Anonymous reporting is a very specific feature, and will almost always foster an internal culture of competition. We noted it at both Lawrenceville and Exeter in our original search. (It may be at other schools as well? These are the two we came across.) These schools were ruled out by us based both on size and the energy they gave. Some students will thrive in such a setting. Others wont. Some simply want something different for themselves and their relationships. But I cannot imagine reading that in a Student Handbook and not perceiving a red flag if such a culture does not appeal.
I highlight this because I think that reading the Student Handbook and asking explicit (and occasionally unpleasant) questions about the school culture should be part of the process before committing to attend.
This baffles me. Sending your child to live on campus is so different from being a day student. The risks, responsibilities and rewards are all amplified in a boarding setting. While I don’t worry about it, that is only because I made sure I knew what my child was signing up for in advance. If a prospective family is reading the ‘Is Boarding School Worth It’ analysis, they need to ask if a specific school is a fit (as opposed to just being worth it) for a specific student.
Our search process was really deep culturally and academically, and oddly specific regarding discipline. We asked each school if kids ever sneak out at night, and what they got up to when they did. Because we suspected the honest answer was: sooner or later…a few always do (because teenagers), we really appreciated the AOs who were honest. It was a litmus test for trust in a way. No school dinged our kid because we parents asked too many questions. If you are afraid to be the PITA parent during applications, then become that parent on March 10. But ask about everything you really want to know. One school, a top choice for our kid initially, put us in touch with a current parent to get a parent perspective. The glowing report did not disappoint. Then I asked a few granular questions about the food. And we realized the school probably was not a fit. The kid has to live there. I asked a recently graduated student (a family friend) from one school about the culture of sex and consent. She gave me a straight up answer that made sense. How can a parent hand over a 14 or 15 year old for months, then years, at a time if they can’t ask anything they might want to know in advance?
It never occurred to me to look at a school’s college matriculation and think the list was relevant to my specific child. That is not part of my valuation of the experience. Which is not to say I don’t value university. I very much do. But I just don’t feel that transactional about the process. We are more interested in the journey than the destination at this stage. I hope I don’t feel differently in a year or two, but I certainly won’t feign surprise if I do.
I do appreciate this post/thread. 'Are the sacrifices worth the gains? is not only a fair question, but an excellent one. I’m pushing back because I would suggest that parents consider what their family values before evaluating the experience through someone else’s lens of one specific school. We had terrific academics and facilities at our day school. Dozens of the schools discussed here have the same and better. It was the boarding and culture component that our kid wanted most of all. Worth it? I suspect so.