<p>boysx3,
I don’t doubt what you wrote, but I find it hard to believe. I mean, how can anyone be that deliberately rude to family??!!! I just can’t wrap my head around it.</p>
<p>Have you ever been able to have a discussion about this with her or her husband? Maybe she is just tired of being the ‘it’ house for Thanksgiving and she longer wants to host but she can not just come out and say it, so she gets all passive aggressive about it instead? Just trying to understand this.</p>
<p>Some of these posts are making me question my faith in humanity. :(</p>
<p>boysx3: Let me introduce you sil to my in laws. Tp be perfectly honest they will have to get over the Jewish part of you sil…but after that: they would bond.</p>
<p>Family can be weird. Boysx3, I’m so sorry!</p>
<p>boysx3, That seems terrible to drive 400 miles and also have your kids come in from Boston and DC and then be treated in this way at Thanksgiving. Have you considered changing your Thanksgiving plans, possibly staying in your own home? The whole scenario you describe sounds miserable.</p>
<p>Yes, H and I have discussed it…but it’s about the only time the whole family gets together is Thanksgiving. And the cousins love to get together. SIL loves to do Thanksgiving because it is not a religious holiday… I always do Pesach because I love to do it…some years they come, some years they don’t.</p>
<p>Yes, my SIL and BIL are Jewish…just very hostile to anyone who is to any degree observant. They cringe when they go out in public with my oldest son, who wears a yarmulke.</p>
<p>It will be interesting at Thanksgiving this year…I plan on doing exactly the same thing. My children really appreciated it, and loved sharing my cooking with their cousins…proving that kosher can be yummy too.</p>
<p>by the way, Blueiguana…your family sounds delightful. No one is ever offended by a nice gesture! It is wonderful the way the roomie received the chocolate and advent calendar, and especially nice that you and your family have gone out of your way to make him feel so welcome and included.</p>
<p>My youngest always loved staying at his best friend’s house on Xmas Eve…they always hung a stocking for him. And when his friend was at our house, he always received Chanukah gelt, and loved to come to Shabbat dinner and our Seders.</p>
<p>boysx3: Years ago, one of my BILs became a born-again Christian AND a vegetarian…the latter largely under the influence of a GF whom no one liked. The family had been raised Christian Science, something that all the sibs rejected. My other BIL was ridiculously resentful of their vegetarianism. You would think that the desire to eat a veggie burger at a family BBQ instead of a beef burger were some kind of personal insult. I really did not get it. I figure that this kind of misplaced hostility is a stand-in for some other festering emotion.</p>
<p>Re: people with “allergies”: I know lots of people with legitimate allergies and it makes me really frustrated when people throw the term around. Especially since it results in scary scenarios when people don’t take legitimate allergies seriously and it results in hospital stays, or worse. </p>
<p>My grandmother is allergic to mushrooms and shellfish, which thankfully aren’t too hard to accommodate for, but they can sneak into unexpected places. I really feel for people who have significant allergies and sensitivities. My best friend from college recently developed lactose intolerance, and she loves ice cream so it makes her very sad. :(</p>
<p>On the other hand, my fiance used to help out an elderly woman who had this delusional concept that she had allergies to everything and all sorts of things made her “terribly ill.” Whenever she bought a new household product, she had to put it through a process called “outgassing” where she would move it from storage unit to storage unit, which she filled with shelving units. When she got the items there, she would unwrap them from the boxes and wrap them in plastic bags (not the recycled ones) which supposedly leached the toxic fumes out of the new products. She would also put numerous boxes of the fridge and freezer baking sodas in each of these shelves, to also aid in the outgassing process. At any point, she would have several duplicates of any electronic in storage, so that she would have pre-outgassed products ready in case anything broke. Her son was a doctor and tried repeatedly to break her of these beliefs, but she would have none of it. Supposedly, if water touched paper bags or cardboard they would start spewing toxic fumes that she could see, that would make her terribly, terribly sick.</p>
<p>But the point of me sharing this woman’s story is to share the most outrageous allergy claim she ever made. Apparently, my fiance took her to get her car’s oil changed, and she asked that they turn the fan off. Why? Because she was “allergic to drafts.”</p>
<p>We had an exchange student at our home about two years ago for three weeks and he said before he arrived that he had a peanut allergy. A mom I knew had a son with a peanut allergy and she gave me a list of things I should do, safe restaurants, and the type of chocolate chips I should buy. I was vigilant because there would be no allergic reaction on my watch. It was a major inconvenience, but one I was willing to do because I was well aware of the dangers.</p>
<p>About week two, we went to a party where the host had bought Chick-FIL-a nuggets, which are fried in peanut oil. Before I caught him, the young man ate some nuggets. No reaction. </p>
<p>A couple days later, I made chocolate chip cookies with Hershey chips because they are made in a peanut free faciility. He came walking into the room eating a cookie and asked whether there were peanuts in the cookies because they tasted like peanuts. Another day, he complained that we had not gone out for ice cream. I explained the huge risk of cross contamination to him with ice cream because we have peanuts everywhere.</p>
<p>I swear he just did not like the taste.</p>
<p>You know, sometimes there is shellfish in the darndest things. I was wondering why my palms itched in a hive-like reaction when I ate curry at a restaurant we like & decided to read the labels on the cans of curry they had for sale. Only ONE of the various types of curry they carried on their shelf did NOT have shrimp in the curry powder! After that, I have been much more careful about ordering curries at restaurants, since I AM allergic to shrimp. I never knew!</p>
<p>When folks have low lung function, are asthmatic and prone to hives, food allergies do have to be carefully observed or it could provoke a serious medical crisis. I do possess epi-pens but have been fortunate to have them expire on me every year since my allergist urged me to start carrying them in 2002. It’s important to have an epi-pen for every 10-15 minutes you are from the hospital or other place for urgent care, as their expected relief is only good for that duration. It’s also important not to expose them to light or heat, or allow them to get cloudy or expire (only last about a year after dispensing).</p>
<p>Am glad epi-pens ARE covered by my insurer.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Consolation, you do realize, don’t you, that Christian Scientists have absolutely no dietary restrictions? I’m not sure what that religion had to do with the food talk.</p>
<p>Bromfield,milk causes congestion.</p>
<p>“Dairy products contain casein, a mucus-forming agent. It is the dominant protein in milk and other dairy items. Foods such as milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream and butter all contain casein. It has a glue-like texture and histamine-creating properties, both of which cause increased mucus production and nasal congestion.”</p>
<p>PizzaGirl,
Why oh why didn’t your family alert you that you ordered a dish with shellfish? That seems it would have been the kind thing to do. We always try to cue our loved ones if they are about to order or partake of something we KNOW they are allergic to because it’s scary for us to see bad allergic reactions.</p>
<p>We have some interesting allergies among us. I’m allergic to sulfites, shellfish, wearing maile leis, allergy shots, and a few other things. D is allergic to quite a few lotions (including many hypoallergenic), PABA (in sunscreen), and is perhaps starting a shellfish allergy. S is allergic to flu shots, allergy shots, any type of green beans, and some shellfish (recently developed). H is allergic to sulfites and now some shellfish (recently developed). I have other relatives & an in-law also allergic to shellfish, one nephew allergic to some nuts, SIL allergic to artificial mint (but can eat fresh), brother violently ill from any form of oregeno (even small quantities in sauce). Fortunately, most of this can be worked around and most of our family gatherings work out great. People try to make it obvious when dishes contain shellfish (if in doubt we do ask). Fortunately, sulfites are note used as much in food as they used to be & small quantities are not too dangerous for us.</p>
<p>It sounds like you handle Thanksgiving with a great deal more grace than many of us would be able to muster. 
Your kids & relatives are so lucky you are so amiable.</p>
<p>"I always insist that people just make what they normally would and I can eat what I can tolerate. I have so many dietary triggers that it would be difficult to expect anyone to remember, so I don’t try. I never expect (or want!) to be catered to. I just wish people would actually listen to me when I say “I promise, I’ll be able to eat something. Don’t do anything special.” </p>
<p>I would definitely want to know if someone had serious food issues. It would be great if they would bring something they knew they could eat (for example, they could say hey, I’ll bring a casserole)…and I could put out plenty of simple, single ingredient fruit and vegetables. That actually sounds like an easy guest to please!</p>
<p>Last night, a relative of my husband’s came over for dinner. We didn’t find out until he showed up that his wife couldn’t make it. After he found out what I was serving (pork, chicken, chopped salad, corn, rice, bread, fruit tart)…he decided that he wanted to grill steak instead. So he went to the store and bought a couple of steaks, which he proceeded to grill for himself and my husband, along with some potatoes. I had fixed an entire spread of dinner, all organic/free range, in season produce that I’d gotten from Whole Foods that day for over $160, that was nicely seasoned and quite tasty. I really tried to overlook it all, but it just seemed kind of rude. I’m hard to offend, but that kind of startled me.</p>
<p>busdriver, You had every right to feel offended. That relative of your husband’s was incredibly rude .What did your husband say about it? It sounds like he went along with it . What you served sounded great !</p>
<p>BusDriver, your H’s relative WAS incredibly rude. Sorry your H allowed & went along with it. 
I wouldn’t be in a hurry to invite that guy back again! Would love to come over to your place for leftovers! You were a very gracious hostess!</p>
<p>Regarding peanut oil, theoretically, the oil has no peanut protein, so should not provoke an allergic reaction. I was told this by a top allergist, but in reality, who. knows if there is a little residue in the oil.</p>
<p>Yes, epi pens are expensive, not especially long lasting, and even the deductibles add up.</p>
<p>Yea, but risking the alternative doesn’t sound like that great of an idea. I do let it lapse a bit EXCEPT if I’m going to travel & always am sure to bring one w/in the expiration dates + Benedryl on any trips.</p>
<p>Nah, I don’t blame my husband. We were in the same position, I’m not some weak little woman who needs my husband to speak for me :). We were both startled, kind of looking at each other, smiling, knowing what the other was thinking, trying to be accomodating, plus there was a fair amount of beer involved. It was such a personality change from what is usually such a very nice, relaxed person, that we both gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn’t make a fuss.</p>
<p>I’m not a “stay out of my kitchen” person, and I’m happy to accommodate anyone, being polite at all costs. I think we were both just surprised. I’m not a great cook, I just want everyone to be happy so I always have way more food than people might want. Funny, when this thread came out, I had no input on outrageous guest requests to add. And now I have one!</p>