<p>Redroses - I sleep with it. It makes me really happy whenever I look at it.</p>
<p>And to give everyone a slightly clearer picture of the finances…about 60% of the total net worth is in 401k, liquid savings, and college savings. 40% is real estate equity. Both of us actually have pensions…if we walked away from work tomorrow, they would pay $2000 a month in the future. The theory is that the properties will pay around $2500 month in the future, and will be owned free and clear in 7 years.</p>
<p>A good picture, but certainly not a locked up future.</p>
<p>Harleys hold their value very well, if cared for well. It’s still not an investment but a toy.</p>
<p>DH and I had a huge fight about five years ago when he got his motorcycle (not a Harley). I get that. In retrospect, it’s interesting to me that I fought about that more than I did about the bicycles. I guess bicycles are healthy and motorcycles are stupid and dangerous… </p>
<p>IMHO, for men, the lust for a motorcycle at age 45-50 is all about the last cry of youth. Note the median age of first Harley purchase in this investors report from Harley: [Harley-Davidson</a>, Inc. - Demographics | Harley-Davidson USA](<a href=“http://investor.harley-davidson.com/demographics.cfm]Harley-Davidson”>http://investor.harley-davidson.com/demographics.cfm)</p>
<p>Perhaps you could take the tack that he’s actually fallen prey to a calculated advertising campaign?</p>
<p>A comment on those pensions. A pension that pays $2000/month ($24000/year) is theoretically worth about half a million dollars, in that it provides an equivalent income (assuming 5%, which is generous) to that amount. Discounting those to zero, as you’ve done, neglects a major income source.</p>
<p>I don’t discount them to zero…I know they have value - but I fear something will happen and they won’t be there - though our companies have been extremely strong. I don’t count on them…as I am afraid social security might not be there either.</p>
<p>Perhaps I am overly conservative, but this style has worked for a lot of people I know.</p>
<p>
Boy, I’m sure glad you are not my in-law. FIL/MIL often give us money, and it all goes into the family pot. The idea that they would give the money to DH with instructions to make sure that whatever he bought with it was ultimately HIS is utterly despicable to me. If he or they took that attitude towards it, I would have hit the bricks years ago. What a crappy attitude. The more I think about it, the crappier it gets. Vile. Really vile.</p>
<p>
Do it and you will have control, otherwise if your H outlives you, you wouldn’t want anyone else besides your kids to benefit from it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t give my kids $100K without a dedicated purpose…probably for my future grandkids’ education.</p>
<p>I think if H were to out live me, I would want him to have someone to keep him company. I am not more selfless than others, but if I am not around, it would be ok with me for my H to be with someone else. There is nothing worse than to be old and lonely, I wouldn’t want that for H.</p>
<p>H.C.P. - You’re upset, er hot … we get it. And it’s not about the $25K toy, because that’s a red herring issue … (it wouldn’t really solve anything if your family GAVE Hubby a new Harley for renovating the house, would it?)</p>
<p>I’m not suggesting anything about how you feel, or should feel, about this matter. But that’s where the answer lies … rather than in some practical and/or analytical assessment of what you should “do.”</p>
<p>Just sign me “Been There.”</p>
<p>It would be OK for me if my H remarried after I died. If he could afford to remarry on his own dime (and mine can), he could do anything his wants. However, I wouldn’t want my inheritance to be part of his future’s wife assets should she outlive him and risk that my children would get nothing. I would give it to my children first and I know my children would always see to that their father would be well cared for. And if their step-mother was good to their father, they would definitely take care of her too.</p>
<p>I think it is about the 25k. I don’t mind him treating himself to something for his efforts. It’s completely over the top and inappropriate based on our current and future circumstances. And I have begun to think there is really something wrong with anyone who would even think they should do that in a marriage, or that they are entitled to make a decision of that weight independently - to behave as if money they make is their own. It is your own…if you are on your own.</p>
<p>I agree with you entirely, hotchili. My husband once said offhandedly that he’d like to get a motorcycle again. (He had one in his youth). </p>
<p>I just looked at him hard and said “Go for it, your life insurance policy is paid up”. </p>
<p>I never heard another word about it. </p>
<p>But really, I think men are more inclined to do this sort of thing than women. What woman would take $25,000 and knowing her husband didn’t like it, go out and spend it on something frivolous that she wanted, say a 3 carat diamond ring.</p>
<p>
The passive-aggressive crap isn’t going to help anything.</p>
<p>Personally, if my spouse came to me and said “I want this thing, it costs X but it would really make me happy”, I would probably be all for it, even in the face of all our responsibilities, because being in a partnership sometimes means you make sacrifices for your partner’s happiness.</p>
<p>Maybe I would try to get them to scale back a little - buy a used motorcycle for $10K, maybe.</p>
<p>But as some others have said, I don’t think this is about the money at all. I think the OP is jealous and resentful of her husband because she feels trapped in her high pressure job, while hubby has an easy job and all the vacation he can handle.</p>
<p>If the OP is that unhappy, she should quit her job and let the chips fall where they may. If it means public school or state college - so be it, it’s not the end of the world.</p>
<p>Might it also be not just about this amount of money, but about his disregarding how you feel by rationalizing why he should buy what he wants. Is it about being angry that he might do what he wants with the money despite your objections?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This statement is almost always a red flag. What you seem to be saying is “He won’t do it my way. He is wrong.” I say this because you have suggested no compromise. You have presented what you want (invest the 100K, possibly in another rental house that could mean more work for him) and he has presented what he wants (a Harley). A compromise would mean meeting in the middle. Maybe he could have what your parents would pay an outside contractor to go into his motorcycle fund, you could buy a rental property and 1/4 of the rental profits from the house could go into the motorcycle fund?
For there to be a compromise each side must feel that they have gotten most of what they want, it does not mean for one side to give up everything.</p>
<p>I don’t get motorcycles. I have a friend that was in a low-speed accident and he sold the bike shortly after the accident (it was only lightly damaged). The accident (a woman driving a minivan with kids in it that didn’t understand the concept of right-of-way) scared him but he bought one a few years later and rides it from time to time.</p>
<p>Another guy at work was in an accident at 40 MPH - a car in the opposite lane made a left-turn right in front of him and he crashed into it. After being out for a while, he’s rolling himself into work in a wheelchair. He has always been in incredible shape so he is recovering rapidly. But it goes to show you that mistake by another driver can take away your life or cause you great injury.</p>
<p>I also worked in a hospital for about four years and just ask the nurses if you want an objective view of motorcycles.</p>
<p>Motorcycles aren’t just a guy thing. I’ve known Harley couples.</p>
<p>“And I have begun to think there is really something wrong with anyone who would even think they should do that in a marriage …”</p>
<p>This appears to be a feeling, and a potentially destructive one considering that this entire $25K situation disappears if the family request to have Hubby renovate the house is withdrawn. Or does it disappear? Has a hypothetical situation created an irreparable rift?</p>
<p>Absolutely, NEmom.</p>
<p>notrich - you are welcome to put thoughts in my head, but jealousy is not an emotion I am feeling. He works extremely hard at his extra job, and I won’t take that away from him. But he doesn’t deserve a 25k Harley for his efforts, when we’ve got more pressing priorities.</p>
<p>And the extra job is something he could not do without my support…financial and keeping family and household running.</p>
<p>I actually suggested a compromise the other day…take the money earned from the renovation job, plus the inheritance, and get another rental property. Use the income from rental property to buy motorcycle. That’s me…giving up what is actually legally mine supposedly - to share with him.</p>
<p>I never observed my parents not sharing an inheritance. All decisions were joint (and mom never worked).</p>
<p>I think that lololu is right. I do believe in compromise. That said, I think at this moment I can understand how you feel. I have a similar situation going on in my home, but I have compromised on so much (DH spends a lot more on entertainment than I am comfortable with). Now there is a big trip involved with others to a place that I don’t want to go to, with people that I have no interest in vacationing with (many of the people I have never met), and although it is not 25,000, it is too expensive for me to have to go along with this plan. DH is resentful, and I expect an angry phone call from one of his buddies about killing their plans.</p>