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Did this happen in rural Illinois, by any chance?</p>
<p>^^^I almost spit out my wine.</p>
<p>We received an invitation from a friend’s new wife for his birthday at a restaurant. The wife was younger than us. I bought a nice present for him even though we didn’t have the tradition of giving each other gifts. When the bill came, her friends said we should split the bill, but exclude the birthday boy and his wife. I didn’t realize we were taking them out to dinner!!! My friend was a bit embarrassed, and we have not been out with them since.</p>
<p>Actually the fiance grew up in an upper middle-class suburb in MI. When I ate a meal at his family’s home, it was not unusual for folks to hop out of their chair during a meal to look up or verify something or other. I have never been in a home where such behavior occurs, much less is a FREQUENT occurrence. All the “kids” did well academically–MD, pharmacist, MD, and other professional.</p>
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<p>That wouldn’t have surprised or upset me.</p>
<p>Would you invite someone to dinner so they could pay for your dinner? When I do the invite, whether it is at my house or out, I pay.</p>
<p>cartera,It would have upset me if the birthday invitation had been given by the wife and there had been no discussion in advance that the supposed host had no intention of paying. This should have been clear in advance that it was essentially a let’s celebrate my husband’s birthday thing and everybody pays their own way (plus ours!).</p>
<p>We recently invited friends out to dinner for my 60th birthday. We insisted on paying for everyone, though I know our friends would happily have split the bill and paid ours. We asked them to join us, so we wanted to host.</p>
<p>Was it the wife’s idea, or the other guests? That makes all the difference!
(though it might be hard to tell if this is a custom among her friends, and the husband wasn’t aware). I would get back in touch with him, and let him know you understand he was uncomfortable, but it wasn’t his fault. If this is something he was just learning about his new wife, he may need your friendship to survive.</p>
<p>I am still friends with the husband. We were good friends from work and we go out for lunch and drinks, but just not the couple thing.</p>
<p>Well then,oldfort,maybe give the wife another chance? You said she was his new wife at the time and was younger. Maybe she has learned some things since your dinner.</p>
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<p>It seemed to me it was the wife’s friends’ idea. There was nothing in oldfort’s telling of it to suggest the wife schemed to get a free meal. I’m just saying that if I were out to dinner with a group and and it was the birthday of someone in the group, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone at the table suggested that the birthday person not pay for the meal. Was there really enough money at stake to justify shunning someone? If I would have been comfortable agreeing to it beforehand, I wouldn’t freak out about after it happened.</p>
<p>I’m with cartera.</p>
<p>zoosermom wrote:</p>
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<p>Okay, I realize that this thread is about outrageous guests, but I must say I have never heard of a bride coming around with a bag to collect envelopes (presumably of cash). Is there a special bag? Is every guest supposed to contribute? Do all brides in your area do this?</p>
<p>In HI, at least one ethnic custom is to have the bride & groom dance & people to put rolled up currency in the mouth of the bride or groom. They pass it to their new spouse & then put it somewhere so they can pass the next piece of currency. I went to one wedding where it was done & found it rather unsanitary. Fortunately, it is not a popular custom among those I know.</p>
<p>One custom in another culture is for the newlyweds to serve tea and candied fruit to close family relatives. They give the newlyweds envelopes of money and/or jewelry. This is often held between the wedding and the reception, if it held at all.</p>
<p>Never heard of the custom of the bride collecting envelopes. Many of the weddings I have attended, there is a relative of the newlyweds staffing the reception table and collecting gifts, many of which are cards with money or gifts that the guests chose.</p>
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The wife did the inviting. It was at one of those very nice restaurants in NYC. When the bill came, the wife wanted to split evenly and she was going to pay for her husband’s share. Her friends then said they shouldn’t have to pay. The stupid part of it was they couldn’t figure out how much each person owed and they wanted the waiter to do it for them. My friend was visibly uncomfortable, as most of his friends, and he offered to pay, but his wife said no. H gave his credit card to pay for the whole thing and told them to figure it out later, just so we could leave.</p>
<p>We take our friends out to dinner for birthday sometimes, but it is organized by us, not by the spouse or the birthday person. It is bizarre to me to invite me out to dinner for an event and then expecting me to pay - oh, please come to my kid’s sweet 16, wedding, anniversary party…and here is your share of bill.</p>
<p>We had a similar thing happen to us as oldfort. We received a written, mailed invitation from the wife of our neighbors inviting us to a party she was having for her hubby at a local outback. At the time we were new married, newly pregnant and not much money. I was a bit surprised to get a bill at the end. I never would have spent the evening with people I hardly knew if I had to pay for it given our financial circumstances at the time.</p>
<p>I’ve never had that happen since then.</p>
<p>Weddings among the Italians where I grew up always have a moneybag. It was generally a large sack made of the same material as the dress. It was used during the “dollar dance” when people would step up to dance with the bride and drop the envelope in the purse, often with great flourish. The money was in place of a wedding gift (though the bride probably get a shower gift as well).</p>
<p>Zoosermom, I’m surprised you never heard of the bag for envelopes. It was a very NY thing. We actually did it (reluctantly) at my NJ wedding 26 years ago. It wasn’t a big bag, just more of a white satin drawstring purse that I (the bride) had with me as we went from table to table to greet all the guests. That was when the guests gave us their cards, most of which had checks inside. It gave me a place to keep them unobtrusively rather than carrying a pile of cards in my hand. Gifts in boxes were for showers, no one brought boxed presents to the wedding. Wedding gifts were money. If people gave an actual gift, they brought it to the house ahead of time (or mailed it). That was a big difference from my cousins’ weddings in SC where everyone brought a gift, and at the time giving money was kind of tacky. I would do it differently now, but when you’re 23 you do what your MIL tells you is the expected custom.</p>
<p>Sent from my ADR6350 using CC</p>
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<p>what am I missing here? You state that the wife expected the bill to be split, but her friends insisted otherwise.</p>