<p>Our D1 got excessively drunk her first weekend at college-before classes even began. So drunk that she was unconscious and taken to the ER where she stayed overnight. Her roommate and roommate’s parents were there. Decided not to call and let us know. Didn’t find out until two days later when the school’s Dean of Students called us two days later, because it is their protocol when a student ends up in the hospital (and this is a large university-no time for unnecessary hand holding). Dean said “We want you to understand how very drunk your daughter was. I have seen thousands of drunk students. This was one of the worst.” She warned us about the danger of alcohol poisoning. It was that bad, but those parents chose not to call us. I was furious. Maybe we are too protective, but family is supposed to be your safety net and they can’t help you if they don’t know you need help.</p>
<p>What does your S want you to do? Is he asking for advice, direction, just unloading or sharing?</p>
<p>Too many young people don’t realize the seriousness of some of their actions or understand the consequences. If this were my S calling, I would know he was asking for advice and help thinking it through. I would offer to talk to the young man in question or to call his parents. </p>
<p>I don’t care that he is over 18 or potentially the future roommate of OP’s S. Too many red flags for me to worry about perceived interference. The S must be worried; otherwise why share all this with the OP? Sometimes the real adults need to take charge and intervene. This would be one for me.</p>
<p>I would not call the young man’s parents. However, since your son confided in you and seems concerned, I would “reach out” by advising my son in how to advise this young man. I would funnel my advice through him. I would advise my son to strongly urge his friend to get legal advice immediately and that it would be best to have his parents on board since they will eventually find out anyway. Have him come across as understanding that he is embarrassed or scared to tell his parents but how and why it is so important to do that. So, rather than you personally getting involved, advise “behind the scenes” and hope that this young man will take the advice that you funneled through your son and that your son and other peers are urging for the guy who is in trouble to do. At the most, I would say to my son that if the boy did not take the advice and your son is still very worried, then perhaps the son can call his friend’s parents and say, “I’m worried about X. He seems to be in some trouble at school and I want him to get the appropriate help. I’m reaching out to you out of my concern for him and am worried as to what to do to help him.” But I don’t think that call should come from YOU.</p>
<p>Did they even know your contact information? Pretty sure lots of college students do not know their friends’ and roommates’ parents’ contact information.</p>
<p>Yes, UCB, they did. D1 actually knew their daughter for years and I had spent some time with them when we were dropping our daughters off together. We had already exchanged contact info and had texted about other things.</p>
<p>I would be a parent who would very much appreciate the call. My S would think he could handle it himself and not worry us, but doesn’t have the skills to handle what he thinks he can. I appreciate your instinct to jump in and get involved to help – we all have to care about each other and all the kids.</p>
<p>soozie-my kids are pretty open w me so it would be natural for my son to share this. not entirely sure if he is looking for guidance or just sharing what is going on in his world. decided to not check in with him today to let his focus be on his exams but will check back in tomorrow to find out where the parents are. if they arent there or actively providing support, I will call them to make sure they really do know.</p>
<p>OP, you’ve stated that this young man is a genius, and that his genius is partly what got him into this situation. This may be an off-the-wall thought, but I wonder if he has Aspergers and really can’t adequately process the implications of his situation. If this is the case, I think there is even more reason for the parents to be notified. </p>
<p>Hopefully he has made the call already. It is right that the first approach should be from his peers. But in your shoes, Aspergers or not, I think I would make the call myself if he keeps putting it off.</p>
<p>ETA: I see you will possibly be making a call tomorrow. I am glad to hear it and agree with the decision.</p>
<p>So update…parents were brought in on it, promptly contacted a lawyer, and the lawyer advised said student to not answer one more question or phone call or email and to not provide any other information… Interesting times we live in. It will be interesting to see how things unfold over time.
(edited-removed info to protect identity)</p>
<p>He did though of course not when he promised he would/did. I called them and left a message on their voicemail offering support without indicating what I was talking about in the event they were still in the dark (it was an interesting exercise saying something and nothing at the same time). All must have worked out as far as all of that because everything is on track between the “kids”.</p>
<p>Oops-sorry, gang. I am active on another forum and when a thread is updated and notifications go out, the new post is also viewable in the notification email. When I sent the update earlier tonight, I forgot that doesn’t happen on CC (wish it did!) and thought you would have the update in your email. I’ll re-do tomorrow.</p>