<p>A friend of mine who has kids same age as mine shared with me last night about how her 16 y.o. son is failing his junior year, already put in an alternative program and still not motivated/not going/not doing his work. He has ADD and anxiety but wont take medication. As we talked she mentioned he is smoking pot and to insure he doesn’t have “panic attacks” she told him she’d prefer if he smoked at home. She said she would be there and if he needed her she was there. </p>
<p>I was so surprised and concerned, and when I shared my concern she said, “all the kids do it”. I offered my opinion as a friend that I would not permit this and that imo it is enabling. suggested it might be good to go to therapist with him and discuss the issue. it has been awkward with this friend for last few years as both her kids, while bright good kids, have done very poorly–so I typically don’t share my kids successes, or say no all kids don’t do this. but this really concerned me. I mentioned there could be legal issues, as she permits his friends to join him in their home and she acted like I was paranoid. I wanted to get a sense from my cc friends if they have encountered this kind of thing.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t necessarily see any issue with that if the kid had his head on straight (i.e. did his school work), but the fact that he’s a lazy slob makes it suspect.</p>
<p>I know parents that do it themselves. I know some of my daughter’s friends do it at parties, and she has tried it. No, it’s not something I would allow in my house.</p>
<p>Luckily I haven’t had to deal with it with my own kids, so I don’t know how “illegal” it is now. When I was in high school, I was asked to down to our local police station because I was friends with people that were dealing. It was enough to scare me not to have much to do with them after that.</p>
<p>Just to add, I had no idea my friends were doing that. I was a bit innocent back then. I think the police took one look at me and just let me go. I was scared to death they would call my conservative parents.</p>
<p>it is enabling. suggested it might be good to go to therapist with him and discuss the issue.</p>
<p>Not only enabling but I believe facilitating the drug use of your minor child would be abuse.
I also believe using pot to treat anxiety is going to make anxiety worse. ( especially if she gets " busted".)</p>
<p>Very nice. Where do they get the pot? From the friendly neighborhood junkie? There is a lot of debate about legalizing pot because much of the problems of use is in the type of people and situations you place yourself in procuring the stuff. However, the fact of the matter is that it is illegal and those nasty situations do exist. I think she is out of her mind.</p>
<p>emerldkty–I agree, I too thought it was contributing to the delinquency of a minor. can be pretty serious stuff. and if a g.c. asks him about this and her son tells g.c. about this practice I think my friend would potentially be in serious trouble. (if I knew a parent was permitting my kid to get high, or drink in their home I’d be pretty angry–bc it isn’t something I agree to)
cpt–I have mixed feelings about the legalization issue…however its somewhat a moot point, bc at this time it is illegal and she is giving her son message that its ok to break the law. I felt it was pretty irresponsible of her.</p>
<p>I think the kid is going to be a screw up either way. This mother has more issues than whether or not her kid smokes pot. Not allowing him to do it in the house ensures that he will be out on the street doing it, potentially less safe and in danger of getting into trouble. </p>
<p>My parents have always told me that if I wanted to smoke pot that they would give it to me and I could do it in the basement, just not to be out on the streets doing it or getting it from a bad source. My parents have smoked since they were 16 (they’re now 50) and as long as it’s done responsibly, they would rather I smoke than drink. </p>
<p>As weird as it is, I am torn on the issue of legalization. Right now, only people that are stupid with it get caught. The dealers and those who do it obsessively. People like my parents and people that do it responsibly have nothing to worry about because they have to reason to get caught and we know plenty of cops who know that they smoke. Their attitude is “as long as it’s in your home, why should we tell you what to do?”</p>
<p>The mother is wrong in that “all kids do it”. Not true. Yes, a good chunk do but almost every kid I know who smokes have parents that are dead against it. People like me with parents who don’t care have smoked a few times in their lives but don’t really like it. I’ve tried it my fair share of times, but it’s never done anything for me. Most kids get more of a rush out of breaking the law than doing the pot itself.</p>
<p>OK
I grew up in the 70’s-
I smoked pot-recreationally- didn’t like it-
( which from what I hear- is much different than what is currently on the street)
I do not think my smoking pot was a good thing-
I would be very upset if either of my kids smoked it, especially if they were still young enough ( before age 25) when their brains were still forming.</p>
<p>From my POV, allowing a child to do something that is harmful at home- with the excuse that the possibility exists that " more harm * might* occur, if they do it elsewhere- is not even logical.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with my views of decriminalizing drug use- which I actually agree with.</p>
<p>Most kids get more of a rush out of breaking the law than doing the pot itself.</p>
<p>I also wondering- why someone would break the law to get a " adrenaline rush" when there are so many more interesting and available opportunities for even greater variety of experiences.</p>
<p>However it is true that getting " stoned" doesn’t take a lot of planning or thought, for those who don’t like to spend time on either- it seems like a quick fix.
:rolleyes:</p>
<p>Doing something that affects your cognitive processing, is currently illegal and could result in a paper trail that could limit your career and educational path seems foolish.
Allowing your * child* to do so, indeed making it easy for them to do so, seems reckless.</p>
<p>I think parents that condone illegal drug use or underage drinking in their home are making a huge mistake. If I was not so nice I would say they are idiots. First rule for a parent- you are not their friend.</p>
<p>This is one of those things I hear that reminds me that I must be a really bad mom. Like the mom who procured the prostitute for her 15-yr-old son… or the mom who rented the hotel rooms and bought the booze for kid’s after-prom parties… Um, no. Not everyone is doing it. I’m still of the old school that it’s important to be a responsible parent first, THEN you can be a friend.</p>
<p>thanks…emeraldkty–I copied your earlier links to research and forwarded them to my friend. I may have offended her by sharing my opinion, but like being a good parent, I think sometimes being a good friend also means being real and standing up for what you believe in. there are many issues going on for this family–alcoholism in dad, and very recent marital separation–this kid needs some boundaries imo to feel secure and get thru this. sometimes it is hard to see when you are the one in it as a parent. I hope she can see I am not being judgmental but being supportive.</p>
<p>Ok, I’m coming from a kid’s standpoint since nobody has responded to my post. </p>
<p>We are going to do it whether you allow us to or not! You saying “no” is, if anything, going to make those who want to do it, want to do it even more. </p>
<p>Would you rather have your kids out drinking and doing drugs at a party where they could potentially get behind the wheel of a car? Or in your own house where you know they are safe? I know which one I would pick. </p>
<p>You parents are plain ignorant if you think your child is never going to try it. At least my parents were smart enough to accept that their child would want to try things and kept an open line of communication about it. They would rather me safe than be the “good, strict parent” who believes their child won’t do anything. They’re realists who would rather have their child safe in their own home than out doing the same thing somewhere else where they wouldn’t know where I was or what I was doing. At least at home they know I am safe.</p>
<p>Oh and PS, even though they have always told me that I could drink or do drugs at home, I am the ONLY senior I know who has never been drunk.</p>
<p>I’m still of the old school that it’s important to be a responsible parent first, THEN you can be a friend.</p>
<p>^^^
so sick of parents who think they need to be their kids friend-
ya know probably your kid * has* other friends ( and it isn’t your kids responsibility to provide * you* with friends.)
But parents- they don’t have so many.</p>
<p>Sometimes I was seen as the " cool mom", but not because I tried to be-
( but I pick my battles- didn’t care if they ate in the car, had pizza for breakfast or had the tv on if they got their homework done)- more that- * I * liked to eat in the car & have pizza for breakfast ;)</p>
<p>and I love my kids- but JEEESUSKRIST, children ( and OMG 16 years olds are children- older daughters college even has a swingset)
need boundaries to bounce off of.</p>
<p>If your parents aren’t going to set them- then that pretty much forces you to keep going till you hit an enforceable law- ( of nature or otherwise)</p>
<p>Lindz you may be providing the only voice of sanity for this mom. She may have peers, who think what she is doing is OK.
My H, for example, for a while worked the shipyards- very rough crowd- some were on work release ( they slept in the jail).
Before we were married, he had extensive drug use problems, but compared to the people he worked with- he was tame- it is hard when you have an altered sense of reality, in more ways than one.</p>
<p>*Would you rather have your kids out drinking and doing drugs at a party where they could potentially get behind the wheel of a car? Or in your own house where you know they are safe? I know which one I would pick. *</p>
<p>why would you think- there are only those two choices?</p>
<p>yes, when she said, “they’re all doing it” I said, depends on the group they are hanging with.</p>
<p>my d shared with me that she tried pot and didn’t really like it…made her anxious. had I offered to let her do it at home, she may have gotten more into it. my s has opted to drink at some parties as a freshman. I am very realistic and as I did I know that all kids experiment, however I do think my having clear expectations and boundaries helped them find their way with very little trouble. I heard about the kids whose parents leave for the weekend and the kids go wild. these kids did get into more than experimentation and have experienced problems, academically and with drug use.</p>
<p>roman–perhaps you have done well with your parents’ handling of things their way…</p>
<p>some kids who are more vulnerable, as my friend’s kid is would probably not do well with it. </p>
<p>I concur that parents need to be parents first. then as our kids mature it is a pleasure to have adult relationships with them based on respect and affection, and yes friendship. in my friend’s situation there is no respect, she is trying to win favor by being liked…he does not treat his mom with even basic respect. a recipe for disaster imho</p>
<p>What other choice do you think there is? If your kids are going to drink or try drugs, they are going to do it one of those two ways.
first you are assuming that those choices are as attractive to other young people, as they apparently are to you.</p>
<p>From my adult perspective, I noted that my teenage peers who drank and used drugs ( including myself) were doing so to mostly self medicate.
As a parent- I was able to help my own kids from getting to that crisis point.</p>
<p>…“Oh and PS, even though they have always told me that I could drink or do drugs at home, I am the ONLY senior I know who has never been drunk.”</p>
<p>**as opposed to being stoned??? ** to me the only difference is that alcohol is legal and marijuana isn’t…even though you are underaged to drink.</p>
<p>The “everybody does it” doesn’t fly with me. I’m the parent, not the friend or buddy. It wouldn’t be happening in my house.</p>