Open Letters to Inanimate Objects

College Life
1

<p>Promulgate your deepest feelings towards pesky, delightful, or suspect inanimate objects.</p>

<p>Dear rebellious strawberries,</p>

<p>Again? Again? Why is this? I wander the food store and come upon you, looking delectable as always. Your charming red, pristine looks and all, staring me right in the face. What’s a man to do, ignore you? But how? </p>

<p>Anyway, I bring you to the counter, purchase you, and then make a nice spot for you in my 'fridge. Of course, I think, you being so fresh and ripe moments ago, what’s it matter if I wait a day or two to eat you? And so I leave you there. Now I don’t know what happens in those two days, but WHAM!, when I revisit you, mouth watering and all, your looks have transformed. </p>

<p>You’re hideous, bruised, and mushy! What has happened!? Why, after only two days have passed, did you turn on me like this!?! It doesn’t matter. I’m never going to fall for your tricks again; I’ve with cherries now. Anyway, nice knowin’ ya…</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

<p>Matt</p>

2

<p>Dear Sociology Final,</p>

<p>You kicked my ass today. I hate you. </p>

<p>Brian</p>

3

<p>Dear Karma,</p>

<p>You are a *****.</p>

<p>Wayne Kerr.</p>

4

<p>Dear Insomnia</p>

<p>Why do you always visit me after school semester is over?
It’s been 3 days.
Let me sleep.
Please.
I’m up at 4:35 am on college confidential.
I’m drinking decaf red tea… chewing gum…
let me sleep.
Please.
Thanks.</p>

5

<p>Dear procrastination,</p>

<p>Go bother someone else.</p>

<p>No love,
M</p>

6

<p>Haha, nice letters! Anybody else?</p>

7

<p>dear charlie brown,
yes, you are my adorable 4 month old beagle puppy. yes, I ordinarily spoil you with treats and take you out for walks in central park five times a week. but now it’s finals week, and it’s 20 degrees outside, so i’m busy and too cold. also, throwing up on my rug is not cool, especially because we’re leaving this apartment in a week. when we move back to long island I promise you’ll have room to run around again. and chewing up my laptop case was not cool either :[</p>

<p>love Alix <3</p>

<p>he’s the opposite of an inanimate object but he can’t talk and I’m frustrated :/</p>

8

<p>Dear Biology Final,</p>

<p>Thank you so much for ruining my morning. I appreciated it, not.</p>

9

<p>Dear Physics,
Thank you for ruining my dreams of becoming an engineer. I can’t believe I have to retake you. I’m over you and I just wanna get you over with and move on. Don’t you understand that there are better subjects that you? Let me pass you next quarter so that I can be done and get my GPA up.</p>

<p>Sincerely,
Chickenboi8008</p>

10

<p>Dear globalization paper,</p>

<p>Please write yourself. I have not slept in three days and this is really getting ridiculous.</p>

<p>Thanks,
Jill</p>

11

<p>Dear *****,</p>

<p>I will get Viagra soon. Promise.</p>

12

<p>^^ LMAO!! I knew someone was gonna do something like that ahahhaha</p>

13

<p>Dear soda machine,</p>

<p>Thank you so much for giving me two cokes the other day when I only put in money for one. I was really thirsty and I needed the caffeine to continue studying for calculus. As sad as it is, you totally made my day. </p>

<p>Thanks,
Julie</p>

14

<p>Dear Airplanes,</p>

<p>I have to ride in you a lot. My mother’s phobias give me anxiety. Please don’t make any suspicious noises. And definitely, please don’t crash. Thanks.</p>