<p>I guess that once again I’d got to your dd and talk to her. I hope the conclusion would be that she would talk to her friend and say that she doesn’t want to be dragged into all of this. In my house, here’s what would happen next – boys would say that “my mother heard some of these rumors and is <em>this</em> close to talking to your mom because she’s worried about you.” I would never out my kids as the person who told me, and the other kid wouldn’t be suspicious because I’m quite involved in their schools and I surprise them regularly with things they don’t know I know. Additionally, while I don’t do this, my kids could say that I read their Facebook and saw stuff posted (if this were true, that stuff was posted).</p>
<p>Do you think that would work? Protects your dd but helps the other girl and gives you a clear conscience if you do say something.</p>
<p>Also, for me, it’s about the age of the girl. If this were a senior girl and I was acquaintances’s with the mom I likely wouldn’t say a thing. But an eighth-grader? If I was that girl’s mom and a friend, I’d definitely want to know.</p>
<p>ETA: If the mom does call, I couldn’t lie. I’m a bad liar. I would say you had heard those things, too, and the circumstances (in the mall bathroom) without saying you heard it from your dd. The mom does know she went to the mall with the boy, right? And she approved it? And does the mom know you know about the sexting? I don’t see why this would be such a leap for the mom!</p>
<p>Case in point, do not ever get involved in trying to tell someone’s parent that his/her kid is doing something wrong. It would only back fire. This girl thinking her mother may find hear things about her, she already preempt the whole situation. The mother knows exactly what’s going on, she doesn’t need anyone to tell her about her daughter. She is choosing not to deal with it, which means it’s none of anyone’s business. I would stay out of it and tell you daughter not to get involved.</p>
<p>Who knows what is going on…either way, talk to your daughter but otherwise both stay out of it. You have no need to defend against rumors, spread rumors, maintain smoeone’s reputation or even care about some other childs’ reputation or where it may or may not come from (which may or may not be based on something in reality). This is just classic teen drama nonsense, and there are sooo many possibilities regarding the reality of it. Teen gossip is bad enough; teen gossip now involving parents sounds dreadful. And as Oldfort advises, it is not anyone’s business.</p>
<p>At this point, the only thing your d should do, and which you should suggest to her, is nothing. If approached by the “friend”, your d should say, “I don’t want to hear about it.” If approached by others with rumors about the “friend”, your d should say, “I don’t want to hear about it.”</p>
<p>It’s the only rational way for your d to keep her head above water.</p>
<p>That’s a harsh response from the girl’s mother, OP! But it might indeed have been rumors, the girl might have been exaggerating what happened to appear “cool” and “adult”, etc. Really . . . best to stay out of it. </p>
<p>Do NOT tell the woman that her daughter “started” the rumors or that her daughter “brought it upon herself.” Even her daughter did “go to third base” with some boy in the mall, this could very well have ballooned into “OMG, did you hear that Jane had sex with every guy on the football team???”. Happens all the time at that age (the exaggerations, I mean).</p>
<p>I suspect there’s more to the story, if the girl did indeed approach her mom, “very upset.” You don’t know the other side of that story. Stay out of it.</p>