<p>I wonder what would happen if they just lived on one salary?
I am not going back to reread- but is the spouse against her quitting her job and going back to school or taking something that isn’t as prestigious/stressful?</p>
<p>If I remember correctly, the OP hinted that he wouldn’t even let her cut back on her hours when the kids were little, so it sounds like he wants 2 good incomes coming in at all times.</p>
<p>Even if the parents and the spouse want to do the project- I would flat out tell the parents that right now- for the sake of their marriage- it wouldn’t be advisable.</p>
<p>I agree…because it’s a double/triple whammy. The H spends more time away from home and home demands and then spends the earning on something for himself which will also take him away from home/family.</p>
<p>*Perhaps I’m missing something. Chilipepper’s husband is contemplating moving away from families to further his career. If so, Chilipepper will probably stay behind to sell the family home. Then she has to look for a job that pays a well as her current one. Meanwhile, hubby has to have an apt. in his new city, *</p>
<p>oooh…does this mean that the OP gets to come to his apt with her white gloves on? I hope she brings a camera. At a minimum, every time she sees an inadequate cleaning job she needs to repeat whatever nasty thing he said to her about the toilet.</p>
<p>I think resorting to meanness is probably not the solution, either… The husband’s critique of how she cleaned the toilet was inexcusable and I’d have blown a gasket, too. If my husband had cleaned the toilet and I’d criticized how he did it, he’d have had every right to blow a gasket with me, also. (In fact, I think the one time that I <em>did</em> have a problem with how my husband cleaned the toilet, I profusely thanked him for helping me out, and then a half-hour later, he caught me re-scrubbing it, and we both had a good laugh about my anal-retentive attention to cleaning detail.)</p>
<p>Throwing things back in someone else’s face only really serves to escalate things. For humor purposes, it’s a pretty funny thought… It’d be a hysterical scene in a movie about an epic men-vs.-women domestic comedy struggle… but I’d feel terrible if I actually did something like that.</p>
<p>(Edit: My husband just came in and asked me why I was smirking. I quickly recounted the Harley-and-potty highlights of the thread, and read him my response. He said, “I don’t remember that story, but it probably happened. You do tell me that I fold towels wrong, though.” I stated that this is less opinion than it is fact-- he <em>does</em> fold towels wrong, and that’s why I fold all our towels. We had a good laugh about that, too.)</p>
<p>aibarr…you do bring up, however, the appropriate reaction…when you did not think your husband’s toilet cleaning met your standards, you still thanked him for doing it, but then finished up the job the way you preferred it to be done.</p>
<p>I figured it was just kidding-and-venting, I just wanted that part out there. :)</p>
<p>And definitely, both of us have things that we do “wrong”:</p>
<p>He cleans the toilet “wrong” so I’m in charge of cleaning the toilet.
I pack the car “wrong” so he’s in charge of packing the car.
He folds the towels “wrong” so I’m in charge of folding the towels.
I load the dishwasher “wrong” so he’s in charge of loading the dishwasher.</p>
<p>Somewhere down the line, everything ends up getting done “right”… We’re stupendously lucky that the stars aligned and we’re equally picky about different subsets of things.</p>
Too funny, aibarr. Anal-retentive toilet cleaning? That solves the problem-- just hold it in!! LOL. And btw-- do you fold the towels in thirds? Thats how I do (and refold when someone does it “wrong”). Its not OCD when we agree, eh ;)</p>
<p>I almost forgot, 'til CD’s links, that I bought my DH a Harley. Its a little miniature thing I bought from the Harley Store in Vegas. Told him any time he had a fantasy of buying a motorcycle he could look on his desk and be reminded that he already had one. Its still on his desk. Humor helps to cut tension. Maybe the OP can order one for her DH.</p>
<p>Are you ladies like this in real life, too? You get together with some friends, one of you airs a grievance about your husband, and the rest of you just have a good old time mocking him?</p>
<p>Did any of you stop to think that, whatever issues the OP is having with her husband, she may not appreciate him being made fun of in public?</p>
<p>notrichenough…I’m not the OP but my assumption (she can correct me!!) is that she chose to seek opinions on this issue in her marriage and has found some support here. Many feel she hasn’t been treated that fairly in these situations. I don’t think people are mocking the husband but just making some humor out of what is really incredulous to some (the toilet incident, for example). The hope is that the OP will realize she is not alone in thinking that was over the top. </p>
<p>As far as discussing him “in public,” you have got to be kidding. For one thing, this is an anonymous forum. Then, the OP did not use her regular member name about this sensitive dilemma with her husband (the Harley issue) to even further keep her identity unknown (not that it was known before). Also, she came here to get opinions (see title of thread). She sought opinions and she is getting them. I have read a LOT of helpful advice and insights here and frankly, it has helped me. And the Harley bathroom items are just making a point but in a funny way, nothing more. The main thing is that the OP gets some support and understanding and validation and some advice of how to approach this situation with her spouse.</p>
<p>I ABSOLUTELY fold my towels in thirds; it’s the only way to do it! No edges showing, please.</p>
<p>And NRE, while the things being said here are somewhat biting, I’ve had to stop a few of my male coworkers from discussing how one of their wives had gained a lot of weight since they’d gotten married, and that he was really annoyed that she’d “let herself go”. I told them that you absolutely, positively do not talk about a woman’s weight, not if she’s around, and CERTAINLY not behind her back to your buddies. Depressingly, this sort of thing is not gender-specific. I think the world could do with a lot more kindness in general.</p>
I don’t see it that way. And it has nothing to do with whose side I am on (although for the record, I think the OP’s husband was way out of line on the toilet cleaning issue).</p>
<p>
Yes, which makes it anonymous. But it is very public. And I don’t doubt that some posters here have a very good idea of the OP’s primary identity; you can’t change your writing style, and she may have leaked enough info in posts from her other identity for people to figure it out.</p>
<p>All I can say is, if I had posted about some problem between my wife and me, looking for advice, and half the posts were insulting, disparaging, mocking, making fun of, and generally heaping abuse on my spouse, I would not feel good about it, regardless of whether everyone was on my side or not.</p>
<p>But that’s just me. For all I know, the OP is eating it up.</p>
<p>How do you fold in thirds? Doesn’t it get too big? I fold it once in the long way and then in fourths. It comes out nice and square. Speaking of OCD, Ithink I beat everyone on that.</p>
<p>Gotta say… there are elements of this thread that remind me of when the wheels came off the wagon at the end of my marriage. After 23 years of wrestling over the same type of stuff OP is with her H, I noticed that my H became extremely intractable on some items that would have been negotiable in previous years. He also became openly hostile on stuff like the OP’s toilet cleaning situation. In retrospect, it was a sign that he had thrown in the towel on our marriage… I just didn’t know it (hadn’t caught him with the other woman yet). OP, my advice is don’t trade that inheritance in to try to resolve this issue (you mentioned this several posts ago). You won’t fix the issues by doing that, and you will just kick yourself later if what happened to me happens to you…</p>
<p>No! Apparently, everyone does NOT fold their towels in thirds!! My husband folds them in some silly way that somehow makes them folded, but shows ALL the darned edge seams. Drives me nanners.</p>
<p>(To be fair, I’m bad at putting groceries on the conveyor belt when we’re checking out at the store. He’ll be there, gracefully sorting the groceries by appropriate bagging categories. I’ll try to sort, but I’m not good at it, and I end up putting a wad of soup cans right by the eggs and bread, or something. Drives him nanners.)</p>
<p>For the record: Correct towel folding involves, with bath sheets, folding in half lengthwise, folding in thirds widthwise, then folding it again in half so it hangs neatly over the towel bar.</p>
I fold regular size bath towels in half the long way (always fold the long way first, that way they are easy to hang on the towel rod), large towels get folded into thirds. That way they are all about the same width for stacking in the closet.</p>
<p>I have to confess, I don’t really care if the edges are showing. :)</p>
<p>I wonder how my D will fare with a husband. She leaves her towels on the floor often. And if hung up, they aren’t folded whatsoever over the towel bar. :)</p>
We had a good laugh about that, too.)</p>