<p>Sweetheart tables (didn’t know the name until now) are quite popular here as well.</p>
<p>It’s a MN thing too. Generally, shoes are considered dirty. Many people bring “indoor shoes” (slipper/ballet shoe like) with them to wear after removing their outdoor pair. I carry clean socks when I am not wearing socks (e.g. I have on sandals) because I think feet can be dirty too. An exception is for an event where people have dress shoes on and the shoes are part of the outfit. I have even seen people wear regular shoes to the front door and then put the fancy regular shoes on for indoors. I think this tradition must stem from our farming heritage and the climate. Shoes can be really filthy or snowy here. We don’t force people to remove shoes, but I estimate 95% of our guests do. Exceptions are made, of course, for older people that may have trouble easily removing and replacing their shoes.
We had no headtable at our wedding. We sat a a normal table with our honor attendants and their SOs. We spent most of the reception visiting all the other tables.<br>
I must have pretty reasonable houseguests. No good stories here.</p>
<p>Sweetheart tables are a nice idea, but honestly the head table concept doesn’t bother me. It’s a shame if people can’t tolerate the time it takes to eat a dinner away from their spouse. Once the dancing starts, anyone can sit anywhere, anyway.</p>
<p>I just think it’s awkward for the SO to sit alone at the non head table. They may not know anyone else there. jmo</p>
<p>Now that I think of it, we never ask anyone to remove their shoes, but people around here just seem to take them off unless it is something dressy. I usually take my shoes off at the door of other people’s homes, too. No one seems disgusted. I can think of other friends who throw a huge casual party annually, there is big stack of shoes by the door, but no one ever asks anyone to take off their shoes. It is just the way people do it, with no comment made if someone feels it is better to keep the shoes on.</p>
<p>Not coming from an area or era that removes shoes, my 84yo mother was quite unhappy when we visited one of my HS friends in California a few years ago and she insisted we all take our shoes off. Although fairly active, my mom has bunions, calluses, & arthritis in her feet, so she can barely walk without anything on her feet. She still mentions how rude my friend was when her name comes up to insist this of a senior citizen.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s because of my experiences as a nurse, but if I was concerned about ‘hygiene" or cleanliness, the last thing I would want in my house is others’ bare feet! I also would not want to wear anyone else’s “guest slippers.” I guess if I lived in an environment where going shoeless was an expectation, I would just carry around a spare set of socks or “indoor shoes.”</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of guest slippers.</p>
<p>Concerning shoes:
Northern Illinois - everyone seems to take their shoes off here (not fancy party though) - even the workmen automatically do that unless I stop them. My kids grew up with it and just automatically take their shoes off at the door, no questions but I did not grow up with it (east coast) and so will ask the hostess if she would like me to take my shoes off if there isn’t a visible rack at the door. I keep booties by the front door for guests who would like them but I never ask people to remove their shoes if they don’t. I have to say I love it - so much easier to keep a clean house.</p>
<p>concerning outrageous guest stories:
I am a wonderful guest, if I do say so myself, and have trained family to be also. I have had people say that after other not so wonderful guests left they would always say, well they are not the Simplerules, so what do you expect? I have, though, been mistreated by various host and hostesses throughout my life, one of many such stories - after endless, unrelenting urging to visit their wonderful cottage we arrived exhausted by 2 days of driving to our host’s cottage to find a note taped to the door letting us know they had gone off for the day and wouldn’t be back until late and we would need to walk their dog and by the way we couldn’t sleep in the cabin as the dog needed the guest room and did we bring a tent?! No, we had not!</p>
<p>Oh yeah and again after great urging and a cross country drive we arrived to visit friends who asked us to come by dinner time but provided no dinner and when it was time for bed (on the lumpy pullout - but no mind) gave H (who is not a small man) and I ONE small, thin woman’s embroidered shawl to cover the both of us, in January! I think I stared at it in utter disbelief for a few minutes before good guest mode kicked in and I thanked her feebly. Well we slept in our coats and all our clothes needless to say. The next day their whole family cooked and ate breakfast while we sat and watched them and they never offered us a drop to eat or drink.</p>
<p>I was reminded of this one today. Not quite a “guest” and not a request, but still wildly inappropriate. I posted this on the venting thread awhile ago. </p>
<p>Background on this story: My roommate and I have lived together since spring of freshmen year. We’re now seniors. She, my boyfriend, and I moved into an apartment fall of our junior year and this happened in spring of our junior year. We all pay for our own stuff. None of us really get money from parents. She ESPECIALLY gets ZERO from her dad (her parents are divorced) and he never even paid child support (her mom didn’t bother because he’s perpetually unemployed and she made enough to support them). Between the three of us we had 7 jobs and were working on 5 degrees so we were BUSY and our apartment paid for it. It was never gross but it was always messy (books, papers, projects etc strewn about but never food or anything left out). </p>
<p>Anyway, her dad comes down one day for a “surprise inspection” of our apartment. My roommate was under the impression that he was coming to take her out to dinner. He starts yelling at both my roommate and my boyfriend (I was at work) about the mess. My boyfriend, who hates confrontation and who was trying to make things better, started quickly cleaning everything. They ended up cleaning most everything up to “his” standards. He then goes into my and my boyfriend’s room (boyfriend was taking out the garbage and roommate was in the bathroom so no one saw him go in) and starts yelling about the box of condoms he found on my floor. He starts yelling about how he doesn’t approve of “that lifestyle”. My roommate ended up finally getting him out of the apartment and he’s not allowed back in. He did end tell us that he was going to come give us a “surprise inspection” and that we “better keep it clean”. </p>
<p>I can’t believe I forgot about that. I think I just blocked it out because I was so furious at the time. I almost left work (which I’ve NEVER done) just to come home, but then realized that would solve nothing. My roommate now has a VERY strained relationship with her dad but she’s trying to keep the peace because he’s an alcoholic with a temper and she feels it’s her job. I don’t know why she bothers, but it makes sense to her so… I can’t imagine what I’d do if my parents did something even remotely close to that to me. Luckily, they wouldn’t.</p>
<p>ETA: he hasn’t attempted to come back either. Knowing my roommate’s mom, she probably threatened that if he EVER thought about doing anything like that again, he’d pay for it dearly.</p>
<p>Simple Rules, those two stories are some of the most bizarre I’ve ever read. The part about the family eating breakfast in front of you without offering you anything is just incredibly weird. Were these people mad at you? Raised by wolves? I don’t consider myself a grudge holder, but if anyone ever treated me and my family that way, I probably would have excused myself, packed my bags, and left with nary a word. Would not waste another moment on them ever again. Mind boggling.</p>
<p>I give my kids a month notice when I am coming for a surprise inspection. I just informed D2 that I was going to her school on business end of this month. I told her that it would be good to have the room cleaned before I showed up.</p>
<p>Nrdsb4, Agree. That breakfast story (or actually lack of breakfast story) takes the cake. I can’t imagine people inviting you into their home and then eating in front of you and not offering any food or drink. It truly is mind boggling.</p>
<p>OF, if someone gave us a heads up that they were coming to the apartment, we’d absolutely clean. He was just supposed to be picking her up for dinner on his way through. We’ve cleaned for all of our parents every time we know they’re coming.</p>
<p>And he got there about 5 hours earlier than he said. Hence the “surprise inspection”. I thought they were joking when I got the texts at work.</p>
<p>oldfort, I would never just drop in on my kids either. We still laugh about this one- I stayed at a Kimpton Hotel in Seattle in May-the Hotel Monaco. I called my DC son and told him I was at the Hotel Monaco and enjoying it(had told him previously I was going to Seattle but it apparently slipped his mind). I could hear the panic in his voice, He momentarily thought I was at the Hotel Monaco in DC (also a Kimpton) which is only blocks from his apartment. He was thinking I would be at his door at a moment’s notice!</p>
<p>My sister told this story. She had a long time boyfriend in college. She arranged to have my dad to pick her up at school one time. She was at Dartmouth and my parents lived in NJ, the drive was about 5 or 6 hours. My sis figured my dad wouldn’t show up until after 12. My dad couldn’t sleep so he started driving around 3am. Back then there was no cell phone, so my sister didn’t know my dad was there until he knocked on her dorm door. Her boyfriend had to leave by the window because my dad would have killed him. It was lucky that my sister was on the first floor.</p>
<p>I arrived at my dorm after a class once to find my Dad waiting for me in the lobby. He had a business meeting in Austin and just decided to “surprise me.” I do remember being relieved that he arrived to witness me going about my expected business of classes and normal dorm life rather than any number of other things I could have chosen to do that day. I was pretty responsible, but certainly not perfect…</p>
<p>SimpleRules, I would have been looking around for a camera, thinking I was the target of some hidden camera show.</p>
<p>Sometimes, I almost kind of wish I would have had those kind of parents. Would have made growing up a bit more adventurous. In many ways I lucked out with the parents who encouraged me to have fun and live with your SO before marriage, but in other ways I wish I could have been a “typical teenager”. </p>
<p>Grass is always greener, eh? lol</p>
<p>^funny oldfort!</p>
<p>^yes, I have to agree that breakfast story was a real ‘pinch me’ experience. I was so exhausted and demoralized by the sleeping arrangements – I forgot to add that the teeny tiny shawl was all we got - and I mean all - no pillows, no sheets, nada - just that shawl – that I just sat in their kitchen speechless. Eventually H went out and picked us up food and coffee. He was trying not to be too rude but it just got desperate. Of course we offered to get them something too but as they had eaten already they didn’t want anything! We knew these people in college and as far as I know they didn’t hate us. A few years later they invited us over again when we were in town to see their new house they had just built - lovely home. We were wise enough to turn down the overnight offer and came between meals - nonetheless during our visit no offer of water, tea, nothing. Mind boggling. I got inadvertent revenge on them many years later when they came to our house on the way to a reunion and due to bad weather the roofers had had to reschedule to start during their visit - and they did start the section right over their heads at the crack of dawn - bang, bang, bang. I guess I could have had the roofers start after their visit but… - mind you their bed did have sheets, blankets, and pillows and I did have a nice bright and early breakfast for them!</p>
<p>The truly looking glass thing about all of this is that I have quite a few stories along the same lines. I’ve had so much fun reading this thread that I felt I had to put a few tales on the table, so to speak. One of my many simple rules that have come from life’s experiences is - we almost always stay in hotels now!</p>