<p>I meant giving your virginity to your husband, no?</p>
<p>Because there are several conversations going on here at the same time, it’s like that old comedy skit, who’s on first?</p>
<p>Kidding.</p>
<p>I think we are conflating a 13 year old and someone who is about to get married, and there is a great deal of gray area in there…</p>
<p>13 year olds are too young to begin to understand the decision they are making at that age…imho…someone who is out of high school or out of college is a whole other story. fwiw.</p>
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<p>No. Most Catholics do not care about this.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t consider it “great” if my kids waited til their wedding night to have sex with their future partners. I think sexual compatibility is important, and I would hope that they would have reached that point in a committed relationship long before the wedding night. Which is, of course, a far different thing from “wanting them to sleep around with anyone and everyone.”</p>
<p>I’m with Oldfort. The reaction is not to Truelove’s world view or opinion on sex (which is actually interesting to read and adds a useful perspective to the debate). The reaction is to the nasty, direct and indirect insults that come along with it. She is not interested in helping people to understand her perspective, but is more interested in ****ing people off. </p>
<p>That is because she is a ■■■■■. I absolutely know this to be true. You can play along- it sure spices up CC!- but just don’t expend too much energy taking her seriously or her insults personally.</p>
<p>wow third base has apparently changed since I was in school.
I agree that children should not be having sex- although I acknowledge we are all sexual beings, some more than others & young teen girls are often more interested than young teen boys- not only do they physically mature faster, but the kind of books/movies they are exposed to exploit their romantic/sexual leanings.</p>
<p>I think accurate sex ed needs to be presented in school as part of health curriculum starting in elementary as being responsible for your body, along with nutrition, rudimentary first aid- etc.</p>
<p>Our bodies have to last us our entire life & knowing what it takes to take care of it, physically & emotionally, is necessary before we can determine if we are ready to take care of another human being.</p>
<p>I see a couple things going on in the schools at the same time.
I see more young women ( including my daughters and their friends), more confident of their own interests and not as worried or even interested in " having a boyfriend" as the most important thing, as my generation was raised to believe.</p>
<p>But I also see girls- even in elementary school, acting like the way to get attention is to behave like they are sexually mature. Some appear physically mature at a fairly young age & I think they just mimic what they see on television and in the behavior of adults around them.
Which is sad- because they will have to undo a lot of conditioning to find out what they really value.</p>
<p>Wow-
I came back to catch up on this thread and get away from the ■■■■■■ in marite’s thread, and found that this thread has its very own too. Oh well…</p>
<p>I have a friend who is a hs teacher who caught two students doing it in her classroom using her chair/desk. Apparently, this was not an unknown occurrence at this school.</p>
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<p>Which one is that?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yep… we’ve had high school kids do it on coach buses as the bus travels during the night, with chaperones and the choir director on the bus. I think I was actually a chaperone on one of the other buses. This is the problem… they have to travel during dark hours to get to some of these events, and the adults are going to sleep… and the kids know this. Sometimes I regret not going to the administration and telling them what I was hearing and demanding that at least one chaperone per bus be required to be awake at all times (or taking shifts of two hours or so).</p>
<p>Some parents tried to insist that only boys can sit with boys, and only girls sit with girls… the problem was, we had quite a few gay boys (was never aware of any lesbians) in the choir, so single-sex sitting/buses would not have helped the issue!</p>
<p>I think I was actually a chaperone on one of the other buses. This is the problem.</p>
<p>Last year- I was chaperone on the all night graduation high school party. This was for D2’ inner city high school, but I didn’t chaperone the year she graduated ( I did also the year before)
The bus was *interesting * and I was the only chaperone on my bus. For some reason, I had grabbed a small flashlight on my way out the door & it came in handy, when a boy a few seats behind me, started taking off his clothes. The kids were making too much noise- for calling out to be effective- but he stopped in his tracks when I shone the light on him.
He pushed it all night long, but I just made it clear that the night was to have fun- but G- rated fun.
;)</p>
<p>Getting back to the OP, our family had a similar situation regarding underage drinking. My D frequently mentioned several friends who were drinking. It was all hearsay since my D had not witnessed it. Therefore I didn’t take any action, but I made it clear to my D that I would have to tell the parents if I ever believed the kids to be in danger. Of course that was a stupid statement because I wasn’t around them when the drinking took place (nor was my D), so awful things could have happened at any time. My D found numerous other occasions to bring this up to me. I finally got the hint. She WANTED me to tell the parents but was afraid to just come out and say it. I did talk to one mom, and she was clueless. She asked her child who, of course, denied it. She came back to me with that info, and I gave her specific examples. When she talked to her kid again, it was a different conversation. Finally she stated she was glad I had mentioned it. I would want to know (if the situation had been reversed). I don’t really care how my friendship with the other adults plays out. I care about the kids and my own child. My D now makes it very clear when she needs help or my intervention in tough situations. So far we’ve been very lucky to have open communication.</p>
<p>There is not enough money in this whole wide world to get me to chaperone a bus full of randy teenagers, by myself. You all are made of sterner stuff than me.</p>
<p>Wow! I was a chaperone for some of my D’s HS events but we never had buses drive long distances in the dark. We did have to fight with one girl who was dressed like DaisyMae, honestly, complete with great figure & micromini with handkerchief hem (8th grader) who wanted to leave the banquet on a Friday night & stroll around Waikiki, casting her lures. We told her that she could ONLY be released to her parent or would be transported back to school to be released to her parent there. She was quite precocious; never found out what happened to her or the others after D left that public school to go to a private HS.</p>
<p>You all are made of sterner stuff than me.</p>
<p>It really wasn’t that bad.
The first year I went, the kids were much easier. Every class is a little different.</p>
<p>This class was a lot more sexual- they were trying to do lap dances at the restaurant- which really shocked me. But I just tried to keep in mind, my image of them as 9 year olds- ( which when they were riding the bumper cars and playing Dance Dance revolution, wasn’t hard to do), and it was easier to make it clear that I was not going to be their friend, and that they had already made a commitment to the school sponsored party, which meant that they had chosen to behave in a safe way, rather than going to the kegger in the woods, which was the traditional celebration at * my own* high school.
:eek:</p>
<p>I just wanted to say that waiting until marriage does not at all have to be a religious thing. I am not a very religious person at all (have been to church once in my entire life). I do believe in God, but I don’t practice organized religion. However, I am making a choice to wait until marriage (by the way, I went to and graduated from a liberal, East Coast school, so this is not just empty talk of someone that hasn’t been exposed to anything different or isn’t old enough). It just really irritates me when people assume it’s a choice made for religious reasons (although I see nothing wrong with that). It’s something I thought long and hard about before reaching a decision and something that has become a part of my personal belief/value system. I would like people to know that it can be a choice, not just something you do because your religion tells you from an early age.</p>
<p>Some of you old-timers remember the HS junior yr post-prom coed overnight party (about 20 attendees) that we hosted about 3 yrs ago, that I posted about in realtime on CC as it unfolded. That was an experience! When they are minors and they are under my roof, they are my responsibility. </p>
<p>That same son, now a college spoh, had a small (6 or 8 attendee) overnight coed new years party this year. They are all now 20, but again, they were under my roof. It was a group of friends (mostly girls) and no “couples” , but I still checked in on them… just because. Difference this year is none of the partying stuff is “new” to them, so they were pretty sedate and remarkably chill, and also, I didnt (couldn’t) stay up all night this time around (getting too old for that). </p>
<p>Our rule has always been that if there is something important for me to know, please tell me, but know that it might mean I have to deal with it (esp as it pertained to things in our house). This important because I have a professional license that puts the onus on me to have a higher level of responsibility. No “if I tell you this will you promise not to tell” stuff was allowed, because I couldn’t guarantee that promise and wouldn’t put them or myself in that position. Safety comes first in our house (if you don’t count all the sports accidents broken bones!) In the OP’s case, as several of us have said, the info was second hand and may or may not have been truthful. Could have been exaggerated. That said, the OP should still use the conversation as an opportunity to ask her dau “what do you think we should do next? Lets discuss several options” and problem solve. </p>
<p>As a parent, I’d want to know, but sounds like the mom of the OP’s daus friend turned a blind eye to her daus behaviors. At the end of the day, we all have to live with the decisions to make, whether that be to say something or not. That is a good benchmark. If the OP choses to say something to the other mom and it isnt well received, well thats the other mom’s issue, not the OPs.</p>
<p>And teriwtt, that other thread I meantioned earlier is now long gone…</p>
<p>TrueLove
</p>
<p>You have no idea what anyone on this thread really teaches their children. You are only imagining that you do. </p>
<p>Love the word choice, BTW. ”Convicted”. Let me not limit my diagnosis to “judgmental”, when clearly we have someone who wishes to be both judge and jury.</p>
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Having had sex = defiled. LOL! You should be way more worried about your soul.</p>
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Are you promoting prostitution???</p>
<p>
Actually, you have no idea about my personal beliefs on this topic. Had your posts here been polite, I would have been happy to share.</p>
<p>
Poster on CC can perceive whether or not fellow posters were virgins when married. It is a miracle. Call the evening news.</p>
<p>Dont feed the ■■■■■.</p>
<p>Having had sex = defiled</p>
<p>;)
That sounds kinda hawt.</p>
<p>OP here…after reading your responses and talking with my husband I decided to talk to our daughter. Figured she could help this girl better than I could, anyway, so we ran through a couple of ideas as far as being responsible, values, etc. So yesterday when I picked her up from school she told me, “in the a.m. carpool, my friend’s Mom looked at me in the rearview mirror and said, ’ My daughter came to me terribly upset because apparently there are some rumors about her going around school that she’s no longer a virgin. We are proud of her dignity and class, and would appreciate it if you would please defend her if you hear any of this kind of talk”. My daughter was ?? flumoxxed, felt broadsided, with the girl sitting right there. I’m frosted that my daughter has to get involved in any of this, and that this woman’s daughter is upset about gossip. Feel like she brought it on herself. Now I’m expecting the phone to ring any second with the mother regaling me with these “rumor” stories. My husband said, “First, write your buddies at CC and second, you might want to say that you’re aware of the talk and that apparently its started with her daughter, that she should ask her point blank what she’s been up to.” Not that she’d necessarily tell the truth. I’m sick of this nonsense and drama and want our family OUT of it. If the phone doesn’t ring I’m going to let it alone, but if my daughter were making a fool out of me like this I wouldn’t be happy.</p>