A school where the Ivies, plus a few other select schools, are considered THE ONLY PLACE WORTH applying to is just as provincial as the school where only the community college plus the local branch of the state U are thought to be worth applying.
This thread happens to be about the difficulty of wanting something different from the norm.
I don’t understand the hostility of some of the responses.
Out here in the heartland, most kids aspire to State U, State State or University of Other State. But kids who want to go further afield are supported, maybe thought of as a little quirky, but certainly not condemned. There’s room here for everybody, even those who want to go away.
You’re making HUGE generalizations here. My daughter goes to a typical public school in the midwest. (Actually one with rather more problems and challenges than most.) Her guidance counselor went to Northwestern, as did her favorite history teacher. She’s had teachers who went to University of Chicago, Columbia, and Vanderbilt. And her fair share of those who went to state universities, as well. The same was true of my son’s parochial school (although, admittedly I think there were more Notre Dame and Holy Cross alums there).
Most kids do go to the local community college or state universities. But those who want to look beyond that for other choices are completely supported by the school and the community.
Could faculty and staff do a better job of encouraging kids to look beyond the obvious choices when it comes to college? Yes. But in both schools they have been nothing but encouraging and helpful, whether it was for my son’s football camps and combines or my daughter’s interest in science and public-health summer programs, research opportunities, and college apps that went beyond the state borders. I’ve shared info about summer programs and scholarship competitions with them…and yes, they’ve gone on to share that information with students in my daughter’s class. I was fine with that.
I think the attitude some people get from their local community has more to do with their choice of words than their child’s choice of schools. Escaping “mediocrity”? “Rise above”? “Washed up”? At 20, really? If you want people to quit being so critical about your family’s choices, maybe you should quit being so openly critical of theirs.
@sunseeker I hope, at some point, that there is a discussion occurring that when she goes away and finds people like here, that she will find people… exactly like her. Quite a few of them. And that some will literally run circles around her when it comes to innate intelligence and talent. I am not asserting that your family in particular has not addressed this, just that I have seen it play out again and again with TAG kids. Particularly if they come from districts or schools where they are a rarity or treated with a certain level of awe.
I think if the drive (to take challenging classes, to get high scores) comes from the child themselves, they will be successful anywhere.
Our small rural high school has been very supportive of my daughter’s accomplishments and professional goals.
She will be going to a public school in our state (her choice), because it is relatively close to home, has a great program in her major and will be affordable because of a great merit scholarship.
@katliamom: IMHO, the “hostility” you see isn’t as much toward “wanting something different from the norm” as it is toward the massive attitude of intellectual condescension on display. I can relate to the OP’s kid, here. Heck, in high school, I was that kid – growing up in a tiny farm town that sent more kids on to the military than to four-year schools and chafing to go explore the rest of the world. But I never looked down on the future dairy farmers, factory workers, and Army Rangers I went to school with. For one thing, my parents (both well educated) never would have allowed it, and for another, most of those kids were interesting in their own ways. Some of them can make things with their hands or deliver a newborn calf in the middle of the night or have seen wartime issues I’m grateful never to have experienced.
I’m a long way from home today, and I don’t go back much, but I wear my smalltown roots with pride, and I’m glad I learned to relate to all sorts of different folks as equals from a young age. I guess I wish the OP’s kid would realize that’s a powerful inheritance of smalltown living and try to take it with her as she goes off into the world.
^^^ Agree. It is just as divisive to assume that everyone else is hostile to your kid and those kids going to local state U are mediocre at best. I know you didn’t mean it that way OP, but your post came off as bragging and condescending toward others.
I understand where your daughter is coming from. There is a strong current of anti-intellectualism out there and often in our own families. One of my uncles accused me of showing off because i had a very stuffed bookcase in my house. Living in an area where your daughter’s drive and ability is not valued can be tough. Yet, she also benefits from being unusual in the pile of applications and can use that to her advantage.
I hope her college experience is as wonderful as she expects it to be.
I think that when a student or parents want something different for the student, there will always be an interesting combination of responses. There will be some who are impressed, some who are envious, and some who just don’t care. But you will also see some who are defensive - parents who realize perhaps they should have looked at options for their bright students, and now are defensive regarding the choices they made. As long as you are doing what’s best for your family, you just can’t worry about it. We’re on kid #3, and our skin is much thicker now! When our son turned down opportunities to play football in college, wow did we catch flack! And I’m sure if he had decided to play football, we would have caught flack for that as well. Can’t please everyone. Doesn’t matter what you do, someone will have an opinion and be more than happy to voice it!
At our big public HS, we never ask where a student is going to college because so many don’t. So we just ask “what is Johnny going to do next year”, because often the answer is working or joining the military or “He doesn’t know yet”.
We live in a world where “inequality” is decried every evening on the national news, and every day in the newspapers. Add that to people’s natural insecurities and your explanation awaits.
I will say there is irony in the Cornell likely letter juxtaposed with the screen name. 
Some small towns can be the most supportive places in the world. Sometimes church communities, teachers, scout leaders become de facto cheer leaders. It can feel like a John Couger Mellancamp song or a Jimmy Stuart movie.
But sometimes people in small towns can be harsh on those who don’t follow the accepted path to success. Sure, it is definitely unfair to lump everyone in town into that category, as many replies rightfully pointed out. But the OP said that some at the school weren’t opposed to the daughter’s dreams–even still they didn’t know how to help her.
The key word I took away from the OP was “lonely.” And I think it must have been.
Well, your children’s small town teachers/advisors must have been supportive. They wrote the recommendations that helped your kiddos get their acceptances. 
If it was me living in an area like that, I’d want my newfound wisdom about opportunities and different options to be put to good use, and I’d definitely share the knowledge.
OP: I am happy for you, things seem to be working out. Your d sounds a lot like mine: smart, highly motivated, indeed the best thing is to stay out of their way while helping with what we can.
We spent 2 years in a state of great stress during the applications process, so I empathize. We too found it isolating and frightening. My d got into her dream school (Cambridge in the UK) as well and it is simply a phenomenal environment. Of course we were ecstatic, but we’ve learned to be discreet about it.
I am sorry that some people can be so critical here, it is like those parents are competing in a zero sum game and feel kind of embittered. I understand, I think, about wanting to escape the mediocrity - and your d did the hard work to do so. Feel proud. She earned it and is about to take wing.
To aspire and succeed without resorting to condescension is a great thing. Isn’t always accomplised on this site.
I’m also puzzled why one would live someplace filled with folks who are “washed up at 20”, are dull, uninformed and well, just don’t measure up. That can’t possibly be accurate anyway, but if one feels that it is, get the heck out and be with more of your kind. Some people prefer an echo chamber.
Frankly, our experience with a self-contained gifted program was the most unpleasant time in our D’s education what with all the hubris flying around. It did serve one important purpose, though-it helped her decide that she wanted to be in schools full of students with a range of abilities and interests and that she wants to get her teaching degree and go back and teach such kids. Her former classmates can do their thing while looking down their noses at people like her right along with their parents.
That sounds a bit condescending, as does my response here …
"Mediocrity is the mediocre education she is currently getting at her high school, the lack of “push,” the lack of ambition she runs across on a daily basis. "
-All HSs in the USA are way below any reasonable level of minimum education that kids deserve to receive. Be prepared to great upward adjustement in academic effort at college, state public or private, does not matter. There is a gap between academic level at HS and college, no matter which one. My D. commneted that she was shocked by that fact but made an effort to adjust. Those who did not realize that, got derailed from their initial goal right after the first semester of freshman year. My D. did not attend any Elite college at all, she graduated from in-state public. She was actually choosing between the public and Case Western. Both offerred her great Merit award. At the end, public happened to have have more what she was looking forward to have at college. Looking back, she thought it was a perfect match for her. From our prospective, her experiences there went way beyond our expectations. But Case Western has always been in her heart since High School. And she choose it for her Med. School, which also has been a great choice.
At the end, the name of place cannot substantially influence one’s future. It is up to a student, not the institution to make sure that the goal is achieved. More so, for certain goals. the college name means absolutely nothing. Some of these fields are pre-med, engineering, CS, all 3 that I am very familiar with.
Forget “mediocrity” label or whatever, just work hard and do not forget to have fun at college, broden your horizon, take the risks, pursue many personal interests, grow personally, have 4 years to remember for the rest of your life!
The OP could have taken a more generous attitude toward her town and her D’s school, but, in her defense, I have experienced first hand the defensiveness of both acquaintances and friends in the face of D’s pursuit of academic and athletic excellence. D is extremely driven and has always set a high bar for herself, but rather than support, she often received admonishments (either directly or through us) to set the bar lower or to work less hard, because, after all, her chances of being accepted by an ivy or qualifying for the Olympics were so very slim. She achieved both, but the point was not so much the result as the process and the pleasure of always doing her best, whatever that was. Others found that elitist and prideful, and it made them feel “less than”. I can’t tell you how much we appreciated those who were supportive of D. These were the acquaintances and friends who were confident enough in their own parenting and accepting enough of their own children to enjoy or take an interest in D’s journey.
Funnily enough, when D began to compete internationally, she found herself in a very different environment. All of her training mates were doing their best and striving for excellence every single day. Any one of them who took a day off due to illness or for any other reason were in danger of being judged for lack of character or for “not having what it takes”. It was a tough environment to be in, but exhilarating for her.
On another note, OP has been taken to task for condescension and generalization about her D’s school and her town, but I see a lot of that on CC, be it about fraternities, conservatives, Catholics, or any number of things we talk about on this site. It makes me want to be more thoughtful and more kind when I discuss groups of people. It has been a good lesson for me to learn.
Maybe these kids are so successfull because they follow their own drive, not an external one. They don’t have the pressure of some uber-competitive school. They can join activities that they like and are passionate about.
Thanks for all the messages of support and PM’s! I think most of you who replied got that I was trying for some support online I don’t have at home, so thanks! I’m not sure why this deteriorated into bickering, but I guess that’s the internet… I know I’m not condescending or ungenerous or stuck up or not appreciative of the good local colleges do for tons of kids. I am very appreciative of what our high school has done for us that they could, which I said in my first post. So I’m not going to take the negative stuff personally since I know my intentions were sincere (although I shouldn’t have used the dreaded “mediocrity” word I now realize). I am going to sign off for now and will post again on April 1 and let you all know the results of the Big Day! Good luck to all of you other families also waiting for decisions!