<p>No, I was only referring to those who insisted on marriage.</p>
<p>As for sharing a room in college, I thought it was a horrible idea and preached against it. S had his own room but he never stayed there. They hid things when her parents came.</p>
<p>I knew what was going on, and no one can hide things from me.</p>
<p>I felt sad because I thought S let some friendships go, but short of using the power of the checkbook (which I didn’t want to do) there was really nothing I could do.</p>
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<p>I think most of us respect just about any way a parent would want to handle things in their own home. I personally, have a problem with only 2 points of view posted:</p>
<p>1)“Fine- you may sleep together, but you are absolutely forbidden to engage in sexual activity.” WTH?</p>
<p>2)“I know you are married, but you may not share a room in my home. It’s too creepy. Now goodnight, I’m going to go crawl in bed with my husband.”</p>
<p>One thing that makes all this easier, is that families are often life minded folk. So even though the arrangements the other guy makes might seem unusual to us, and ours to them, family members often feel comfortable. I know my entire extended family is as liberal on these matters as I am, and we do have gay members who share rooms when they visit.</p>
<p>Actually they are married now. Got married in MA when they could.</p>
<p>But you get my drift.</p>
<p>Mythmom, it wasn’t that hard. They’d also asked for rooms on the first floor. So you walked into a small hall, bathroom straight ahead, bedroom on the right, dressing room on the left with closets and room for a day bed.</p>
<p>I haven’t forbidden him to have sex! I am not crazy or deluded, I am still getting comfortable with the idea. I know it’s my hang up and I have talked with him about consequences and my feelings about his ability to handle the possible consequences, emotionally, financially whatever. I’ll talk about it but I am not quite ready to make up the guest suite with satin sheets and Barry White CD’s!</p>
<p>Oftentimes in conservative environments, even if a person is homosexual, he/she will put up a farce and live a lie (that’s called “being in the closet”). My guess is if Baelor has gay relatives, they are pretty deep in the closet (or maybe they simply are not in committed life long relationships yet! Did he miss that one? Though again I presume there are other issues besides sleeping arrangements). Being in the closet has been proven to be hugely mentally damaging, and people who aren’t open about their sexuality are at greater risk for suicide and a whole host of problems. But oh well. Baelor seems to think it’s ok to treat family members that way. Well, it won’t be how I treat my family…</p>
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<p>Who said you have forbidden your son from having sex?! Your point of view sounds very reasonable.</p>
<p>The two points I thought were really really odd were made by other posters and were actually about people they knew, not their own sentiments.</p>
<p>Sorry Nrdsb4, I was confused!</p>
<p>Coming from an 18 year old, I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and was very upset when my grandparents made him sleep in a separate room when we went on vacation with them. They wouldn’t even let me stay in the same room alone with him. </p>
<p>In my personal opinion, let them make the decision. But you should make it obvious that they shouldn’t be getting it on in your bedsheets.</p>
<p>Whoa, I would never let an 18 year old sleep in the same room as her boyfrined while on vacation with her grandparents no matter how long they had been together. I can definitely see how grandparents in particular, people from a different generation, would be upset by that, and frankly I think that kids should try to honor their parents and grandparents wishes (within reason) particularly if it’s just for a short period. It’s a pretty minimal thing that just makes it easier for everyone involved to get along comfortably. </p>
<p>If it’s your house or you’re the one paying for the trip, then you should get to decide how the sleeping arrangements go. And if people don’t like it, they can vote wtih their wallets by getting a hotel. Honestly, for a few days or weeks people should be able to sleep separately without crisis.</p>
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<p>LOL, no biggie. Your comment about the satin sheets and Barry White CD’s cracked me up,though.</p>
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<p>I agree with that for the most part. With one exception: the MIL who freaked out and wouldn’t let her son and his new wife sleep together. In that kind of situation, it’s not a matter of being unable to sleep with each other without crisis. It’s a matter of being given respect for being an adult in a legally committed relationship rather than being treated like a perpetual child. That one is just waaaay out there.</p>
<p>crazymom: You sound perfectly uncrazy to me too.</p>
<p>And I understand the other comments that seem strange too. People are trying to get comfortable with the inevitable. Some can, some can’t. Some have religious views that proscribe behavior. Some don’t.</p>
<p>My grandparents were fine with my first H and I living together for five years, and sure, if we’d gone on vacation, he and I would have had our own room, but by then we were both college graduates and “grown-up.” They had a harder time with the idea that he wasn’t Jewish, but they got past that as well. They were cool folks. And my grandmother got arrested at 15 for being a union rabble rouser.</p>
<p>^^^Lol, that’s great. I love it when I find out things like that about older relatives. Helps you see them as more of a whole person rather than Grandma or Uncle Ben.</p>
<p>I want to make clear that I have no problem with “my house, my rules” (except in the case of married gay and lesbian couples who are subjected to discrimination under the guise of it.) My reaction was to the notion that saying, “Okay, you can sleep together but no going past second base” was a reasonable thing to do. As someone has already said, they’ve just about guarenteed that couple will have sex by making it forbidden fruit. Of course, they are adults so they’ll be quiet and the parents will go on thinking that their kid is a born-again virgin while under their roof. Oy.</p>
<p>I find it far more creepy for parents to be dictating to an adult child what they should or should not be doing with their genitals. There is no definition of good manners that that falls under. Put them in seperate rooms or let them sleep together, but mind your own business. </p>
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<p>Oh, please, as if your children would come to you? </p>
<p>I’m torn on this topic. On one hand, of course I want my son’s husband to come from a home where the parents have unconditional love and full respect of all of their children. On the other hand, if they come from a home where they didn’t have that, we’ll get them for all the vacations and I won’t have to share my grandchildren. </p>
<p>I suppose I cannot be a good mother-in-law and hope that my future son-in-law was not treated well by his parents but, darnit, it’s going to be hard to share those grandkids!</p>
<p>At 18, unmarried and on vacation with the grandparents? No, I would not have expected to share a room with a man nor would I expect my son to ask his grandparents to do that, even if he was straight. </p>
<p>See, even PMK gets her conservative on sometimes!</p>
<p>Yes, I think it’s generally fine if you’re “grown up” (out of college, or at least into your 20s), but 18 is quite young and a teenage relationship is quite different from an adult one. I’m not in the camp that you have to be married to share a room, but I think that you have to be a little older than 18. People should give adult relationships certian levels of respect and privileges that teenage relationships don’t necessarily garner. But I think the people in the relationships should have some respect too for their parents and grandparents and try to put themselves in their shoes. It shouldn’t all just be about getting what you want, but also about considering the feelings of the other party, up to a point.</p>
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<p>I AM the son. So yes, I would. And yes, I do know. Isn’t that funny?</p>
<p>It is also pushing things to feel entitled to make an issue of one’s sexuality (which ever ways it may go) when young, single and travelling with the grandparents!</p>
<p>^^^^I agree. Although my husband would have a much harder time dealing with the 18 y/o’s request to sleep with the boyfriend than her grandmother, his Mom. When we were dating, I stayed over at her home one night. She said “Let’s just dispense with the pretense that you two are not sleeping together (we were 26 and 27 at the time) and save me from having to do two sets of sheets.” I remember the burning cheeks even today…</p>