<p>Are you still with her? </p>
<p>There’ll be no ****ing involved. Like I said - no oral sex or ‘normal’ sex. Basically just kissing. People need to feel someone close to them sometimes.</p>
<p>not that close! come on. one year isn’t a life time. just wait a while.</p>
<p>I never had the desire to make out with any other girl - if he seriously does, he doesn’t love you.</p>
<p>Yes, I am still with her.</p>
<p>^ few guys can go through a year of college and never have the desire to make out with another girl, so you would definitely be the exception as opposed to the rule</p>
<p>I’m not saying I never thought that a girl was hot, or that it’d be fun to make out with her. I’m saying that as a consequence of being in a committed relationship, that was not something I could, should, or would do. If I wanted to make out with random girls beyond just “oh, she’s really hot” and actually was going to do it (permnission or not) - I would not have been in love with my girlfriend, it would have been a lie.</p>
<p>Neverborn is right - loving someone means that at times you sacrifice for them. Going without kissing other girls for an extended period of time doesn’t seem like too much of a price to pay, but then - I really love my girlfriend as well.</p>
<p>Hmm, let me try to address these in some kind of logical order.</p>
<p>Enn - no, the thought never crossed my mind at the time to just break up with her. And I fully empathize with how difficult it is now to think about doing that as a possible solution to the problem. However, looking back on it, I lost someone very important to me, and I think you’re putting yourself in a situation where that could happen to you too. Remember, if you break up on a relatively good note and make it a point to stay close friends, you’ll have that person in your life and close to you, and you could get back together with them at some point. However, if you let it sit and sour to a nasty end, you’ll lose that. It is extremely difficult, but try to think about long term. You’ll really regret it later.</p>
<p>srcameron - there is no exact way to tell how long is long enough to call it off. Obviously, don’t call it off if the person is just going on vacation for a week or whatever. But it’s a function of how soon you think it is before the distance doesn’t just become an inconvenient nuisance in the relationship and starts to become an all-consuming, central aspect that effects every part of the relationship. 4-6 months I think would definitely call for a break and a venture into “very good friend” territory.</p>
<p>I think a lot of other people on this thread are really shooting in the dark when they talk about what they “would” do in this situation. I think you have to actually experience it before being able to talk about it.</p>
<p>The exception is neverborn. I have a lot of respect for someone like you who can actually be able to hold it down despite the long distance. However, I think you should keep in mind that neither person has to actually cheat for the relationship to go downhill. Just the fact that you’re seperated alone will start to tear the relationship apart and lead to things like jealousy, frustration, etc. </p>
<p>It is, of course, fully possible that both of you can go a year without having any of the stuff that happened to me happen and be perfectly happy. However, that probability of that is astronomically low. Think in terms of most probable situation. If you go a year forcing a relationship that doesn’t really exist, is there a good chance that the relationship will really go downhill? Yes. Is there a good chance that in that year you or he will find someone who you fall totally in love with so you never look at the other person again? Absolutely not. You only have a chance of screwing things up if you stay together and try to force this.</p>
<p>As for everyone who says basically that if you’re in love you should be able to make it work, I think they should really step back for a second. As anyone in a serious relationship knows love doesn’t make a relationship work. Love is just a first step. It takes a lot of hard work and no small amount of chance for a relationship to work. I’m not saying that the people who’ve posted the other opinion here are wrong; I’m just saying that you should be pragmatic and not idealistic about the upcoming year you have.</p>
<p>Re: 9 months. Yes, it may be possible; often, it is. In many situations, though, it’s either not medically recommended, recommended beyond a certain point, or the woman simply may not really be in the mood. All understandable.</p>
<p>Somewhat related statistics: women are 9 times as likely to be killed in their own homes as murdered on the street. Pregnant women are of the highest risk of death or beating from their spouses or boyfriends.</p>
<p>^ what?</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>There’s no such thing as an open relationship. You’re either doing one person exclusively or a bunch of different people whenever you feel like.</p>
<p>not all guys are sex addicts who must have physical contact with the first girl that comes along only to fulfill their animlistic desires.</p>
<p>i.e. guys are not always like what you said Dima. Many of them can be monogomous and not make out with anyone but their girlfriends.</p>
<p>Half-baked, I’ll bring this up when he settles down at college in a few weeks and we’re actually having long conversations again (right now it’s mostly miss you, gnite, love you). </p>
<p>If this is the only way not to lose him, then I guess taking a sort of break might be better.</p>
<p>Half_baked, I kind of disagree, simply because I’ve known many couples wo have handled being seperated for a shorter period of time (summer breaks, study abroad, being at a different school for a semester, whatever), and were perfectly fine. It seems to me that more problems tend to arise when time apart is for an unspecified amount of time (people leaving to attend college far apart, with no plan as to how to see eachother other than on breaks when both are “back home”).</p>
<p>Granted, my boyfriend and I haven’t personally gone through this situation, but having both been faced with a similar situation, and having both talked about it, I’ve offered advice based upon those conversations, as well as conversations I’ve had with other people who have done the ldr thing, for various lengths of time.</p>
<p>Anwyays Enn, best of luck to you, I hope everything works out and you both reach a solution that you can live with in the long run and for the time being.</p>
<p>Hopefully we’ll both be going to NYU by fall '07. He’s going there and it’s my top choice if I get accepted this spring.</p>
<p>enn, when my boyfriend had to go back to vancouver for college we both knew we had to break up. because separation is indefinite and painful, and both of us didn’t want to have some sorta baggage or committment. for example, if you guys meet online to speak on skype at 9pm every night, and one day he doesn’t appear and didn’t tell you in advance, you would just get all neurotic and cynical and angry. maybe i was from a whole different position altogether as my boyfriend and i weren’t together for such a long time, but the emotional attachment to him was definitely there. </p>
<p>i guess maybe u guys could break off for a year, and when it comes for time for you both to meet at nyu u guys could re-evaluate and decide the status of your relationship</p>
<p>We actually did discuss a scenario like that. That’s why we don’t have a set time to be online or to talk. If we’re on, we sms each other, etc.</p>
<p>mmm what can i say? u seem pretty adamant to continue this relationship. if u are sure that you would be able to accept him messing around (and think about it, how likely is it that he/you messes around and this does not lead to sex?), then by all means, go ahead. i wish you guys all the best.</p>
<p>stuck-on-1700, can some guys resist the temptation to cheat when they’re hundreds or even thousands of miles away from their girlfriends, havent seen them for a while, and wont get caught? yes, but I wouldnt say its many, not at this stage in their lives</p>
<p>okay…maybe some do. but if a guy really loves and cares about his gf then he won’t think of doing anything to jeapordize that relationship. sure guys look at other girls and cheating can cross their minds, but if there is a serious relationship then they do not entertain those thoughts and end it at just looking.</p>
<p>I’d appreciate it if you only contribute if you’ve actually been in a serious, long-term relationship.</p>
<p>Thank you. =]</p>
<p>And, yeah, I’m sticking with this guy no matter what. I stick to my commitments and I stick with the people I love. This is like a biiiig ass speed bump that we have in the road ahead of us, but it’s okay. We can manage it.</p>