<p>Interesting perspectives by both Miss Manners and Emily Post Institute on the weighty bed stripping issue. As a host, MM would never instruct a guest to do anything other than enjoy her hospitality. So, if a guest asked about linens, she’d tell them please not to concern themselves with it. </p>
<p>For the same reason, and she admits it’s not a perfect solution,she does not advocate asking the host what do do and opts to proactively strip the bed, fold linens loosely, and make up the bed (without linens) so that it looks presentable. Meanwhile, Post says it’s OK for a guest to go ahead and ask what the host wants you to do with the linens. In neither case does the host issue instructions to a guest - that would not be considered gracious.</p>
<p>I’ve never instructed a guest to strip the bed because they’ve always asked. When someone asks “what do you want me to do with the sheets, I always say " just throw them into the utility room-thanks!” I don’t see that as ungracious by either party.</p>
<p>I’m sorry but with ten guest beds (including the pull out sofa beds) and a turnover of company every week, I can no longer allow Emily Post or Miss Manners to have a say in how things go here. I do not have the energy nor inclination to run an inn or hotel but I have lots of love and willingness to share our good fortune (the beach house) with my family and close friends. Guests are invited to stay under the stipulation that they leave the room as they found it, clean and with made beds. Of course there is the occasional emergency departure or early morning flight out and in that case, strip the sheets and leave them in the laundry room. We have very few days during the summer without visitors. This works for me. If guests don’t like my rule, there is a motel one block away that does have maid service!</p>
<p>Nrdsb4, As a practical matter, I am on the Emily Post side of the fence on this one, so I see nothing wrong with responding to the question the way you did. The only thing I wouldn’t do is say it to someone who didn’t ask. </p>
<p>Seiclan, As I see it, your situation is different. You are offering your home as a base of operations to a large group of close friends and family with the knowledge that it’s a cooperative effort. As long as your company knows the score ahead of time, I see nothing whatsoever ungracious about that.</p>
<p>“Anybody have TOO good a host? My sister is too nice if that’s possible.”</p>
<p>We’ve had two different family friends hand over their ENTIRE second home for a week or more when they weren’t using it. Meaning, they were not going to be there, and we were welcome to use it like a rental house, only for free. We’ve accepted the offer from Friend A and stayed in his house on Martha’s Vineyard several years in a row. He calls my mom every September to let us choose a time for the following summer. How on earth do you thank someone properly for that? We try, but…</p>
<p>It was 10+ years ago when a buddy and I borrowed Friend B’s house in the Hamptons. Friend B’s parents left passes for us so that we could swim and eat at their club, bicycles for us to use, etc. etc. But the kicker was, on the last morning, they called us to make sure that we didn’t bother stripping the beds or doing the dishes, because they had staff coming in to do that, so we should just relax. Um, thank you? You are the most generous people I have ever met? Sending them a note and some flowers just did not seem adequate.</p>
<p>Friend B’s family also hosted our whole a cappella group at their home for a week, and when we arrived, they handed over half their space for our exclusive use and stocked the rec room fridge and pantry with a whole grocery store’s worth of snacks, cases of soda, sacks of gourmet cookies…it was like a college kid’s dream world.</p>
<p>So yes, there are hosts who go so many miles above and beyond, you almost don’t know what to do! There can never be any real reciprocity with Friends A or B, just friendship, which is all people that nice ever ask for anyway.</p>
<p>Hanna-
As someone who’s lent out our vacation home I have to say that we’re glad someone can use it when we’re not there. It makes us feel a little less wasteful. The best thank-you is a nice note and a home that’s in the same condition as that in which we left it.</p>
<p>On our honeymoon, one of the places we were scheduled to stay for a week was one of H’s friends. His wife had us drive her to the airport in HER car (she & her H would both be out of town the entire time), return OUR rental car & stay in their home for a week & use their car for two weeks (while we were in DC & when we went to Williamburg). They stocked their fridge, including a bottle of champagne, all for us. They also had a housekeeper, so told us not to worry about a thing. We were incredibly grateful, but had wished to spend some time with them too.</p>
<p>Every time we have had a certain family over for dinner, they have tried to change the menu I had planned. I am talking mainstream food like grilled chicken</p>
<p>(We just had chicken this week, can you make it steaks…)</p>
<p>I already had the chickens marinating–we did lemon chicken under a brick-- It was great though the son’s table manners were terrible and he hacked at 2 pieces of chicken and hardly ate…</p>
<p>The second time we did burgers and the mother asked what was for dinner. She said sh’e bring hotdogs for her dd… When they arrived, they arrived without the dd since she didn’t eat burgers…</p>
<p>When they arrived for dinner–I had many many toppings, 3 types of cheeses (cheddar, swiss and provolone) , 2 types of mustard, steak sauces, ketchup, pickles, relishes, etc etc…
Their ds asked for american cheese- I didn’t have it, several condiments I didn’t have…
then he took 2 burgers and filled his plate—only to not eat most of it and it was thrown out…</p>
<p>Most recently we invited just the couple for dinner without the kids-- I planned a nice menu - grilled salmon with a mango salsa, fresh homemade potato salad, green salad etc. A cherry cream cheese pie. They ate everything without complaint.</p>
<p>^^fogfog, as a parent of formerly picky kids, I do some things differently if I know there are picky kids visiting. I might ask the mom ahead of time what they will eat. Or I always have plentiful choices of plain foods, fruits, rolls, corn, lots of picky kid options. And then I look at what they end up eating so I know for the next time, and don’t let it bother me. Sometimes they eat almost nothing (except dessert, of course), and I figure oh well, can’t do any better than that!</p>
<p>For example, your delicious menu, my kids might still just pick at the green salad and eaten nothing else (though me and H would have moaned in ecstasy while we chomped it down). I would hate to offend, so if I couldn’t get kids to eat something, they’d just have to wait till later. I just gave up on the food battle a long time ago, and thankfully now it’s a little bit better.</p>
<p>I guess because I was raised to eat what is put in front of you/ to not offend a hostess…and
my k1 and k2 eat everything, even if they don’t prefer it…
and since grilled chicken and hamburgers are pretty plain kid friendly foods…
it surprised me.</p>
<p>When we have been to their home we never ask whats on the menu and ask for changes. We would consider that rude and self centered, as opposed to appreciating what the hostess has provided.</p>
<p>ETA: The burger dinner was a change from original menu at the request of the mom… and her kid was still a pill…
Also they eat well at home, lamb chops, steaks, chicken marsala…the kids do eat…</p>
<p>Can you elaborate on lemon chicken under a brick? That sounds intruiging (I know this isn’t a recipe thread, but really is a cool dish name).</p>
<p>Our family rule was if you couldn’t find ANYTHING you wanted, the very most you could do was quietly and politely ask whether there was any peanut butter and bread and quietly make yourself one sandwich and eat it without bothering anyone. Our kids rarely ever used that option and could generally find something more appealing being served. ;)</p>
<p>Seems like with a menu like that, even picky kids could find something they wanted. Perhaps the kid just wasn’t hungry, or there was something else going on. I can’t imagine asking my host what’s for dinner, or could you provide this or that. Though when my kids were young, I carried granola bars with me just in case. We tried to make it not so obvious, and hey if they had to load up on one food item, so be it. But there are some people who have serious food issues that have to do with allergies or mental issues. I decided that instead of forcing my kid to eat something to be polite (and then have him go to the bathroom to throw it up), that we’d just work around it. I know some people were thinking we should just force our kid to eat whatever they were serving, but it can be more complicated than that.</p>
<p>I had one kid’s friend who often would refuse to eat ANYTHING I put out, even when I had a huge assortment. Occasionally I would catch him snacking when he thought I wasn’t looking, and then he’d immediately stop. His mom would make comments about him coming home hungry, but I think she knew there was more going on. He would often refuse to sleep in one of our extra (freshly made up) beds, and say he’d sleep on the floor, didn’t want a pillow or blanket. As a hostess, I hated that, so would always leave a pile of blankets/pillows/door open to a clean bed anyways. In the morning, he was generally not still curled up on the floor. Kids are weird!</p>
<p>Unbelievable! And, since when can you not have chix twice in one week??? Do they really eat 7 different types of meat each week?</p>
<p>And, since when do guests even make any kind of comment about food unless there is an allergy issue???</p>
<p>At most, I would have boiled some pasta and heated up a jar of pasta sauce and had that as a cheap and easy alternative for those who couldn’t stand to have chix twice in a week!! Oh my!!!</p>
<p>It’s one thing to have to put up with relatives that are awful guests…we can’t choose our relatives. But, we can choose our friends, so maybe some need to clean up their “friends lists” like we do on Facebook! :)</p>
<p>@busdriver11: I think I might have an idea as to what was going on with your kid’s friend. I always hated to impose on others as a child – and still do – so even if I was hungry, I wouldn’t eat what was offered because I didn’t want to look greedy, but would snack when others weren’t looking. If someone offered to have a bed made up for me, I’d say I’d take the floor, so as to be less trouble for them (in my mind), but I’d cave and take the bed sometimes, later in the night. It’s still weird behavior, but that might be why he did it.</p>
Very generous of you to host people in your home so often.</p>