<p>lia_b, did you ever speak to those people again?!</p>
<p>dke, ours was no kids under 13 at the reception so we arranged for the limo to take all the young children back to the hotel after the ceremony and we hired sitters(though some came with their own nanny’s.) One cannot expect out of town guests to leave their young children at home so, imo, if one isn’t allowing kids then arrangements need to made by the host. </p>
<p>I didn’t want them there because 1) it was a very elegant affair and a very late night and imo young children do not belong at a party like that and 2) i think it’s nice for the parents not to have young children hanging all over them all night long so they can enjoy themselves.</p>
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<p>The part about “forcing some to convert to judaism” is totally out of left field. Hard to call something an urban legend when you’ve never heard it before. Maybe I need to get out more often? :)</p>
<p>Anyway, yes, under orthodox and conservative Jewish law the biological children of a Jewish mother are considered Jews even if the father isn’t Jewish and regardless of the family’s level of religious observance. Under reform interpretation, biological children of a non-Jewish mother and a Jewish father are considered Jewish if the children are being raised as Jews.</p>
<p>The idea of forcing conversion is something that Judaism is incredibly uncomfortable with, for overly numerous historical reasons. 
Any potential converts to Judaism are dissuaded several times before being accepted for study for conversion.</p>
<p>lia, oh my! What is wrong with some people!?!</p>
<p>There’s a scene in the Sex and the City movie where the Charlotte character(who is dating a Jewish man) is turned away initially by a rabbi.</p>
<p>Regarding the “no kids” events: every event hosted by my H’s uncle’s family was always “no kids”…wedding receptions, 50th anniversary party, etc. The comical thing is that the family loved magic and they hired a magician for every one of these events … wedding receptions, 50th anniversary party, etc. And no, not “adult” humor…just normal magic tricks that would have been performed at a childrens’ birthday party, but kids were never allowed. (I always think the magician must have been surprised.)</p>
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Maybe you kind of had to be there, with a 20-year history of dealing with the dictates of the clan :). Aside from a couple of their own cousins, with whom DS and GF were both able to hang out, swim, etc., the other guests were adults with zero interest in “spending time” with 14-yos. It wasn’t like DS and GF retreated to some unsociable corner. That also wasn’t SIL’s issue.</p>
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<p>Oh, the forcing might have been too strong a term, since it intimates going against someone will. Perhaps, I should have used “pressured” or “gently prodded.” I was relying of a story of a friend of my parents who married her jewish boyfriend. The husband’s family was not too thrilled but relented after she started the process of converting. </p>
<p>I was curious if the stories about this made sense. Asking here beats asking my friends (the three boys born from this extremely union) about the finer details! That is what CC is for … to allow one to embarass himself by asking silly questions from behind the curtains!</p>
<p>There were actually very tense words between DH and I about our kids not going to an ‘all adult’ family wedding. They were late elem & middle school at the time, so not a behavior issue. His cousins very large, black tie wedding, with a large extended family coming from all over the country. His thought was there is so rarely a time when the family is together he wanted the kids to be there. It didn’t help that his sister had already made it clear that her kids were going, no question. I was strongly against it. It was not our wedding and the B&G had made their wishes known. I was not about to call (or have DH call) and ask for an exception because we wanted to use their wedding as a reunion!! In the end our kids did not go. Several family members did bring their kids, thinking it just didn’t apply to them…like my SIL. Also, my MIL was very irritated that we didn’t go against the bride’s wishes and bring our kids so she could show off her grandchildren. So we do the right thing and then have people mad?!?</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of an adults only wedding. Could someone explain why people would want those? Not judging, I’m genuinely curious.</p>
<p>Missypie, We were pretty young at that time before kids and up until then this couple had been fun to be with and we were trying to be hospitable but this was above and beyond. It took years to distance ourselves, because he was DH’s best friend.We started noticing things such as they would invite us to their house in the city for dinner but they would order out and we would split the tab. If we went out for drinks, DH would pick up the tab and they never counter offered. If we went out for dinner, they would include a take home dinner for their son and we would split the tab. They were not broke. They lived in a very nice place and were in a better financial position then we were at the time. They were just cheap. We stopped doing these type of things with them. Then one day we realized they dropped out of our lives.</p>
<p>romani,Adults only weddings are not uncommon. I had to miss a college roommate’s wedding because she had an adults only wedding and I had just had a baby about 2 weeks before her wedding and was breastfeeding. When my sister in law was married, she did not invite kids either. She did want my older son there-her only nephew (who was about 3 at the time) but my infant had to stay with a babysitter she found in her neighborhood(we had to travel to her city for the wedding).</p>
<p>There are all sorts of reasons for an adults only wedding. One is that many people have to limit the # of invitees. If you invite 10 kids that’s 10 adults you can’t invite. A second is cost. Most venues charge the same for kids and adults. If it’s going to cost you $1500 for 10 kids, is it really worth it? </p>
<p>But the biggest reason is behavior. The B&G really don’t want to start disciplining other people’s children on their wedding day. And an appalling # of parents just have a great time and let their kids run amuck at a wedding.</p>
<p>Gotcha. Thanks. I’ve never heard of them but there’s plenty of time to be invited to one! Haha</p>
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<p>xiggi, sure, I can see that. A couple is considering marriage, one person feels strongly about their religion, the other doesn’t/is more adaptable/is intrigued in the other religion, so there’s a conversion. </p>
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<p>Pay no attention to the poster behind the curtain… :D</p>
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<p>Seems like a bargain price! Oh, wait, you’re talking just about the catering costs, not raising them. Nevermind… 
:)</p>
<p>xig,
I’ll confuse you even further. The synagogue my inlaws belong to is a reconstructionist synagogue. But as slithy explained, in some branches of judaism as long as the kids are being raised jewish then they are welcome with open arms. My synagogue happened to have been started by interfaith couples, so it is particularly welcoming to any and all.</p>
<p>lia_b- I think those must be some relatives of mine/my husbands. Sounds just like something they’d do :(</p>
<p>My rambunctious nephews ran wild at my cousin’s (the groom) fancy expensive elegant wedding. My brother and his wife were just enjoying themselves and are very laissez faire with their kids (these kids spend more time in the Principal’s office than the classroom). The bride was horrified. The cake cutting pictures were delayed (boys in the foreground and not responding to instructions to move). The two couples no longer speak even though brother had been best man. I like the idea of inviting the kids to the ancillary wedding stuff (e.g. pre-ceremony familly gatherings or post wedding multi generational brunch), but hiring a sitter in the area for the actual ceremony/reception. I prefer NOT to have my kids at a reception when I am a guest even now (two teens). I don’t want to worry if they are bored or whatever. Also, I’d like to have a drink and some adult conversation!</p>
<p>My grandparent’s disliked young children, just in general. So, all of their dinner invitations would be for adults only and we would be expected to get a babysitter to go there. We were young and not as prosperous as we are now and we could only afford the occaisonal night out without the kids. </p>
<p>Finally, H said he wasn’t going to spend money on a babysitter to spend time with old people anymore and so we began to turn down their invitations. The “family” (what exactly does that word family mean? I suppose it does not include the grandchildren?) got together and staged a meeting to talk to us about how disrespectful we were being. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, we were unable to attend due to the fact that it was adults only and we “couldn’t find a babysitter.”</p>
<p>We had a couple and their kids invite themselves to our vacation house and treat us as innkeepers. It was the strangest weekend of my life. Very surreal. They tried it again the next summer but I contracted selective deafness.</p>
<p>Re the person who wanted to attend the party but not the bar mitzvah because they’re not religious. That’s so obnoxious on so many levels. You’re not asking them to be religious in any way, you’re asking them to witness a very important milestone in your son’s life and also share in the celebration. What they are saying is the milestone is of no consequence to us, but hey, we’ll come to your party. This is aside from the rudeness about the dog which stands on it’s own as obnoxious. They are multi-offenders.</p>
<p>I wasn’t invited to my first cousins wedding because no kids were allowed. Granted, I was sixteen and not exactly a “kid”. My older brother was also not invited and he was 17 almost 18. My father went and there were kids at the wedding. And by kids I mean little kids. I’m not close with this cousin, but she will not be invited to my wedding if I ever get married.</p>