<p>Nobody is retiring today so that is meaningless. If he takes $25,000 out of the 1 Million today it leaves $975,000 so the income would go down to $48750 from $50,000 at retirement. Hardly a large change. Meanwhile he gets 20 years of enjoyment of whatever this is. That has value too. Life can’t be all about the future. You have to have a little fun in the present too. You might not even see that future.</p>
<p>How would you feel if instead he took an all male weekend skiing once a year for the last 7 years, or had season hockey/football/baseball (or whatever other sport) tickets for a few years, or went with some guys on a fishing trip for the last 5+ years? Those items could add up to that amount of money too. Would you feel differently then? What about a new set of golf clubs and flying to Hawaii for a golf weekend? New skiis and flying to Vermont for an all male ski week?</p>
<p>I guess everyone has a different tolerance for toys. I know of 2 guys who recently bought expensive impractical sports cars. One man is married has 2 kids and faces college tuition bills, the other is married but does not have any children. The man without kids really spent a huge sum on his sportscar! In both cases the wives do not work. Neither wife resents it (that I am aware of anyway), although the man with the kids has much more debt and his wife also purchases expensive toys (which is why they are always in debt).</p>
<p>In these times, you just cannot save enough. You never know when a disaster will strike that taps all your emergency funds. A home disaster that isn’t covered by insurance, a medical crisis, a job loss. And no one knows what inflation will be like in the future?</p>
<p>I agree that you cannot deny yourself all pleasure by being a miser and not living life. But you also have to be sensible.</p>
<p>“Why should he do any of this work? Because he’s part of the family.”
so he’s named in the parents will, then? if not, give him his “sweat equity” now and let him do with as he pleases. if the work were entirely put out to bid, the contractor would want to be at compensated at latest upon completion. sounds to me more and more like the husband has been one of those handimen - as in handy for others to have him around when need arises.</p>
<p>“And no one knows what inflation will be like in the future?”</p>
<p>All the more reason to enjoy some money now–while it still is worth something. Planning for doomday is just like wearing a hairshirt. You are making your own misery. If the worst happens it happens and you deal with it then. No reason to stop enjoying life some while you have it.</p>
<p>Do I understand this correctly:</p>
<p>Your parents will pay DH for the work</p>
<p>You & your disabled sister should each net $100k</p>
<p>My first thought would be not about you & DH, but about your sister- can you get involved with where her money will go, perhaps to buy her a place to live and in a trust so it is protected from squandering? My disabled sibling inherited $100k and blew through 2/3 of it in a year and one of my sibs took over and went in on a house with the disabled sib, using the remaining inheritance for a down payment. My sibling who went in on the house is still stuck making payments and maintenance and repairs years later and is not happy about it all. Had someone stepped in right up front and insisted the full inheritance be used for a housing investment, everyone would have been better off.</p>
<p>On your DH, I am curious what he wants to buy and what portion of your assets he is spending. If this is truly disposable income, I would think you should each get half to spend as chosen!</p>
<p>Is the work and 25,000 in addition to his “day” job? If it is I might be more inclined to let him spend the money. He is the one doing the extra work. You and your sibling would have to pay someone else to do the work if your H doesn’t do it. With your H you will probably save money and have the job done quicker and with better results.
Or how about a compromise, spend half and save half. Or if it will cause an issue I would just pay another contractor.</p>
<p>And I felt guilty when I told my H I was buying myself a Kindle :)</p>
<p>It sounds like you and H have very different views on money. From what I am hearing, H has spent more than you are comfortable over the course of a 20 year marriage, so this has been a continuous irritant to you.</p>
<p>In this instance, it sounds like he is putting in work that would garner your family a significant amount of money. And he would like to reward himself as part of the process.</p>
<p>This does not sound unreasonable to me - people need to enjoy the fruits of their labor while they’re alive - you can’t take it with you. That is, if it does not put the family into financial jeopardy.</p>
<p>This sounds like a continuation of a pattern in which his spending habits irritate you. I think it would be wise to get counseling before seeking a divorce, if this is the only matter between you. As others have suggested, a divorce will cost you more than 25K and seriously impact your financial status for a long time.</p>
<p>Some posts talking about the $1MM nest egg/investment- I read it as net worth which includes the home in which they live, so no annual income on that amount? Potential appreciation, some years ;)</p>
<p>We recently had an unexpected windfall - a small private company I was working for 10 years ago was just bought out by an investeror, right before my options were about to expire. When I worked for the company I was working from home and they didn´t pay me much, so they gave me options instead. It wasn´t Yahoo or Google type of buyout, but it´s going help with our retirement. </p>
<p>It never crossed my mind not to put it in our joint account. I had no plan of spending any of it because there was nothing I really wanted. At the time it was a little bit sad to me because it almost seem like I have lost joy of life (the excitement of saving/buying that house, car, necklace, iPad, trip). </p>
<p>H then reminded me of that French purse I have always wanted since I was 30. There is a long waiting list and the cost is so outrageous, we always laughed about someday I´ll be buried with it. Few days after he mentioned it, we so happened to walk by a store where they just had 2 shipped to them (with no one´s name on it). My H told me to go for it, and I did. When I am carrying it, it reminds me of the first time when we were in Paris touching it for the first time and thinking about maybe someday…</p>
<p>If 25K could make your H´s dream come true, maybe it would be money very well spend.</p>
<p>Regardless of what you decide about the 25K, there is an excellent point about keeping the inheritance money separated from your other finances. Open an account (or accounts) in your own name, not joint, and put any inhertance money in those. You can do the same with any gifts from your parents (into the same accounts) if they specifically note to you that it is a gift to you.</p>
<p>You can spend it on joint stuff (eg, pay down the mortgage), or whatever you want to, but keep all the documents related to the expenditures (copies of cancelled checks, statements, receipts). In most states that is “non-marital money”, and if you ever do end up divorced from H, you will be SO glad you did this, as that portion of the assets it was spent on will be considered yours, not joint. His 25K, by the way, would be considered joint. So you would own half of his “toy”, whatever it is, in a divorce situation.</p>
<p>Not saying you are headed there at all, but I would advice ANYONE in this situation of receiving gifts or inheritances to handle it this way. My children already have strict instructions on this from me, and I will follow them up in writing if I give them substantial monetary gifts in the future. I am happy to be the “bad guy” to their spouses over insisting on this.</p>
<p>I think you need to find a new job. I think the rest of this is irrelevant. you describe yourself as “sinking into despair.” </p>
<p>It’s the end of a three-year low in the economy and you have substantial savings, two rental properties, a 401K, and a house. You’re in phenomenal economic shape. Why on earth would you stay with a job you hate? </p>
<p>You describe multiple sacrifices that you’ve made to get to this point–including NOT staying home with your children–surely there’s no need to destroy your mental and physical health, too?</p>
<p>Please don’t end your marriage over a $25,000 luxury item. You and your husband share the same income and assets; he is happy and you are not. That tells you something.</p>
<p>My father agonized over every cent he made and spent in his life because of a deep-seated fear of not having enough to live on. He died in his mid-50’s leaving my mother quite well off between the life insurance from dying at a young age and from every penny he still had that he was too afraid to spend in his life. She wishes they had enjoyed spending some of that money together. (or apart, just that he had enjoyed himself more.)</p>
<p>I agree with dmd, and with Izzie.</p>
<p>OP, could you use the funds you expect to inherit to leverage yourself into a more manageable job situation? For instance, possibly you could work fewer hours, or at a lower-paying but more interesting or emotionally rewarding job, and make up the difference from the inheritance? Or use some of the money from the inheritance to fund time off, or training for a field that you’d prefer? It seems to me that if you’re getting 100K, you should be able to use it to buy your freedom, so to speak. Then hubby’s 25K purchase wouldn’t rankle so much.</p>
<p>I feel there is a disconnect in values that you are hanging onto a unsatisfactory job out of economic necessity and your husband wishing to buy a $25K luxury item.
If your husband is the contractor, then I think he should be paid by your parents and do whatever he wants with his compensation. However, I would keep your inheritance separate from community property.</p>
<p>Just to help everyone out…it’s a Harley. I will definitely never enjoy it, and it will probably make me mad every time I look at it. I am sure it is a little mid life crisis.</p>
<p>Oldfort…if I were happy in the job, and our prospects looked better for employment, I would still be unhappy about him taking 25k and spending it on himself. I’ve never done anything even close to that in our marriage. It’s like me saying I want to take my next year end bonus and not pay tuition with it. I think this type of luxury expenditure is for people who have more money, and less future obligations than we do. I’ve added up our potential future tuition bills over the next 8 years, and they total 300k (so that’s 300k in after tax income!!!). There would have to be an enormous amount of money for me not to care about this.</p>
<p>To clarify for TatinG, he wants to take the money earned from renovating the house and spend it on himself. Not pay down any existing debt, not pay tuition…And I don’t think the money he might earn on the house will add up to 25k. So, he will probably try to set up more jobs. He does not want a stake in the profit on the house – though indirectly he gets one, really – if I choose to share the inheritance with him. Anyone could do the work – but my parents want him, because he will be easy to deal with, and he’s great at it.</p>
<p>Indeed, the money is only part of the issue. It is that he is not compromising, and is being selfish. </p>
<p>To date, all marital income in our relationship has been completely shared. My parents are completely aware of what he thinks he is going to do with the 10k or so he might earn – they are not too pleased…but they still want him to do the work. They say that we need to work this out, and I agree. There is no overt battle or tension as of yet. It would probably cost us a little more to hire someone else to do the work, my parents would rather see the money stay in the family, and have the peace of mind that he is doing the job. Someone else had asked to clarify another point…my sister and I will probably net 100k each, we would net less if it went on the market as is.</p>
<p>I was interested in investing the 100k wisely to benefit us both, and spending little or none of it on a vacation or material item. Perhaps it would go to another rental property. I am incapable of wasting money, especially with the prospect of being responsible for my sister. I had also looked at the little windfall to help me go into a less stressful, and probably lower paying job.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with him rewarding himself, but I think 25k is disproportionate to our liquid savings – it’s 5 months of one of us being unemployed, for example. It’s almost a year of college tuition. I truly don’t feel wealthy…I feel safe and on our way to a decent retirement. We drive crappy cars, BTW.</p>
<p>I am desperately looking for a new job. And I do realize we are in really good shape and have A LOT to be joyful about. My sister’s disability weighs on me though.</p>
<p>I would also like to make it clear that I sacrificed while he has renovated. He is quite dismissive about that as well.</p>
<p>I can’t say I agree that he should be able to use the pay from any side jobs to benefit himself, as I don’t use the salary that I earn in excess of his to benefit myself (I am currently earning more, but that has not always been the case). I work more hours…so it’s the same. My salary and bonus have been used jointly.</p>
<p>I am truly now inclined to separate the inheritance to an account in my name. I am also beginning to think I need to separate all of our expenses and let him know his share.</p>
<p>When we were discussing this openly tonight (parents were there) I said aloud, but lightheartedly…gee, I thought this was a partnership, but now I know it’s not.</p>
<p>Have you always been compatible when it came to money? If this is the first time you are having an issue, it could just be a mid life crisis. My H has hinted a few times about getting a Harley, and my response has always been, “over my dead body.”(or over his) It’s not the money, it’s more of a safety issue. My younger daughter, age 16, wants to know if she could learn to ride a bike.</p>
<p>Tell your H to buy a Mini instead. He will have a lot more with it.</p>
<p>To call a million dollars, much of which is in their home, a Cush nest egg for an upper middle class family is crazy. They will not maintain their lifestyle in retirement if they don 't continue to build it, and plenty still plan to retire.</p>
<p>The OP also indicated her DH has always been more the spender. My sense is this has been building and this feels like the last straw to the OP who is stuck in a job and paying lots of tuition.</p>
<p>This is a hard one because all hard working people deserve a few toys. The DH is willing to work beyond his day job to get his toy. May e the negotiation needs to be about half going to a fund for the Harley and half going to something of the OPs choice. Sounds like she can use some spa days.</p>
<p>Did you get a Birkin bag Oldfort? Now that’s a toy!</p>
<p>LOL…we have a mini!!! it’s just old and crappy now!</p>
<p>I share the safety concern. First thing out of my mouth when the hints began several weeks ago. I ignored the talk at first, but now it is becoming real since he has decided to take marital assets and make a major purchase without my agreement.</p>
<p>No, we have not been compatible with spending, and it’s been a real chore to keep a lid on him. He grew up deprived…I don’t feel like filling that hole with our joint assets.</p>