<p>
Mine are quite complicated, I typically wind up with 25-30 forms. It can take me 30+ hours, and that’s with using a tax program. Not fun.</p>
<p>You people have husbands who put away thier clean clothes? And hang towels? And don’t criticize?
Where do I sign up?</p>
<p>My DH is more OCD than I am about cleaning, he used to criticize when we were first married. He is now accustomed to my pile-file methods and we met in the middle on cleaning standards, though i think dust just drives him crazy more than it does me…and, I swear, our house is dust 12 hours after it’s been dusted.</p>
<p>DH was raised by a retired Colonel (marine) and held to extremely high standards, it stresses him if things are too messy or dirty. But he learned not to complain!</p>
<p>Folding laundry used to be one of my dreaded-ist chores. but during the past few years, when I delegated everyone’s laundry chores to themselves, it got much easier. I can stand the sight of other people’s laundry sitting in laundry baskets, unfolded, without a qualm. (I gave up ironing many years ago except for unusually wrinkled/need it for something special occasions. H got good at doing his own shirts until he decided he didn’t really need them ironed.)</p>
<p>Thats great- my H barely cooks- but he also isn’t picky- I can thank his mother for that- she is an awful cook ( although not as bad as my sister’s MIL, who ran out of corn flakes for a casserole topping so she used raisin bran instead and left in the raisins )</p>
<p>LOL…my MIL is the worst cook ever. Actually, she’s never really cooked a meal. H grew up with SPAM, Campbells soup cans, and other processed foods for their “meals.” The good thing is that H thinks I’m like a gourmet chef…LOL…when I’m really just an average cook. </p>
<p>And…I love the Raisin Bran on the cereal substitution for a casserole topping. I can’t say my MIL ever did that…but that’s because it would have required her to have ever made a casserole…which she’s never done. ;)</p>
<p>I rarely make things that count as casseroles- my kids liked fake macaroni and cheese better than my scratch version and the tuna casserole of my moms with the chow mein noodles on top that I used to like is so full of salt I couldnt force myself to make it.</p>
<p>I wonder if my sisters MIL used this cookbook?
[No Man Knows My Pastries: The Secret (Not Sacred) Recipes of Sister Enid Christensen](<a href=“Signature Books”>Signature Books)</p>
<p>Have we heard how the more recent counseling sessions have gone?</p>
<p>Any update from either of our two families?</p>
<p>I’d like to know too-
My own H & I are slowly mending past conflicts- for years it was pretty tough and stressed- and I still have anger about that, that I am trying to let go of, but for the most part it is wonderful to still be together even though it is a lot of work understanding someone elses perspective. ( which good counseling can speed up a great deal)</p>
<p>This new study is somewhat relevant to the topic discussed here - communication style as a predictor of divorce:</p>
<p>[Predicting</a> divorce: Study shows how fight styles affect marriage](<a href=“Predicting divorce: Study shows how fight styles affect marriage | ScienceDaily”>Predicting divorce: Study shows how fight styles affect marriage | ScienceDaily)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I hope our OP is doing OK.</p>
<p>OP is doing well, but has been extremely busy. </p>
<p>Sorry I’ve been lax in responding, and that this latest message is so long. I just read through several pages of posts and had a good laugh. The toilet brush with the Harley emblem is a fabulous idea…I think there is a birthday on the horizon.</p>
<p>I have to admit that he is HIGHLY qualified to quality check my toilet scrubbing. However, his comments were still not welcome. My feeling is that I do enough, period, and any spouse should be appreciative when the other does something for the household. And in light of my demanding job, additional hours I have to put in for my profession outside my job, and financial contribution to the household, he needs to lighten up – I made that very clear in a recent conversation. </p>
<p>Division of labor in households is a tough point for many marriages. He is constantly on me about how much I do. I do plenty – I cook most nights, and then clean it up, do all the grocery shopping, almost all laundry (which he says doesn’t count at all – I say, well, how about I stop?), do taxes, bills, all school/camp related things, all social obligation stuff, pet care, making sure everyone gets where they need to go, and I do my share of cleaning. He’s incredibly good at yard work and puts in his share of heavy cleaning when things are bad. His schedule makes him the go-to person for doctor appointments for kids. But, he involves himself in his favorite household project of the week, and primarily believes that’s his contribution. He behaves like a child if the house has gotten a bit messy (and I mean a bit), and marches us around in an abusive fashion to clean, purge, and straighten. I also seem to be held responsible for all kid messes. (what’s this on the dining room table? Why is so and so’s room a pig sty?) My response is, ask so and so. Hmmm, don’t you think so and so should operate a vacuum?</p>
<p>Regarding no trust set up for my sister…it was not clear that she was truly permanently disabled until recently. I also think my parents’ hopefulness impeded long term planning, as well as her hopefulness. The pattern and severity of the illness had not been established until the past 2 years. Everyone is involved in the long term plan now. We are so thankful she is participating and cooperative.</p>
<p>Someone had asked about relocating for his job. We are so torn about what to do. An opportunity did arise, but we both agreed there were promotional opportunities he could take advantage of here. In the past 2 years, those have dried up, and the direction of his division is less certain. And, now in the past 2 years, we’ve purchased the rental properties, further tying us to this area. However, I don’t think those will stop us from relocating if we need to because they should be somewhat turnkey. </p>
<p>I think we both feel a pull to stay here, especially while D2 is in high school. D2 would not relocate well at this point in her life. (not to bore you with more sordid details about our lives, but she has multiple auto immune related medical problems that are not helped at all by stress). I also feel a pull to be able to stay to monitor my sister closely.</p>
<p>We finally talked a few days ago about the motorcycle, calmly and rationally. I told him I was against it in principle, that it was unsafe, that it would be a drag on our finances given obligations, etc. He said there would never be a good time to buy one; I said there would be better times. We discussed the additional disability insurance that he must obtain, a healthcare directive, so he will look into that. We agreed that if there was going to be a motorcycle that it would be in the 15k to 18k range. So, we are moving forward in the spirit of consensus.</p>
<p>I am sure it will be a year or two before he gets the funds together – he’s already been distracted by another rental property…an extremely low ball offer that was accepted (to my shock) – not sure how he will manage doing both projects – but we don’t call him Superman for nothing. He has so much physical energy…I’m all mental energy and planning energy.</p>
<p>I made it clear that I objected to spending any windfall funds on a motorcycle, but that I also understand his need to live in the here and now, and not wait.</p>
<p>I also want to say that all of you are the best…I have truly loved reading all the posts.</p>
<p>and oh by the way…I just joined a gym and bought myself a boatload of cute clothes and shoes.</p>
<p>I also hope phone30 is doing well.</p>
<p>hotchilipepper…your update sounds pretty positive to me in the scheme of things. At least you talked about it and there was some consensus or compromise. It still sounds lopsided to me as to who controls a lot of these decisions but it seems like you have made some headway overall!! Glad you treated yourself to something too.</p>
<p>
In my experience rental properties are not turnkey. Unless you are within easy driving distance (< 1 hour or so) you will need to plan for and budget for local management. Plus, many small things you can ordinarily do yourself would have to be hired out, and that needs to be budgeted for as well.</p>
<p>And given that both of you work full time plus, I recommend that you hire a cleaning service. We did, and it was the best money we have spent. They do a much better job than we did, it eliminated 80% of the conflict in our marriage, and we don’t have to scrub toilets any more.</p>
<p>I’ll be blasted here for reading my experience into this, but HCP, in my experience you don’t join a gym and buy new clothes for a husband you’re unhappy with. You do these things because you’re ready to move on…</p>
<p>hotchilepepper - Good to hear from you and glad that you and H talked. I’ve been following this thread but have not posted before. I do think the cleaning service suggestion is a good one.</p>
<p>No, redroses, definitely not. Don’t read into it. I’ve been neglecting myself too much.</p>
<p>It is actually to help market myself for a new job that I might get an interview for. And sadly, I’ve gone up a size since last fall! My shoes are not professional looking either.</p>
<p>and getting a cleaning service did come up in the toilet talk with Mr. HCP. I told him to hire them to make sure they met his standards.</p>
<p>Sometimes it is better to ask than to engage in projection, redroses.</p>
<p>Good luck HCP!</p>