<p>Agree with Pinot Noir here and hope that there was good resolution for the OP and her D.</p>
<p>Sue the darn school for sexual harassment (and more so that it involved minor), I believe this teacher is a goner. Ask for good amount to make sure tht this will never happen to anybody, girl or boy!!! Your D should not suffer for nothing! She should get compensated for that and lessons need to be learned by some very stupid adults that happen to be teaching our kids.</p>
<p>I am very surprised that there are some parents who think that there was nothing horribly wrong with that comment and that no disciplinary action is warranted. Then again, not everyone finds the same things offending. What one consider offending may very well be considered complimentary to other. I would be furious if that comment was made about my daughter. Some other parent may be delighted to know that their daughter is popular. Different perspective.</p>
<p>The teacher made a sexual innuendo about a student, however vague and “humorous.”
Absolutely inappropriate, creates a hostile environment, and no - high school is not practice for real life. These students are minors and cannot nor should not be expected to “advocate” for themselves in this type of situation. I really need to get off CC. The anti-child atmosphere some people create gets so old.</p>
<p>Hi Everyone</p>
<p>The OD replied back with an apologizing email. Please scroll to the end of the post to see it. I want to first answer and thank many of you who have supported and stood by their beliefs here.</p>
<p>I asked your advise and I got it all - The best, good, bad and ugly :-)</p>
<p>Mommaj: You said in your first quote “A stupid way to handle high schoolers, and totally unprofessional, but D was unwilling to report him because almost all the other kids in choir thought he was the greatest thing…”</p>
<p>So you were all for reporting him but through your daughter, which she did not wish to. Right? you say my daughter needs to toughen up ? common - you can be sensitive and ask your daughter to complain but a 16 yr old cannot be her age? I am sorry I wont put my daughter through this, she does not need to go through that and toughen up now. When any family expects the child to be a child and be respectful with parents& family, being responsible, not talking back, doing chores around the house, just being a good kid and a citizen etc & etc
I think We as parents should also not fail on our duties. Parenting goes beyond providing a roof /clothing / here is some advise. We need to step in when the situation demands and not expect our kids to be kids in all situations and have they suddenly be an adult when such issues arise. I am sorry if I am sounding harsh. I dont mean to, it is my personal opinion so you can understand and see my point of view.</p>
<p>You say my daughter does not know what real pain and hurt is like , why should she @16? she has her parents alive , she is not on the streets / or an orphan to look after herself and toughen up right now and loose all that lovely golden childhood period where everything is just black & white.</p>
<p>I honestly dont care if I am branded as “those parents” my concern is only for my daughter and what she thinks. I would def like her to know she has a strong mother who wont hesitate to stand up for her and I hope if this ever repeats to her kids in future she is going to be equally strong and stand up for her children instead of telling them be the adult and washing her hands off the matter.</p>
<p>I am surprised by your comment that this was merely teasing. Disagree strongly here </p>
<p>Oldfort: Thank you for the support. You have hit the nail right on its mark.</p>
<p>Gourmetmom: Thanks for sharing your exp. No rush to judgement here, the teacher accepted his comments pl read below. Like oldfort said it should not matter if he is a good teacher or not. Such remarks from teachers are unacceptable</p>
<p>GA2012mom: I agree No mom with daughters would stand aside and let her daughter’s reputation be torn to shreds. Thank you for reminding those who forgot they were students once</p>
<p>music222: this comment seem humorous to you - really? let me ask you this - are you a male choir teacher who thinks its ok to speak in this fashion and most importantly are you a Dad yet ? you would not call this humorous if it was your daughter trust me.
This is not a close knit group yet as 3 diff jr high schools feed this sr high and it is a very very large school district so you have at the most 2 kids whom you might know if you are lucky in each period.
I am quoting you here " I was in choir in high school. We were a close knit group and the male teacher made jokes all the time and nobody was offended" see, you dont find anything wrong and thus the cycle never ends</p>
<p>Oldfort: " If we make a point of protecting our adult workers, why wouldn’t we do the same for our students. " I hope more adults /guardians/ parents realize the meaning and weight of this statement. If this not open their eyes nothing will</p>
<p>Fishymom: Disagree, I dont want my daughter to deal by herself with an adult. This is my opinion just like you have yours.
" Only one time did I even consider contacting anyone about it and my daughter was mortified at the thought." Looks like this is a nationwide problem from elementary to senior high school students, including my daughter. I really dont understand why we adults have made it so unacceptable for a parent to speak up. A animal protects its offspring naturally. Why are we not ? is it not our responsibility to stand up for them until 18 at least. They learn by seeing us and once they are off to college they automatically know what to do. I am sorry I am just ranting out my feelings here</p>
<p>CTTC: Wow ! I am sorry you dont see the difference between a grade and a remark on the character. If parents are upset with the grade their kid received from the teachers dont you think they they have every right to be more upset to such comments? so you have gone through some pain so she should too @16 ? I cant say anything better worded than Frazzled1</p>
<p>Electronblue: Thank you for the support, like any teenager she was down yesterday and after my talk with her she is doing fine now.</p>
<p>alh: Thank You</p>
<p>Bethievt & Paperplane: Thank You so much</p>
<p>CTTC: Lessons learned:
Strong family bond & you know where to turn to when you have a problem and not FB, myspace, drugs or anywhere else . Even when you are off to college/ married you know whom you can talk to always and rely on their support and advice even though you are perfectly capable of handling any issue at that age it always helps to talk to family, friends & well wishers.
and parents dont be afraid to teach your kids to stand up or if needed step in if you have to. Be the adult - be the parent - especially in these situations
Oh & finally The helicopter parent has zoomed in and is making an announcement loud and clear " I am a momma bear and proud of it "</p>
<p>PinotNoir: Very well said. I could not have said it better</p>
<p>mamita; Thank you</p>
<p>MiamiDAP: Haha you made me laugh & feel good. Nah I wont do that to the school district. It is amazing and except for this one teacher every single teacher from 6th grade to now in all 7 classes have gone above & beyond, so I wont hurt the school district or affect other teachers jobs in these budget cuts they have all been simply fabulous. Moreover the OD has given a proper apology so decided to leave things alone </p>
<p>Yankeedoodles & Snowdog : Thank you for your support and voicing your thoughts & opinions out loud. Feels good to know that I am not alone.</p>
<p>Oldfort : “H just said that if anyone said that about our girls he would be in the school today, never mind an email.”</p>
<p>Please thank your H for me. I am deeply touched to hear this from a Dad</p>
<p>UPDATE:</p>
<p>I was at school doing my volunteering shift this morning and after I came home I saw the OD had replied to me. </p>
<p>The OD has made all the right sounds, apologized well and I have decided to forgive and hopefully forget as time goes on. I am satisfied with his email and I hope she & other girls in the class will have a pleasant time in class instead of wondering who is going to be next.</p>
<p>Thank you all for voicing your thoughts and walking me through this. I am grateful to all of you for you time & the suggestions</p>
<p>I completely agree with oldfort and paperplane. We have never dealt with this issue but I tried to negotiate with the teachers / administration on other issues, discussing what I was doing with my kids. I’m pretty good at it and so we typically ended up where we wanted to be. But, the net effect was that the psychologist who tested my son every three years told me that he had never had a kid believe more strongly that he could negotiate to arrange his environment to make himself successful. By the end of high school, he did most it himself and does it all now. </p>
<p>These are opportunities to teach your kids life skills. The best way to teach it may not be, as CTTC suggested, to handle it herself. Talk through with her what you are going to do and why. Research your legal rights. Model the behavior that works. She’ll be better off and feel more empowered to do it herself the next time.</p>
<p>Just saw the OP’s post. Glad to hear it seems to be working out. The teacher should know that he is now walking on eggshells. The next crack like that could probably lead to bad stuff, especially since you confronted him this time and he acknowledge his error. You should be on the alert, however, for retaliatory behavior as I think that is relatively natural in this kind of situation.</p>
<p>Excellent! I KNEW the guy would turn out to be human after all. You did him (and the rest of the students) a tremendous service by pointing out the “error of his ways.” He’ll think about it, and he’ll be a better teacher and person for it. I don’t agree with Shawbridge that now “he is walking on eggshells.” He’s probably grateful for the feedback, and grateful that you didn’t go to the principal or school board first (I’m an optimist). I hope your daughter has a great experience in orchestra this year. Best wishes!</p>
<p>Shawbridge: I will be alert and I hope he wont make that dumb mistake.</p>
<p>“Just saw the OP’s post. Glad to hear it seems to be working out. The teacher should know that he is now walking on eggshells. The next crack like that could probably lead to bad stuff, especially since you confronted him this time and he acknowledge his error. You should be on the alert, however, for retaliatory behavior as I think that is relatively natural in this kind of situation.”</p>
<p>Sopranomom: I hope so too</p>
<p>"He’s probably grateful for the feedback, and grateful that you didn’t go to the principal or school board first (I’m an optimist). I hope your daughter has a great experience in orchestra this year. Best wishes! "</p>
<p>OP - I am glad it worked out. I have to give the teacher some credit for owning up to it. He could have just denied it or made light of it.</p>
<p>^^^
again I agree with oldfort. The teacher responded appropriately, accepted responsibilty and I would accept his apology and let it go. I wouldn’t expect retaliatory behavior, his e-mail showed him to be a stand up guy.</p>
<p>I agree and I think your D could learn from this great example and e-mail a teacher the next time something uncomfortable happens. Again, I only e-mailed a hs teacher once. My son and I learned that it was a great way to make contact and I realized I could back off because my son could now make the first contact. He never had another problem, but if he had one and the teacher wasn’t responsive, I’d have helped him with the next step.</p>
<p>The OP’s post this morning reminded me of my two older kid’s HS teacher (see my earlier post). This was a private prep school, but my two had come from a very small Catholic school, so this teacher was a tremendous shock. When my highly sensitive daughter initially told me about some of his comments, my first thought was, “How can the school allow this?” and, “This must be stopped.” But, I let it go, because, to be honest, most of the comments were not directed at her. But later, when they were, she handled it on her own and told me about it afterward. She’s in college now, but he was one of her favorite teachers and she says that he was refreshing because he didn’t serve up the pablum that many teachers give their students nowadays. And I do think he helped broaden her worldview.</p>
<p>Well, great and maybe op’s D will become comfortable with this teacher’s brand of humor. That would be a good outcome, I guess.</p>