I just returned from a trip to Florida accompanying my 16 yr old son to spring training. H and I stayed at a very nice nearby hotel while S stayed with his team at the sports complex. I had a couple of treatments at the full service spa at my hotel - the aestheticians seemed friendly and competent, and I liked the treatments. Later in the week, S strained a back muscle, so I suggested that he get a massage at the spa. I wasn’t sure they would treat a teenage boy (I never saw any males entering or leaving during my treatments), so I went down to the spa to ask if they could take care of him. I was very specific - teenage boy, sports injury, looking for a therapeutic massage/PT type treatment for the injury, not wanting typical “spa” pampering and extras. The manager at the desk said “absolutely” no problem, could handle it, etc., so I made an appointment for later that day.
So, when he went to the appointment, the manager led him to the “mens relaxation room” to change and wait for the therapist. There were four or five totally nude elderly men sitting/lounging in the room socializing amongst themselves. S didn’t know what to do - he waited for about fifteen minutes, but when no one came to get him, he just left and came up to my room. He was very upset and said that he wanted to “burn the image from his mind.” Said he was “creeped out,” and didn’t want to discuss it anymore. He never really told me exactly what he saw, but he was upset…this is a kid who has been to nude beaches and pools in Europe, so he knows that customs vary. He’s as typical of a teenage athletic type boy as they come. I felt terrible about it because I had really pushed him to get the massage, thinking it would help him feel better.
I went down to the spa and explained that I thought we had an understanding that he was a teenager and didn’t want the typical spa treatment, and while it didn’t occur to me that they’d put him in a room with nude adult men, I just assumed they knew what they were doing. There were no nude ladies in the female areas - everyone was wrapped in the robes they provided, so the issue of nudity never crossed my mind (I wish it would have). They could have at least told me about it and he could have said no. It would have been easiest just to take him straightaway to the treatment room, avoiding the communal clothing optional area. The manager was quite rude and unsympathetic - said all men’s “locker rooms” in “all” spas are clothing optional and he should have known that. She made a big deal about not charging me a cancellation fee. The whole thing left me really disgusted, isn’t a spa about making clients comfortable and accommodating their needs? If a female requested to change privately, wouldn’t that be accommodated?
I also wonder - it is proper to put a minor in a room with nude adult men? It just seems wrong to me.
I think someone should have said something at the start and then it could be your decision to let your S go to the room - or not. This sounds strange ( and somewhat creepy) to me.
My kids (and H) would have been creeped out as well. Too bad the staff was so unsympathetic and no one warned you that things were as your S found it. My H and kids and I are not familiar with casual nudity and wouldn’t have been comfortable either.
Let’s get this part out of the way first. Let’s not go overboard; he’s 16 years old. Has he never been in a locker room with adult men? I won’t even comment on the fact that he will one day be elderly.
I agree with @FallGirl that this sounds a little weird to me. I’m European, so I’m used to coed clothing optional saunas. That said, I’ve also been to spas in both the US and Europe for treatment including massage, and I’ve never encountered a “relaxation room” that was clothing optional. Maybe it’s different in Florida, but I’ve only seen locker rooms and waiting rooms.
However, I can understand your son being uncomfortable, but I’m not sure I would have done anything other than simply leaving (or politely inquiring why I was still waiting after 15 minutes).
I have never been to a spa where robes were not issued to both men and women - there are hygiene reasons for that. It’s hard to imagine that the spa would endorse totally nude individuals lounging around in public spaces used by other men. Could these men all have been together and just decided to forgo the robes as a group? Did the spa issue your S a robe?
I don’t blame your son for being uncomfortable - my own S would not have lasted a NY minute in that room. If he does not want to discuss it I would let it go. It’s a shame that it was handled so poorly but I do wonder whether the spa even knew that all those men were in there totally nude.
As a woman I can’t answer from first hand experience but I have heard stories that would have led me to believe that was quite typical.
I know that at some of the private city clubs in LA and SF, for example, women were not allowed to use the pools even after women were admitted to the membership because men swam nude in the pools.
I definitely have heard stories about old nude male celebrities in the old days hanging around steam rooms in Palm Springs hotels. Not a pleasant image at all.
In the present day, Korean baths and spas are popular around here and I’ve heard male friends talk about how it is suprising to walk into a room with stark naked men lying around.
Then there are the Esalen hot tubs … The 80-year-old naked hippies in the co-ed hot tubs sort of ruin the extraordinary natural beauty of the Big Sur coastline.
At the fancy hotel spas, I would have thought robes would have been de rigueuer when not in the steam room, sauna or in the water. I have been to spas where most women were nude in the hot tubs, and nude but covered by towels in the steam room or sauna.
It seems like it is the older generations that are more used to the nudity at spas, actually.
Was he the focus of their attention? Comments made?
Teasing or even discussing with him “when I was young” or “enjoy you good looks now” could be upsetting.
Also, the confusion of what was going to happen next–15 minutes is a long time to wait for a set appointment.
I think that in steam rooms, saunas and spa pools one should expect some nudity. That is perfectly acceptable in the women’s area of a spa and there are chemicals that take care of any health concerns. But the waiting lounges in spas are usually very comfortable places full of soft fabric couches and chairs. Think about that - I would not want to be the person that sat down after one of them got up.
Why would he even be brought into a locker room or “relaxation room” before a massage? Why couldn’t he be brought right into his massage room to change there? That’s always been the norm for me. Would he have been expected to walk naked from the relaxation room to wherever the massage table was?
Very creepy. And I hope those old men weren’t sitting on public benches but I know they must have been. Locker rooms have naked people, yes, but they are changing or showering, not hanging around sipping tea for hours!
How awful that they even considered charging a cancellation fee. Good for you for complaining. This is what internet review sites were made for. Forewarned is forearmed!
“I think that in steam rooms, saunas and spa pools one should expect some nudity.” I fully expect nudity as well. It’s not as common in the US as Europe, but I’ve experienced it on both sides of the pond. I also consider spas as adult environments. And whether or not a 16 year old is old enough varies wildly.
. But since the OP’s son has been to nude beaches and pools is the problem is that he did not consider that old people get nude as well?
I agree, I’d contact the hotel manager or someone at the main office of the hotel chain. Seems inappropriate. Certainly there should be a robed waiting room option.
I’m a little confused by OP’s post. The spas I’ve been to have several different areas where one might encounter some degree of nudity: a group changing areas akin to a large locker room; shower/steam/whirlpool areas; and “getting ready” areas with vanities and blow dryers, etc. Separate and apart from those areas would be a “relaxation” space with soft furnishings, tea and fruit, magazines, etc., with no actual changing going on. I’ve never seen any nudity in this latter category of space; everyone is in robes.
Were the nude men in question lounging/ hanging out in the locker room area where actual changing would occur, or in a soft-furnished relaxation area? If it was in the changing area, I don’t think there would be grounds for further complaint, especially since they didn’t charge you a cancellation fee.
But, I want to stress that, no matter where in the facility this was occuring, it was very good for your son to have exited a situation in which he didn’t feel comfortable. That’s the key point; anyone can describe a situation as “normal” on paper but if the vibe didn’t feel right to him for whatever reason the proper thing to do is to leave, which is exactly what he did.
A man who identified himself as the owner of the spa and developer of the hotel called me. Initially, he was extremely friendly, bordering on pandering - told me all about himself; where he grew up, went to college, etc., recognized my area code and chatted about where I’m from. Clearly trying to soften me up (which gave me the impression he was concerned about liability). When I told him my son’s age, he immediately pivoted to a condescending and dismissive tone. He must have assumed that S was a younger teen (S has a baby face and looks like a lanky 14 year old). Told me that it was not a big deal and I should tell my son S “to get used to nudity in the locker room if he wants to be an athlete.” Nice parenting advice that I didn’t ask for from a total stranger, which left me feeling belittled and uncomfortable. This hotel/spa cost me over $1000 per day, so now I’m fuming and feeling a negative TripAdvisor review coming on.
I doubt this man has teenaged sons, because I can’t think of one who would not find this disturbing. I did go there ahead of time to make sure that they knew his age…they shouldn’t have taken the appointment if they couldn’t accommodate him. It was obviously a misunderstanding…they think they can accommodate teen boys, but have no idea what that means. Very poor service and training.
The health club my husband and I belong to serves a large percentage of elderly members. The OP story sounds like what happens in the male dressing rooms there. Lots of old naked guys who don’t bother with a towel. Old naked guys sitting in the lounge area of the dressing room chatting. H is appalled.
I am still trying to understand. It’s that they were OLD naked guys and not just naked guys> is that it? He felt unsafe or were his youthful aesthetics offended?