer!)</p>
<p>Yes, we miss them during the year, but we seem to hear more from both of them (phone, e-mail, and AIM) than we did when they lived at home (they were busy on outside projects). In a sense, we’re glad that they’ve adjusted well, since going to college is the first major step to leaving the nest and becoming independent adults. An empty nest has given H and me the opportunity to do things spontaneously without having to factor in a kid’s schedule. And we can both do volunteer activities and know that it’s not taking time away from the family. Plus, S has now confessed that he wishes we lived more closely to where he is so we could do things together. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder! ;)</p>
<p>Hi all, Im new to this board, but Ive been lurking here for about a month now. Ive enjoyed reading your post, they have made me feel better. We took DS to USAFA 06/29 and I haven’t been myself since that day. The toughest moment for me was when we ck out of the hotel and headed back home without him, I felt a part of me missing. I can not explain with words how I feel, I miss him so much.</p>
<p>DD left again this morning for her sophomore year 2800 miles away. She had to be there early for practice. She was home for just a few weeks. And honestly it isn’t any easier this year than last.</p>
<p>We drop son #2 off first week in Sept., and the 2 others go before that, leaves me with one at home. Will be very quiet.</p>
<p>I&SMOM - take solace in that the Air Force Academy is great with keeping the family involved with their cadet’s life while at the academy. My nephew just graduated from there and my sister and her husband were very involved with him for the entire process. They have a network of parents that form a support group for each other - if you haven’t already done so, you should check it out and get involved. Also, if you possibly can, make sure that you go to the family weekends.</p>
<p>I (the youngest of four) finally left for college in 1995, and my mother is still not completely over it. As she has since I was little, she works constantly, is a nationally respected leader in her field, is on the road several times a month…but she won’t let my dad sell the house. She says she’ll decompensate if she’s removed from the house where she raised her children.</p>
<p>i am the exact opposite, hanna. we love to move and have done so frequently. i don’t have the attachment of a lifetime of raising kids in my current home. however, both of my boys have lived in this house for their 4 years of high school…and i can’t wait to leave it behind. i love it here, i love the memories, the poker parties, the swim parties, the march madness parties, the friday night after the game parties…but i really don’t want to be here now that is all over. it will be much easier for me to have a new place and new memories than it will be to walk past empty rooms.</p>
<p>wbow,
h & i haven’t moved…yet! 1 in college back east, 1 rising high school jr, and the last is a rising 8th grader. been in current house for almost 20 yrs…but with even 1 child gone, it seems way to big to clean! ;)</p>
<p>This thread over on the service academies forum was really heart-wrenching. The parents over there are already experiencing the kiddos leaving since academies matriculate in the summer. DS’ best buddy is at West Point and we think of him everyday and I especially his mom. When son turned down his appointment I know how hard it was for him and how hard it still is. His only comment thus far was “I can’t transfer into Princeton but I can transfer out.” Of course it doesn’t help that he received stuff from one of the academies mentioning other routes to receive his commission.</p>
<p>He just opened it and put it on his desk. Still sitting there.</p>
<p>So everytime I start missing my kiddos I haul my butt over to the service academy thread and get a good dose of reality.</p>
<p>tailgate party tonight–without the football game! 7 student/athletes out of a graduating class of 71 will be participating in college athletics this fall (1 division 1 football, 1 division 1 track/field, 3 division 3 football, 1 division 3 basketball and 1 juco baseball player) so one of the parents had a “tailgate” so we could all visit. i thought it would be hard, but it was really nice to see all the parents again. it was also nice to get to say goodbye and hug some of the kids–they are starting to leave as early as next saturday! i am moving a little from sadness to excitement–anyone else want to join me?</p>
<p>Funny, I am moving from excitement to sadness. My D leaves in 2 weeks and I have been “reverse nesting” getting her ready. Not much left to do now so feeling the sadness coming. She is my last and we are best friends, so she will be missed on several levels. But yes, I am excited for her and this new adventure that she has worked so hard for. Mixed emotions! Good to have this thread!</p>