<p>babyontheway, I wasn’t referring to the OP. I was referring to your posts about only needing $30K to live after housing costs. And I don’t think you have a real good feel for what it costs when you have some kids. It costs a LOT more. </p>
<p>Well, I guess looking back you talked about what you need to live in retirement per year and likened it to your current expenses. But I was thinking of all the years in between and your expenses are gonna be WAY more. </p>
<p>Also, even when the kids get out of college, like our kids are, we are STILL paying for their colleges in loans. It ain’t gonna be over for some time.</p>
<p>And we have daughters and so someday there will be footing their weddings.</p>
<p>And then there will be grandchildren who we likely will do things for just like our kids’ grandparents did things for them. </p>
<p>Really…having kids adds to expenses…just you wait and see.</p>
<p>babyontheway, not sure when I would retire. But it would be safe to say that it would be 5-8 years after D2 is out of college. It could be as long as 10 after d2 is out of college. I am 44.</p>
<p>I can’t see myself doing what I do and making what I currently make long term - it’s high stress, and I believe stress results in a lot of bad things. I think we also have to plan that both of us might have the ‘bumps’ in employment that people experience in their 50s - either voluntary, or involuntary. </p>
<p>I also have no idea how to figure in looking after my sibling, and what that might cost. My parents are not clear on how to help her out either. They currently pay for all meds and any private doctors she sees. It has been pretty costly. For meds, she recently qualified for a state program, which reduced the cost significantly, so hopefully that stays in place. She should go on disability soon, but I think that will only be $500/mo. She works now and then at very low wage jobs. I am also afraid I might not be there…stuff happens, y’know. She truly fears living under the overpass with a grocery cart - I can’t let that happen.</p>
<p>The disabled sister is something you need to start planning for financially.</p>
<p>It’s going to be asking a lot to ask your husband (who likes the finer things in life) to do without some of his wants (which appear to be endless) at the same time paying for your sister’s expenses. </p>
<p>In my opinion, I probably would work with the family to have all of the proceeds from the sale of the house put in a trust fund (that you manage) where the interest the money generates is used to fund your sisters needs in life. That way, your husband doesn’t feel that you are using family money (money that he would otherwise put to good use) to pay for your sister and she doesn’t have the opportunity to waste her half of the inheritence, thereby requiring more support from you. This was mentioned earlier but I think it’s well worth looking into.</p>
<p>Didn’t you post somewhere that you are an older father? Is this your first marriage? Have you waited a while before kids? Have you been saving prior to this?</p>
<p>I roll my eyes at people telling others what should be enough for them. Maybe they enjoy the finer things in life and have agreed to save to have them in retirement. I know many who have an annual travel budget above $30k and more power to them.</p>
<p>Baby, and more power to you and DW if you can live on $30k, but that’s your values and your choice. My ideal retirement would take many times that-my values and desires.</p>
<p>Those are fairly personal questions…I’m 30. You can decide whether that is an older father or not. Yes, it’s my first and only marriage. </p>
<p>Have I been saving? Absolutely. I’ll finish saving for college for my little girl in the next month or two. That is, finished saving for college even before she is born.</p>
<p>Only the OP knows how much she’ll need in retirement. But she should think about it - that’s the first question that a financial planner will ask.</p>
<p>Didn’t mean to pry, botw-- just trying to understand your perspective. Your very first thread was about how much to save for college. Are you saying you don’t plan to save any more after the next few mos, or are you saying you are going to fund your state college educations plan (that lets you pay at current tuition rates). I am just trying to understand.</p>
<p>I like Balletmom’s perspective. I am not sure when that “never worrying about having enough” point will come. Isnt there some old expression that says something like no matter how much you earn you barely have enough to pay the bills?</p>
<p>I keep thinking about retiring at some point, but I find the cashflow helpful, and I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t working. I know, I’ll spend even MORE time on CC. That’ll raise a few hackles :D</p>
<p>Well, you never know how much college will cost, but you seem concientious enough to realize this. I’m sure you’ll keep an eye on that.</p>
<p>Lucky girl to be your daughter. I wish I were starting again. I had so much fun with my kids when they were kids.</p>
<p>HCP: Good luck to you. It sounds like you have more than the average amount of stuff to worry about. None of us really know what will happen in the future, but I do hope you don’t get stuffed in the “worry about it all” role all the time. It’s a tough corner to be in, and I did not enjoy it when I was there. I hope you will do something at least slightly extravagant (your definition not H’s) for yourself, at the very least.</p>
<p>I’ve decided to save up enough to pay 75% of tuition costs at my state university. It’s important that my kid contribute a portion of it to make sure he/she has some skin in the game. </p>
<p>I’ll have enough set aside that, as long as it grows as I expect and tuition doesn’t grow more than I expect, the amount will be worth 75% of the future tuition costs.</p>
<p>I’ll more than likely stop saving for college at the end of the year for kid #1 and start saving for kids #2 and up.</p>
<p>I hope kid #2 won’t be already on the way by then, lol. But it’s great that you are planning ahead so thoughtfully. </p>
<p>Today’s tiny thought from one of CC’s parents (old enough to be YOUR parent): If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. - Woody Allen</p>
<p>A goal of (a heck of a lot) more than 30K per year saved for retirement is not only about the freedom to buy nice things and go nice places, though that is certainly one advantage. I am convinced , in the last few years more than ever, that it’s really about choices. The choice to stay in one’s home indefinitely, the ability to pay for the best insurance, seek out whatever doctors and medical care you wish, the means to provide a safety net for a child or a family member. Having “enough” saved enough for retirement by the time the kids are ready for college may mean that they will be fortunate to choose based on fit. Or that you are able to bring the kids home for an important holiday or to donate to causes one cares about. “Stuff” is the least of it as far as I’m concerned.</p>
<p>We started saving way BC (before kids). Didn’t specifically earmark the $$ then, just put in different investments. Then when the kids came we (they) received savings bonds as gifts, which we’d also buy from time to time (an I bond was a great investment). When they were little, we didn’t have options like 529s or state college prepaid savings plans as are available now. We ultimately funded a 529 for each kid, but didn’t have the length of time for those to mature as we’d have hoped (note: you can adust how the $ is invested in those plans based on whether you want growth or low risk). We didn’t have 4 yrs of private school saved up for older s, but we had enough to pay for school and use current cashflow for the rest without taking out loans. We have committed to paying the equivalent for younger s for education, so if he goes to grad/professional school (his undergrad is less expensive) we will help. We have made it clear the $$ saved for school is earmarked for education-- not for TOYS (he jokingly threatens to buy a corvette).</p>
<p>We consider education a great investment. We consider quality family time a great investment (DH’s 50th bday was a trip to Aruba, and each s brought a friend-- that was DH’s idea). So BOTW, if you save save save now, you can have the flexibility to fund school (btw we ended up putting the kids in private primary/secondary school-- something we also hadn’t initially anticipated or planned for when we were saving for their future needs), vacations, and all those unexpected expenses that go along with having kids. Hopefully the kids will be healthy and successful.</p>
<p>update from first counseling session: well, do not know what to say - first asked me why I was there : she needs a big picture and then we could ‘zoom in’ on things. Mostly it was pouring it all out and before I knew the hour was up. I have to say I liked the counselor, very sympathetic and sadly seems to know more people like me. At the end of the hour, she gave me some tools to work with regarding communication which I haven’t tried yet because DH is so busy anyway. next session is in a week. best thing, session made me feel optimistic that I can deal with this, at least not feeling that hopelessness as much. Thanks to all of you here on CC. I will keep posting updates. OP, please post…</p>
<p>HCP I hope things are working out for you. Perhaps the “cleanest” solution is to
pay your DH for the repairs he makes to the house, then use the proceeds of the sale to fund a trust you control, with the income providing for your sister during her lifetime. Remainder of the trust (if any) goes to your kids. Your DH gets paid for his work, your sister has security, your kids benefit in the future. You still have to work out what your DH does with his pay, but it’s likely to be a smaller sum than originally thought. It would be nice if you, personally, were able to purchase a small splurge ish type item, perhaps you can work that out with your parents input (ie small fee for managing the trust, to balance things up a bit).</p>
<p>Phone, glad to hear the update…remember it took time to get this point, so it will take some time to change things. But you have taken an important first step. Good Luck!</p>
<p>Way to go, phone30. It has helped me immensely just to have someone to talk to who is not my mother or girlfriend - I don’t want to burden others. I hope you can develop a great relationship with this counselor.</p>
<p>poetgrl, yes, we really have had more than the average to be concerned about…but I tell myself daily how extraordinarily fortunate we are in many ways. I can’t even get into the challenges that I’ve had - quite a few having nothing to do with DH. I think I am Scheherazade of the counseling office. </p>
<p>Mom2m…I walked through what you suggested regarding taking the inheritance in my mind, combining it in a trust, before you even suggested it. I think it is sensible and does the very best thing that can be done with the funds. I think we are onto something!</p>
<p>DH belittled me this morning…wasn’t happy with the toilet cleaning that occurred on my vacation day yesterday…btw, I also worked 2 hours for my normal job even on my vacation day, cleaned the stinky basement (we have an incontinent cat being put down next week). I really laid into him. (i.e. isn’t it wonderful that I spend half a vacation day cleaning so he can belittle the job I did)</p>
<p>One point he made during the argument was that by having to stay near my sister, we are limiting our employment options. He would have better opportunities at his home office - and he is correct. Things had looked good in our area until the past 2 years, but the company is changing its sales strategy, so things are sketchy.</p>
<p>We have been fortunate to have been gainfully employed in the area we both grew up - we are near both sets of youngish parents and multiple siblings. Both of our families go back a few generations here. But, we may end up taking an economic hit if we don’t move to where better opportunities are. Otherwise, we need to be prepared to adjust lifestyle quickly.</p>
<p>If my H belittled the job I did cleaning a toilet, he would find his head stuffed down it.</p>
<p>That is something my ex would have said (and probably did). A big reason he’s my ex.</p>
<p>But I wish you the best in working though your situation and figuring out what’s best for yourself. I will say I’m much happier without the verbal denigration and lack of respect I experienced in my first marriage. But I only put seven years into that one (about six years too long).</p>