<p><a href=“Why I Hope to Die at 75 - The Atlantic”>Why I Hope to Die at 75 - The Atlantic;
<p>I hope for the Doc T plan, but will take matters into my own hands if necessary. My family understands they may need to assist me in these wishes. No long term catastrophic planning for me. ; )</p>
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<p>If you have the resources to provide all the services you might need, whatever the state of your health, and someone to manage your care if you cannot do it yourself, then maybe. But even then, you might not want to. If you’ve become wobbly on your feet, do you really want to stay in that house with the steep steps to the door? Or would you rather be in an apartment complex designed for seniors, with no steps or curbs to worry about. Which option would give you a better quality of life?</p>
<p>I would hate to present my daughter with the burden of either taking care of me so I can stay at home or abandoning me. She saw what it took for me to support my dad and stepmother to stay in their home, and they likely had a lot more money than I will have at that age to pay for live-in aides. But aside from the money, it was a lot of work and it took a lot out of me. But I couldn’t leave them alone to fend for themselves.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, we don’t usually get to choose the time and circumstances of our demise. And as old people get older, they lose the ability to think things through and make it easier on their family caretakers, however well-intentioned they may be. My dad told me to stay home, he would drive to Costco and his favorite supermarket multiple times every week. He didn’t understand the risk he was taking to himself and to the drivers and pedestrians along the way. So I drove the hour each way to his house twice a week and took him shopping. Likewise I took over the doctor’s appointments and the bills as he became unable to handle them.</p>
<p>Often there are no easy or obvious choices.</p>
<p>I’m already wobbly in my feet for years, I’m not at nursing home. I plan to do yoga for 2 hours each day to stabilize it.</p>
<p>Living in Florida now and on the edge of a large city-Tampa. Know some who are much older with close to downtown places. Active in academic opportunities for seniors. There are many entire retirement developments/cities here. I don’t want to live among only the old people. I like being in a neighborhood with retirees down to an expected newborn in age. This area does have many activities for seniors, it took getting used to when we first moved. Many independent transplants changes the area’s atmosphere for us at a time we can appreciate it.</p>
<p>We all plan on being healthy as the years go by, but life happens. I have noticed my father’s memory is deteriorating in recent months- when his house gets cleared out after his death I swear more than a dozen copies of our phone numbers will be found as he keeps asking for them. At least he is unlikely to be scammed. His son and grandchildren in town do more transporting than in the past when he always drove everywhere. Basically he drives to the nearby stores and church.</p>
<p>Anyone else think the pursuit of longevity may be misplaced? What happens when the population is overloaded with noncontributing members, especially those who require expensive interventions? Are our old lives worth more than the youngest members of society who have to forgo life altering experiences because the money goes to us? I doubt any of us truly “earned” the perks when they are at the expense of the next generations.</p>
<p>Ah, but what about amazing contributions that ARE made by some of our oldest members of society up until they die vs. some of the shiftless youth? How does one decide whether to spend millions on premature babies who may survive with lifelong serious impairments vs. how much care to give to folks as they age? Who decides? How? I can see how the decisions will be considered political and controversial, but they ARE being made all the time.</p>
<p>I never want to put my DD through what I am going through with my mother – who never had to deal with her aging parents or in-laws because my folks lived far away and had siblings to take care of all that. Aging in place is not realistic because I have 44 steps to my front door, and this will be a problem once I am finally able to get foot surgery after my mother passes away. I also doubt that my knees will last until the end of my life, assuming I live more than ten more years.</p>
<p>I WILL get hearing aids when I need them. I’m sure not hearing well has hastened my mother’s dementia; same with being sedentary.</p>
<p>What I can and can’t do, including living in a CCC depends on when my (nearly) 90 year old mother dies and how much she leaves me. I worked hard to move her into a lovely senior community where she probably would have lasted into her 100s, but she moved herself back into her house after a few months. She is not depleting her estate, but meanwhile everything is moving into chaos due to her iron grip and refusal to give up the control she actually doesn’t have because her executive functioning has deteriorated so badly. And really, she’s not happy but that is her choice.</p>
<p>I plan to be happy when I’m older/aged. I know it sounds cold, but in five years when I’m 66, I no longer plan to put my life on hold for my mother; my brother will have to deal with any emergencies. DH and I haven’t taken a two week vacation since 1989, and there’s only so long I can wait. </p>
<p>I read that robots are now serving food in some places. I’m hoping I will get a butler and a helper who can be controlled by my iPhone or iwatch. It’s not impossible.</p>
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<p>That’s what I see as well. There are plenty of 70-year-olds in my bike club, and they’re hale and hearty. But after about 75, the decline starts to get more marked. </p>
<p>Having just gone through this with my mother, my view has altered dramatically.
<p>That’s why it’s important to have LTC to take care of #2.</p>
<p>My plan is to stay healthy and die suddenly, at about 105. </p>
<p>“I read that robots are now serving food in some places. I’m hoping I will get a butler and a helper who can be controlled by my iPhone or iwatch. It’s not impossible”</p>
<p>I wonder if I can use my iphone or iwatch to control my dogs. Or family. Maybe someday.</p>
<p>I recommend the book, A Bittersweet Season: Caring for our Aging Parents by Jane Gross. It gives you a lot to think about. One of the main points of the book is most people don’t want to think about aging and the future. When I tried asking my parents specific questions about their future plans, I got very vague answers. They are in their 80s and my father is failing quickly. I recently bought him a walker, after my mother commented on how unsteady he’s becoming, but he refuses to use it. So my crystal ball tells me he’ll soon fall, break something, and will be forced to live elsewhere. </p>
<p>Nursing homes are a problem for me. I’ve visited people in several over the years and have yet to see one I actually liked. Yes, they advertise tons of activities, but have you ever gone to those activities? I find that they’re often cancelled, have low attendance, are poorly run, or have no interaction among the residents. How about those buttons that residents push for assistance? I can’t believe how long the delays are for assistance, if anyone even responds at all. Most facilities are seriously understaffed. </p>
<p>Ideally, my plan is to purchase a large ranch-style home, with several bedrooms. I need rooms for parents and a caregiver. There was someone on this board who mentioned having two caregivers in her home. They split their time taking care of her mother. I thought that sounded ideal.</p>
<p><a href=“How much do YOU think YOU need to retire? ...and at what age will you (and spouse) retire? (Part 1) - Parent Cafe - College Confidential Forums”>How much do YOU think YOU need to retire? ...and at what age will you (and spouse) retire? (Part 1) - Parent Cafe - College Confidential Forums; is one thread that discusses that. I think there is another dealing with transportation in the older years as well.</p>
<p>The people I know in earlier generations in nursing homes who have gotten the most money, value out of them, have found good assisted care communities that can transition gradually into nursing home type care You get in while you still have control and can just take advantage of the faciiities and resources there and if you need more care, you transition into it. YOu learn the particulars over time so you don’t have to take an instant lesson in it at crisis time.</p>
<p>When my parents moved into the senior community, my father already needed nursing home care–he moved into the nursing facility, and my mother moved into a small house nearby. It was easy for her to see him. I don’t think my mother will like moving to the “big house,” but it will probably be necessary when she is no longer able to drive. I think knowing that the tiers are available is comforting. My mother-in-law lives in a similar complex (although with no houses), and although it’s wrenching when somebody has to move from independent living to assisted living or nursing care, it’s still better than moving out to an entirely different place.</p>
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<p>Like Joe Rollino?
<a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/nyregion/12ironman.html”>http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/nyregion/12ironman.html</a></p>
<p>As I wrote (OP) in my opening post, I pray I keep my eyesight, because as long as I live and whatever the state of my health, as long as I can read, and have people can help me to have excellent access to books (not the crummy books on the nursing home’s shelf), I will be fine, wherever I am. Reading is my life. So sadly, and because it is private among friends and therefore I can’t reveal much, I have a friend totally on her own in Australia who is losing her sight. </p>
<p>I’m sure you can get some books on videotape, my friend didn’t bother to read a book I recommended, she listened to the tape on the way to work.</p>
<p>“Blindness separates people from things. Deafness separates people from people.” -Helen Keller</p>