<p>This is a tough thread to start but I’m honestly so horrified by something going on in my high school daughter’s circle of friends and it’s literally the only place I can get some advice without causing massive upset to our community. If I voiced these concerns to my husband I think he would literally have a heart attack.</p>
<p>A close friend of my high school sophomore daughter has a dad who makes me and my daughter extremely uncomfortable. He stares at her at swim meets. Takes pictures of her when she’s soaking wet and in her speedo. Makes inappropiate comments about her “taut” and “curvaceous” body. He is always volunteering to drive the girls to out of town meets, some of which involve motel stays. I really find him to be creepy. My daughter does, too, but she is very close friends with his daughter. His wife is in my book group. She is handicapped and a dear friend.</p>
<p>The guy’s out of line. If he took a picture of my D like that I’d relieve him of his camera (it would likely be in the pool as well). I’d also tell him what I thought of his comments. I wouldn’t shrug this off. Also, don’t let your D go over to this friend’s house and if the parents asked why tell them exactly why.</p>
<p>Why don’t you privately confront him? Of course, he’ll deny it, but it will definitely put him on his guard, particularly where your daughter is concerned.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter to never be alone with this guy. Tell your husband–he has a right to know. Talk with some of the other Moms and see if they are getting the same weird vibe from this guy. Let the administration know ASAP. Do not let your daughter go over to this friend’s house.</p>
<p>A man twice my size touched my daughter on a street in London. I whacked his head with my purse (my purse is about 50 lbs). My daughter had to pull me away. I don’t think I would just let him get away saying anything about my daughter.</p>
<p>I would confront him, maybe with another mom…I would assume other girls on the team feel equally creeped out. Tell him the girls on the team do not feel comfortable around him and dislike his leering at them. If you are too uncomfortable telling him ask the coach to talk to him or have the principal of your school appproach him. He needs to lose his camera. Who knows what he is doing with those photos!</p>
<p>Am very worried about the photos. He uses a digital camera.</p>
<p>It’s complicated. Isn’t life always complicated? His wife is an old dear friend with MS. Our daughters have been friends since elementary school. My husband would go ballistic. He is under a lot of work pressure right now. We are a tight community. I really don’t want to ruin lives.</p>
<p>This is very similar to a situation that happened to my moms neighbor. My mom is like her adopted mom…anyway, they live in a condo development, so the neighbors are all somewhat aware of one another. My moms freinds step-daughter recently moved in with them and developed a freindship with a girl the same age, a few condos over. Well, the dad (of the neighbor) is on disability and home all the time. He began offering to take moms friend to school with his daughter. This went on for a few weeks as the girls freindship began to develop. The long and short of this story is, this man started to text the other young girl…she’s only 15. He started by texting things about what time he’d be leaving for school, and for her to be ready…so, she’d text back saying, ok…I’ll be ready. It rapidly progressed to where he began making sexual innuendos…which scared her to death. She told her stepmom before things got out of her control…and she did exactly what I would do in her shoes…she went right to the police, with her daughters phone. The school was called, the man was called into the police station. The mom told the wife what went on…and thats it. The fear of God has been put into him. As of yet, no charges have been filed…this is actually very recent.</p>
<p>I would totally tell him, he’s being offensive to my daughter and myself…and out of respect to his wife, you won’t say anything…but, he needs to back off. Seriously, this kind of wierdo needs to be confronted. His next victim may not be able to tell her mom whats going on. You’re daughter is lucky she knows she can talk to you about this.</p>
<p>Your first priority is to protect your daughter, the other girls on the team, and perhaps his daughter- she may be in trouble too. Tell the coach, tell the athletic director, the principal, any neighbor that is a cop.</p>
<p>His computers need to be accessed. I’m sure the wife would rather know now than find out 10 years from now that her husband is behaving inappropriately.</p>
<ol>
<li>Never let her get in the car.</li>
<li>Next time he tries to take a picture, don’t let him</li>
<li>Next time he makes a comment, stop him dead in his tracks</li>
<li>Tell your husband for Pete’s sake</li>
<li>Forget about the “community”</li>
</ol>
<p>Talk to the coach; look him straight in the eyes and say “take another picture and I am going to the police”. When he protests just say nothing and shrug your shoulders. Please know that the person that you are protecting AND setting an example for is you precious D.</p>
<p>I find myself wondering if his daughter is safe. Is his creepy behavior directed primarily at your d, or at other girls on the team as well? I agree that the situation needs to be addressed right away. </p>
<p>audiophile has a good point - if you confront this guy privately, it will probably put him on guard around your daughter, so she’ll be protected from any possible advances. I still wouldn’t allow anything but the most distant contact - no driving to games or anywhere else, no sleepovers at the friends house, etc. Yes, this will hurt and upset some innocent parties (the friend and her mom), but the most important thing is to protect your daughter from this guy.</p>
<p>If you bring your husband into the situation, the confrontation will probably be angrier and more public. It would be difficult to remain friends with the mom, certainly. It may necessarily come to that, but - if you think this jerk is just an inappropriate idiot and not a potential predator - you may want to address it with him yourself first.</p>
<p>Yuck…we know a guy who is a father of my youngest daughter’s friend. he creeps out the mothers, he creeps out a lot of people. He has leered at my older daughters. If they know he will be dropping his daughter off over here…they make a point to hide from him, especially if they are by the pool.
He was a host parent ( with his wife ) to a friend of ours who was here in the USA as an educational exchange. She got a bad vibe from him and moved out.
My daughter is NOT allowed to go to their house or ride in the car with him. Awkward, but luckily they are not the kind of parents that host any friends so it has never been an issue. His daughter is a sweetheart, and embarrassed by him.
I have found out that he doesn’t like dogs, so my very happy-to-see you golden retriever is always there at the door so he stays outside.</p>
<p>My sister and BIL were introduced to each other by a college friend. When they had their first D, BIL noticed this friend had some oddly inappropriate things to say about their little girl, once she became a toddler. They got creeped out, and this friend always offered to babysit. They said, “no thanks.” </p>
<p>Eventually, they pulled themselves away from this friendship because their hackles just went up whenever this friend was around. Interestingly enough, several others in their group also got the weird vibe and wouldn’t let their kids around him.</p>
<p>You have to trust your instincts, and this is where you have to warn your children to trust their own, too. A stranger isn’t always the problem - sometimes it is someone you know. </p>
<p>Adults shouldn’t be commenting on other’s physical attributes like that. It crosses a line that most of us realize. I spend a lot of time at swim meets, and trust me, if I see anyone who is acting oddly attentive to the kids on deck, I will be telling coaches, officials and keeping an eye on (and photographing the perv, just in case). My husband has chased someone off the field at a sporting event who was photographing them. You can’t be too careful.</p>
<p>Any other moms that can confront him with you? There is nothing as disgusting as old men making inappropriate comments to young girls. He needs to be called on it.</p>
<p>As others have said trust your gut feeling and your daughter.</p>