<p>I have changed my name to protect my D. She is about to head off to Pakistan. I am not feeling OK about this. As you can tell from my new name, I am trying to keep my biggest fears to myself since she does not want to hear them. Her dad seems to get more communication from her but he’s not crazy about the idea either. </p>
<p>She will be working for a NGO, at times in Islamabad and at other times she will be further away to the north. This is not a dream job, it’s not paying much of anything either. She sees this experience as a means to an end. It will look good on a resume for other jobs or for her PhD apps and that is the part I do understand. Pakistan has been her passion for many years and the subject of her undergrad senior thesis and MA thesis too.</p>
<p>She will be out of touch for weeks at a time, whenever she is not in Islamabad. </p>
<p>Am I over reacting? Under reacting? She has travelled extensively and lived in third world countries before. This is no big deal to her but I am picturing many sleepless nights for me.</p>
<p>I would feel the same way you are feeling if it was my daughter. Mine will soon be going to Spain for a school sponsored dialogue and I too am feeling apprehension about her trip.
I will be thinking about you and your daughter</p>
<p>Congratulations! Pakistan is a wonderful place, with wonderful, caring people. Stuck (as is much of the world, including the U.S.) with corrupt government and corrupt institutions, but filled with people trying to make it a better place. Of course, your d. already knows that, which is surely part of the reason it is has become her passion. (My d. spent last summer, first is a poor part of Jordan, working with Iraqi refugees, and then in very rural South India.)</p>
<p>Of course you will worry. You got the worry license when she was born. I’m sure the NGO has experience in looking out for the safety of their workers. Now, having said that, there are (as is the case almost everywhere in the developing world), three substantial dangers. 1) automobiles - accident rates are much higher, but more critically, if injured in an auto accident, getting quality care quickly is not like it is here. So one has to be careful, especially in privately driven vehicles. 2) Water - bad water is endemic, and can carry everything from hepatitis A to typhoid. She should make sure she has all of her vaccinations updated, and be very particular when it comes to water. There are now new “superbugs” - new genetic strains of dysentery, typhoid, and even cholera. 3) Mosquitos. 'nuf said.</p>
<p>I won’t be surprised to learn this is the best experience of her life. (Feel free to PM me.)</p>
<p>My daughter has traveled extensively, including Third World countries. That said, we draw the line at countries where there are travel warnings. Pakistan has a travel warning from the State Department. At one point, our daughter had an interest in visiting Beirut, where a friend resides. We didn’t approve given the State Dept. warnings, whereas we are OK with her visiting Third World countries. She has traveled alone in many parts of the world and so it is not like we are over protective. Now, she is an adult, and we can’t prohibit her travel to a country with a State Dept. warning. However, our daughter appears to respect this valid concern and never pushed further to go there. This is where I draw the line (warnings such as the one for Pakistan from the govt.). </p>
<p>Also, if your D still goes there, and you say she is going to be in parts of the country where a cell phone will not have service (I assume that is what you meant?), I would insist on her having a satellite phone and I’d pay for it. When our D was in some Third World countries, she took her cell which we had programmed to work in those countries (and it did) but for when she traveled in more remote parts where the cell did not get reception, we also rented a satellite phone. What helps (for me) is to know we can reach her and she can reach us at any time and we know her whereabouts (location…city/town/village). This is an expectation and she readily goes along with it.</p>
<p>PS…I will add that while your D is an adult and can do what she wishes, I don’t agree with the idea of a parent zipping their mouth shut on this issue. I think parents should guide their children, no matter their age, and also express their valid concerns and wishes. Your D can make up her own mind but your stance should be clearly verbalized. That’s just me but I thought i would put it out there. While my adult D could have gone to Beirut and was OK with the idea herself, she bowed to our strong concern which was validated by the State Dept. warnings. Had we made unreasonable demands, that might be different but she respected this validated concern of ours.</p>
<p>“Pakistan is a wonderful place, with wonderful, caring people.”</p>
<p>Good for mini to always have his rose-colored galsses on. A family member has first hand experience with traveling to both India and several of the 'Stans, and these places are as different as they can get, although bad traffic and diseases are some of the common themes. And this family member would not let their Ds travel to any of the 'Stans alone.</p>
<p>Not sure if this will cheer you up or not, but here goes:</p>
<p>I was in Pakistan for grades 1-6, then moved back to the U.S. Later when I graduated from college my parents moved to Egypt, the Philippines, and Saudi Arabia. While I was in Pakistan the war where East Pakistan became Bangladesh occurred and we were evacuated from our city to Islamabad. In my elementary school class we hoped for air raids during tests so we could be interrupted.</p>
<p>My parents were in Egypt when the Achille Lauro incident occurred, and in the Philippines when Mt. Pinatubo erupted and I don’t remember the exact circumstances but another time they were stuck somewhere where there was gun fighting at some point. In Saudi Arabia my dad had to take a different route to work each day due to security concerns.</p>
<p>I used to joke that my Dad really knew how to pick jobs. What’s amazing is that he managed to turn down jobs to Tehran and Sudan - other tranquil spots!</p>
<p>Where I’m going with this - my mother was asked how terrifying it must be to live in such dangerous places. She replied with a story about the time she was back visiting in the U.S. and went to an upscale women’s dress shop in DC. While she was shopping, a masked gunman ran into the store and made everyone lie on the floor while he robbed the store at gunpoint. She said she was more scared for her safety at that moment than anything she had experienced in those other countries.</p>
<p>Of course, there are dangerous places where one should not venture; I’m not negating that. But danger can happen anywhere, anytime.</p>
<p>While I agree that danger exists everywhere, including right here in the US, I draw the line at State Dept. travel warnings. The State Dept. has these warnings for a reason. Read the one for Pakistan. There are dangerous countries where there is no travel warning. But the travel warnings exist for a strong reason.</p>
<p>How many times do these things occur? The answer is; not very much. Pakistan is a very dangerous place even for Pakistanis, not a single day does by do I not hear about one extremist group or another blowing things up. There is a war declared by the taleban (who are mostly sunnis) against shias, ahmadiyas, sufis, the corrupt army and the corrupt police., the chance the you will get in the middle of one of their fights is extremely high; it’s a chance I wont advise anyone to take.</p>
<p>Zipped shut, I think you should unzip ASAP and do your best to convince her not to go.<br>
Google current travel warnings to Pakistan and you’ll get a slew of official warnings for Americans to limit travel in that area.</p>
<p>(and to the poster who wrote about having lived in Pakistan…the issue isn’t Pakistan as much as the CURRENT travel warnings at THIS time…might have been OK on a past date)</p>
<p>Again, if your D insists on going to Pakistan, at the very least, she should have a means of communication with you that is reliable for YOUR peace of mind. My D calls when overseas when she travels any distance and lets us know of her arrivals and departures and locations. This helps me. My D just returned from Asia in fact. I just interrupted my post as this D, who is now back in the states, is on a car trip today and was to call upon her arrival to let us know she arrived safely in another state. She ran into some traffic and knows her arrivals may be about a half hour late and she called so we would not worry. I would draw the line very very firmly that my kid had a means to call wherever she was in the world and that we knew where she was located (geographically) on any given day (not every move she makes but the location of where she was spending the night). This was not only for our own peace of mind but also we could reach her too in an emergency. Further, I feel strongly that someone should know her whereabouts because if you can’t locate her and have no word, at least you could inform someone of where she has been residing.</p>
<p>Well considering the fact that Osama just got killed in Pakistan and the climate isn’t so, ahem, good to go, I would suggest you do everything you can to keep her from going.</p>
<p>Now, with that being said I have a question myself. Is this NGO some government work where she is required to go???</p>
<p>And here is the US Embassy in Pakistan’s Warden Notice posted on May 2, 2011 and it goes through August 1 (this is a newer statement than the State Dept. one I shared earlier)…</p>
<p>Yikes…I couldn’t get my mouth zipped. Just think if something happened and you hadn’t tried to talk her out of it. If you try and she won’t listen - at least you tried.</p>
<p>If your D is so confident about her decision to travel to Pakistan right now, she should be willing to hear your fears because she should feel confident about her choice. To not want to hear your fears indicates to me that she knows your fears are well justified.</p>
<p>Further, if she is mature enough to make this trip, she should be mature enough to be willing to hear a parent’s fears, even if she opts to ignore them, though I think she should respect them. But to not be willing to HEAR them at all would make me question her decision even more. If she is comfortable with her decision, she should be able to articulate and defend her stance with confidence. To not want to hear others’ fears, means perhaps she is not so confident in her choice.</p>
<p>Why do you say that? OP has not divulged the name of the NGO.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I do not think this is a good reason to go. </p>
<p>If, as mini and his D might be, she is highly motivated and passionate about the work itself, and is really excited about it, then it is understandable. But just so she can advance her career? I would not encourage that.</p>
<p>Is she traveling alone, or will she have an escort, such as an adult male, with her as she travels through the country? What is her living situation going to be like? This would make a difference to me.<br>
She doesn’t need to go to Pakistan, or any other country, to get into grad school.<br>
I’d worry if she were well supervised. I wouldn’t support it at all if she were going alone.</p>
<p>There are dozens and dozens of NGOs in Pakistan since the floods, most in the Sindh and Punjab regions, and many of them with Americans taking part. Naturally, all precautions need to be taken. (I currently have American (civilian - women) friends in Afghanistan as well who are doing great work.)</p>
<p>Are there risks? No question. Are they worth it? That is something you’ll have to work out. (And, no, she doesn’t have to go to Pakistan to get into grad school, though if she hopes to do a Ph.D. related to Pakistan, needless to say she’ll have to go in any case.) And yes, I agree with Sooz, fears do need to be discussed - not because of the fears, but voicing them might indicate issues that need to be discussed and clarified with the NGO before she goes. And, yes, there are parts of Pakistan that are likely to be unsafe - Peshawar and Quetta probably top the list.</p>
<p>(The State Department currently has a warning out on Kenya, because of an election taking place in August 2012. We have friends who are working there in virtually every part of the country - except where the State Department is -in Nairobi. Nairobi IS dangerous.)</p>
A family member has first hand experience with traveling to both India and several of the 'Stans, and these places are as different as they can get, although bad traffic and diseases are some of the common themes. And this family member would not let their Ds travel to any of the 'Stans alone.</p>