I’m also not into “strutting my stuff” and playing comparison games in the buff. I’m in pretty good shape for a non-body-builder, but still have never liked comparing bodies and having people make comments about themselves or me. It’s a game where I don’t see any winners and feels icky to me. If I were a teen and had a bunch of 80+ year old naked people sitting around, I would not have stuck around, period. That’s just not what I’d be comfortable with. If that makes me a prude, so be it.
I’m “hot” – H thinks so and I do as well. I have nothing to prove to anyone else, but really think most folks look MUCH better clothed than nude and it makes most of us more comfortable.
Does this really happen, the comparing in the buff? Must be a regional thing or I’m oblivious to it but most of my own exposure has been in cultures where people of all ages and sizes bathe together. I think its healthy to see the range of sizes and body types out there and how few meet the skewed image that media and marketing puts in one’s mind as an ideal. I think that’s why body positive advertising like Dove is a good thing.
^^^ I’m not aware of that, and I do work out with other women. We’re all about being supportive of one another and encouraging one another at whatever age. No one compares - sounds demeaning and crass, IMO.
I was raised in an extremely modest household and never felt comfortable displaying my body, even when I suppose I could have. I think that this thread demonstrates that MOST people make judgments about what other people look like: too old, not fit enough, too fat, too wrinkled, you name it.
How many times have you read something where people went on about how a person who was “too old” or “too fat” or whatever shouldn’t dare to appear on a beach in even a modest bathing suit? As if the only reason for being at the beach is to display your body for the delectation of potential mates.
How many times have you read something on FB or here about HS or college reunions where there is a snide comment about other people “not aging well” or the like?
I envy people who can rise above this kind of thing and feel comfortable in their less-than-ideal bodies. I can’t. I am constantly aware of judgment.
^^^ Don’t agree. We may think people are looking at us and judging us, but most aren’t, and anyone who does is ignorant and not worth caring about anyway. I think those people are a small minority of judgmental and shallow folks.
One of the things I like most about the beach is the mix of bodies - all ages and all types enjoying the weather and feeling comfortable - all beautiful, really. I still wear a two piece swimming suit in my mid 50s, while I’m not overweight, I have a little loose skin on my stomach from three big babies…so what?
I just want people to cover their genitals, that’s all.
@Gourmetmom, I think it’s pretty clear from the clothes you like to wear that you are not among the population that is judged harshly.
I agree that I am fine with seeing all kinds of people on the beach or elsewhere. (I grew up in the Loehmann’s dressing room, after all.) I also agree that I just want people to cover their genitals.
@Consolation I think that you are missing the larger point made in this thread and typified by the cartoon in #84: why do young men cover up, but old men don’t? I see this every time I go to the gym.
As I mentioned before, there appears to be a very strange “look at me” bent to the behavior of old men that is not shared at all by young, virile men. If young men also openly displayed their genitalia in locker rooms and sauna relaxation rooms, I would concede that you have a point about the unfairness of body culture in our society.
Perhaps. Would the OP’s son have been so “upset” had he seen young males his own age nude at the spa? The “old” part had nothing to do with his discomfort?
I’ve heard MANY times when people speak about nude beaches, “most of the people on the nude beach have no business being naked.” This sends the definite message that people with young, toned, “beautiful” bodies can go nude without the same upsetting result as people who don’t have perfect bodies. Or “she really has no business being in a bikini.” Let’s not pretend that people don’t have different reactions to uncovered bodies based on things like age, and fitness of said bodies.
Nudists are probably the last ones to be judgmental IMO.
I don’t think the young/old difference was a difference of beauty so much as it was a difference of culture. Maybe old men feel free from any judgey constraints and just like to be comfortable. Maybe there’s an edge of confrontation there that feels hostile too.
I thought of this thread today as I stripped down and showered (after swimming) in the (women’s) locker room at my community center, then walked to my locker to get my towel, bathing suit kind of covering me. Just like everyone else there–although I guess a few people get their towels before they get in the showers. But then the towel gets wet because the shower curtains really do nothing to direct the shower spray out of the aisles.
I swim at a public community center that charges pretty much nothing ($4 to drop in, way less if you buy a multi-visit card). The locker room has pretty much nothing in terms of “private space” for changing, and the only people I see using the private spaces are girls of age 10-15 (ish)–everyone else is just keeping their eyes to themselves and changing quickly. I think the girls use the private areas because they’re shy and self-conscious.
I disagree. I think age often has a lot to do with it.
I’m a nurse, around a lot of naked people, and I know for a fact that the old or obese get a totally different reaction from people when they are undressed than young, fit, attractive people. I’m not even necessarily saying that’s wrong or not understandable. But people like to deny that they are repulsed more by naked people who aren’t attractive because they think it makes them seem superficial.
I think old people can seem scary to young people. I’ll admit when I was in nursing school, I was terrified my first day walking into a nursing home. The old people scared me, particularly the ones who looked disheveled and maybe not mentally sharp. Eventually I came to love my geriatric patients, but those first few weeks, I was very very uncomfortable around them. I would probably have been even more so if I were the age of the OP’s son.
I remember once seeing a very old man trying to sit down into a wheelchair and his gown was open to the back. His…privates were literally hanging down to his knees, and I’ll confess right here and now that my reaction, though not voiced aloud, was certainly different than if I’d observed a naked Ryan Gosling or Matt Damon from behind. We’re all human, and can’t necessarily change our gut reactions to certain things.
There’s a difference between judging and comparing. Judging is a societal phenomenon with differing parameters based on your culture, comparing is hard wired into our monkey brains.
I think problems happen when the woman being stared at makes assumptions about what the other woman is thinking. Once I was staring at another woman’s shirt and frowning, and she (because she knew me) was like, what’s up? And I said, “I just realized I forgot to get the button replaced on my favorite blouse”. Seeing her shirt reminded me of it. It had absolutely nothing to do with her or what she looked like. But, a lot of people out there would have assumed I was looking at them and frowning.
Same thing with seeing another woman with augmented breasts or very defined muscles-I’ll be like, hmm, do I want fake boobs? (not yet) or really muscly arms? (too lazy). But I definitely am aware I’m comparing myself to them, but I’m not making a judgment ON them.
Yes, of course we have different reactions when we see different body types. But in this particular thread my observation was that most of the comments were about nudity in general - some attempts at humor - but most of our serious thoughts were about our reactions to nudity at the gym/spa. The OP’s son did not really express the reasons for his discomfort.
