<p>
</p>
<p>Haha, thanks for SlitheyTove’s and your clarification. It is indeed confusing, but perhaps not really relevant to anyone except to interfaith couples. However, I will have to stop short of admitting to be confused, as this might offend the members of the CC/PC police since I might be guilty of using the word outside its well-established context! ;)</p>
<p>Exactly correct and beautifully put, blueiguana. I was so offended on so many levels, I didn’t know what to say. She didnt understand why I could possibly be upset. She was offended that we wouldn’t make arrangements for their “child” (the dog). Um. NO.</p>
<p>Want another one? Relative of DH’s was married to someone who was in a wheelchair. It so happens that the weekend of our bar mitzvah their favorite baseball team happened to be playing our local team. So, they wanted to either blow off our Friday night dinner or our Sunday brunch to attend a game, wanted me to find out where the handicapped seating was and wanted me to buy the tickets. Oh, yeah, they said they’d pay us back even if it rained and they didnt attend the game, but then they wanted to be able to attend the meals (that had a head count pre-planned and paid for-- at least the Fri night catered one. Sun was at our house.) I gave ther the stadium website and told her shoe could buy her own tix. I dont recall if she did. I dont care. The gaul.</p>
<p>I call it the weekend of attempted murder.</p>
<p>My kids were both away at camps. My cousin and her husband were renting a house across the bay for the week and asked if we’d like to come over for a day or two. Since they were towing their boat they offered to come pick us up at a local dock. (major mistake as we then had no getaway)</p>
<p>It started out lovely. However, very quickly it was very obvious cousins hubby had some MAJOR anger issues. We were out on the boat tubing and skiing and it was a hot July day. He stops the boat and YELLS at my cousin for buying him a navy bathing suit instead of white because now he was hot. She calmly says, I doubt it’s the color of the suit making you so hot. Oh yeah - then you can lick my ba!!$ dry if it’s not a big deal (in front of us and his 2 young children). Then after we get off the boat cousin and I had gone grocery shopping and we were all exhausted from the day in the sun and we offered to make dinner. He was FURIOUS we weren’t going out to eat. We cooked anyway and he refused to come in and eat. But he did yell at her that she was a f’ing seaword. </p>
<p>So I’m chatting with the son, who was about 3, and cute but hard to understand. He was trying to tell me something and I said - I’m sorry did you say such and such was stupid? And my cousin gasps - Eyemamom! We don’t use the S word in this house. And I just replied - but it’s okay to using the fc words?</p>
<p>The piece de resistance was when we did go out by boat for dinner. Before we left I asked - is it safe to go out on a bay you aren’t familiar with in the dark? It will be dark when we come back. Yes, of course it is, I have lights, a navigaton system, I’ve driven it a couple of times… okay - after dinner, which the kids melted down over because they’re exhausted and we head back. In the dark. And the lights on the boat are broken. And the weather starts turning and the waves start getting huge. So I go and get a life jacket and cil says - what?! you don’t trust me? I just ignored him. Now, living on this bay for as long as I have I know the watermen have out oyster nets and crab pots that you cannot see in the dark. He drives full throttle, using his navigation device, holding a flashlight. If it was swimmable I would have jumped. Instead we hung onto his kids for dear life so they didn’t get thrown overboard. I walked up to him bouncing up and down and say - you f’ing ahole - if you kill us with this foolish trip I will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life. He just looked at me like I was the crazy one. The next day we asked to be taken back home. As we got on the dock I yelled out - I call dibs on this story for Thanksgiving!! (and I don’t think we’ve spent a holiday together since then)</p>
<p>jym-
For some reason when you are planning an event, be it a wedding, bar mitzvah, etc., some people automatically think you are a concierge service and begin making requests accordingly. Every time I hear stories about things like this I have to wonder how obnoxious their parents are. The apple usually doesn’t fall far.</p>
<p>I only have one of these stories. My D got married in the resort area where we have a vacation home. So all of the guests were out-of-towners. Because of this we hired a transportation service to take guests to the church and then to the reception. Getting guests to the reception was easy because all were leaving from the church. Getting people to the church was a bit of a logistical problem since people were staying at various locations. The transportation company suggested that we have several pickup points and let guests know where those were and when the car service would arrive. </p>
<p>Just as D and her bridesmaids and H and I were about to leave our house for the church, my brother called to tell me that he and his wife missed the car service and wanted to know what he should do. The guests all received information with the number of the car service. I suggested calling the number–he said that he’d called and the number was busy. At this point, everyone was getting into cars to leave. I told him to call a taxi and gave him the name of a local taxi service. He and his wife ended up getting to the wedding after the service had started.</p>
<p>No outrageous guest requests, but wanted to comment. There is a tendency here for the 13 year old guests to go to the bar/bat mitzvah party but not the synagogue. I told my kids they could not do that. The rite of passage was the significant event, not the party. We are Christian, but I thought it was important to share in the actual bar mitzvah. My kids reluctantly went and were always glad they did. I have had several mothers thank me for having my kids attend both events and we have had many interesting discussions about faith as a result.</p>
<p>You are right about the concierce expectation, blueiguana. But one of the worst offenders is my bro in law, so I cant blame his mother. His behavior now, finally even shocks my DH.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>poetgrl, LOL!</p>
<p>OK, I need to contribute some content so that I’m not just freeloading on this thread.</p>
<p>Some close relatives who lived near us sold their house. They had two young elementary-school children (youngest in first grade at the time), so they decided not to move to their new home a couple hundred miles away until six weeks later, after winter break started. One of the parents called me and asked if they could stay with us for that entire six weeks. I’m proud to say that I immediately said no.</p>
<p>The kicker? It was a work-related move, and the employer was willing to pay for the family to stay in one of those long-term rental residential suites for the entire six weeks. Why on Earth the family thought it’d be a BETTER idea to cram in with us is a mystery for the ages. Why they thought we’d be able to manage for six weeks without killing each other is another mystery. They’re a cable-tv-always-on clan; we’ve got one tv hardly ever on (and it’s kept off for the Jewish sabbath from Friday night till Saturday night). Their diet is more convenience food to accomodate two very picky palates; ours is more cooked from scratch and veggie-based and not to the taste of the picky ones. D1 needed peace and quiet during homework hours, while the first grader was especially loud and rambuctious. We have a small guest bedroom which could’ve accomodated the parents, but accomodating the kids would’ve meant losing use of our home office. We’re more slobby; the stay-at-home wife is a neatnik. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. For a week, sure. Six weeks? The jury would’ve said “justifiable homicide”. :)</p>
<p>My maid-of-honor asked me if she could bring a date to our wedding. I asked who it was so I could address an invitation. She said “I don’t know, but I want to bring a date”. I’m thinking…you’re sitting at the head table, don’t you think it would be awkward for the unnamed guy to attend to a wedding where he doesn’t know anyone and won’t be sitting with you. I somehow politely declined or distracted her from the request. Turned out she started dating one of the groomsmen for a few months immediately following the wedding.</p>
<p>eyemamom, I would have killed someone. I can’t believe he was speeding through the night with a gps and a flashlight with his own kids on the boat. I think you tagged him right as you left the boat. A friend (another one) took us on his boat once after dinner and did not realize he did not have enough gas. Of course, we ran out and we floated along in the darkness until someone saw us from shore and got gas for us. I wanted to kill him for being so irresponsible. </p>
<p>As we get older we have become less social and people wonder why.</p>
<p>Jym, you take the cake and if you have relatives like some of my friends, I don’t know what I would do. I have some relative issues as well but those are harder to lose.</p>
<p>SlitheyTove, if I’m not mistaken you’ve told this story before. It’s a gem 
I’m sure I’m forgetting but did it involve the moving couple getting a per diem that they wanted to pocket. I apologize if I’ve got this wrong or mixed it up with another bad guest.</p>
<p>“There is a tendency here for the 13 year old guests to go to the bar/bat mitzvah party but not the synagogue. I told my kids they could not do that. The rite of passage was the significant event, not the party. We are Christian, but I thought it was important to share in the actual bar mitzvah. My kids reluctantly went and were always glad they did. I have had several mothers thank me for having my kids attend both events and we have had many interesting discussions about faith as a result.”</p>
<p>In fairness, often there are several bar/bat mitzvahs the same weekend and kids have to pick and choose between them. Often they’ll go to one kid’s service and another kids party. I was very happy when the circuit was over.</p>
<p>deb, I’m glad to know that someone else on CC has a better memory than me! Sorry for the repeat. No, they’ve been our only bad guests. Everyone else who stays with us is good as gold.</p>
<p>Can we discuss rsvp’s on this thread?</p>
<p>We hosted the reception for hubby’s sisters wedding. They were several states away and when their location wasn’t going to be finished construction we agreed to do it.</p>
<p>They had lots of friends in nyc. I did everything you can imagine, even making raspberry champagne heart shaped ice cubes for the punch.</p>
<p>I gave sil two jobs… talk to the dj, talk to the photographer.</p>
<p>Meanwhile I organized all the rsvp’s and gave the caterer the number. We even hosted the rehearsal dinner at an irish restaurant (the groom is irish). </p>
<p>The morning of the wedding when I’m running around like a crazy person, cleaning the house, caterers and all showing up,mil is sitting at my kitchen table making a glittered sign for the front yard. The bride is upstairs getting ready after I took her to her hair appt and she goes through my living/dining room and informs me - on the way to the limo to the church - that I’m missing roughly 20 people from seats. These people travelled states away to a wedding, didn’t rsvp, but managed hotel reservations. </p>
<p>I was 20 seats short, 20 dinners/appetizers/drink estimates short. I stood in the driveway and cried as she sped off to the wedding. Hubby grabbed my shoulders - said he’d just go to the grocery store and get platters of cold cuts if we had to - I had a lovely dinner planned. I had to tell our families they couldn’t eat until we saw if we had enough food.</p>
<p>And to top it off - sil never contacted the photographer or dj and ended up not getting key pictures and scrambling at the reception to look through our cd’s because she didn’t like the music.</p>
<p>The worst guest I’ve ever had was a Korean exchange student who smoked in our ouse after being told directly that he could not. Actually, he smoked at at open bedroom window–in Maine, in February–and threw the butts out on the porch roof. Lucky that he didn’t set the house on fire.</p>
<p>But really, I don’t recall anyone who was that bad. </p>
<p>A friend of mine had a FIL who planned to come and visit her the week she came home from the hospital after giving birth to her second child. He DEMANDED to stay in the master bedroom, rather than the guest room. Why, I’m not sure. Maybe because it had an attached bath. THis was also a man who never lifted a finger and demanded to be waited on hand and foot at the best of times. In any case, she had the gumption to tell him that he shouldn’t come if that were the case. Her SIL called up and tore her up one side and down another for being " mean to an old man."</p>
<p>SlitheyTove, no no it wasn’t my intention. I only remember because it was such a great story and worth re telling. I think it put a new spin on imposition.</p>
<p>Wow, eyamom, 20 people did not RSVP but showed up anyway? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Usually it is the other way round. And did she KNOW these people were coming?</p>
<p>RE: rude guests. Years ago we hosted Thanksgiving dinner prior to DH’s sister’s wedding, which was 2 days later. All the relatives came in from out of state & we had ~15 for dinner in our tiny starter home. When my SIL the bride-to-be showed up, she informed me that she had invited 4 extra guests to dinner and they would be arriving in 15 minutes. No advance warning or asking if it would be OK. Fortunately we had plenty of food and were able to set 4 extra places at the table without any problem. After dinner was over & we were cleaning up, my future BIL came up to me in the kitchen, I thought he was going to thank us for accommodating extra guests on short notice but he grunted at me, “Well, the turkey was dry. It stuck in my throat.” I was speechless. (Btw, I was the matron of honor in this wedding.)</p>
<p>But I guess karma worked in our favor: one of the out-of-state relatives brought a virulent case of stomach flu to Thanksgiving dinner with them. Wedding guests were dropping like flies. By the time the wedding was over, the rude bride (SIL) and groom (BIL) were stricken & had to delay their honeymoon a few days.</p>
<p>Gosh, eyamom. You and your H went above and beyond.</p>
<p>LOL 12rmh! You know what they say about karma.</p>
<p>Great thread. I’ ve been wracking my brain to think of a good story, but not much comes to mind. I have a BIL who likes to be accommodated and a MIL who liked to accommodate her son. My SIL and I got together and finally revolted. Together, we stopped holding dinner and waiting for him to show up. We started without him. He could eat leftovers. And wonder of wonders, my MIL did finally agree that he was rude to show up so late. </p>
<p>Two of my kids just got married this past year and the RSVP situation was a pain. Why, oh why, do people have a hard time spending 2 minutes to reply. Really, is it that difficult?! It is just plain old RUDE to not RSVP. Of course, it is even ruder to not RSVP to a formal event and then show up anyway!</p>