So I’m applying to boarding schools, but my extracurriculars aren’t that good, so I just mentioned it to my mom a few months ago but I didn’t make it a big deal. She’s lately been really controlling and wants me to mention ECs that I did in 4th grade and those that don’t matter. Now she does the parent statement, but it’s all about extracurriculars, and she’s not even answering the questions. I told her that it’s not supposed to be like that and she needs ot change it but she says she won’t and that if I change it she’ll contact the Lawrenceville admissions and withdraw my application. I’m so stressed and I don’t know what to do. Please help. She doesn’t have access to Gateway so i could be able to change it without her knowing. I’m so lost.
It’s a parent statement.
If you don’t have ECs, they’ll know. If you put them in for 4th grade, she’ll know.
In the end, it’s her statement.
No reason to destroy the family. You’ve explained, she disagrees, and you move on.
Not your place to pry more than you have. Inform once, then move on.
I never said I don’t have ECs and my family isn’t going to be destroyed over boarding school. I never pryed she showed it to me and she’s supposed to answer the questions.
In the end, she did it. If she refuses to change it, what can you do ? It’s her statement. You asked she disagrees with you.
She’s, also, btw the one paying.
I don’t know your relationship, but sometimes you have to abide by what the parents do.
Good luck.
ps - no different at work. I suggest. Boss says no - unless it’s illegal I have to roll with it. That’s how life is.
If she won’t rewrite it then it is done. You cannot rewrite your mom’s statement.
I doubt this sort of thing matters much actually.
I’d have been soooo frustrated in your shoes if I were you . (I’m a parent but remember way back when). I am sorry she may be misunderstanding the process or questions. Ugh.
A couple thoughts…
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she may actually be understanding better than you think (no clue w/o seeing it!). Adults aren’t all clueless. My kids think I am, and while it is true sometimes, they begrudgingly admit sometimes I am right in the end. Fingers crossed for you.
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admissions are used to seeing all sorts of things and I’d wager aren used to simply ignoring ones that are off base. I don’t think it will matter much at all if it is.
I do agree that it does have to come from the parent and it sounds like she is taking a firm stand on her approach so not sure what much can be done (especially not knowing you at all).
Good luck!! I really do think if you don’t get in, this bit from your parent wouldn’t be the determining factor.
Don’t stress over it. The schools have seen everything. And fwiw, while most parents know their kids pretty well, most are also a tad biased as they award their “wonderful-ness scores”, so most AOs take these statements at something other than face value.
If your mom has written something that she thinks supports your application (even if she didn’t answer the question or write about what you wanted her to), odds are good that the AO will read the statement and conclude that you have a mom who wants to support you in your dreams even if she has no clue how to do so. And that’s not bad at all!
This is exactly right. The main thing is that your mom supports you and your desire to attend boarding school. The details of what she says may matter much less than you expect.
I understand your frustration, OP.
But this is one of those situations where you need to just let go of the things outside of your control.
This is a parent statement. The parent is not the applicant, and the admissions officers understand that better than anyone. I believe that they also view the parent statement as a value-add item rather than as something that could detract from (much less ruin) an application.
As others have noted, the most important element of the parent statement is probably the sense that the parent supports the child’s decision to apply and attend boarding school.
Bonus points if the parent actually cares enough to write the statement rather than signing his/her name to something ghost written by a consultant.
Your mom is doing all that, so mission essentially accomplished.
I think that thresatening with your application is really messed up but if the questions are about Extracurriculars and your mom is not focusing on the right parts of what you do and the insignificant parts I think thats a valid concern to bring up with her. You want to apply and get in which I support you in, so instead …..
- how about you show example parents statemnets that you wrote and say you found online,
- Ask your father or other family figure to write something similar. ( For this, if you find stuff unprofessional or lacking in any way ask a teacher in school for advice about you, they know alot more than you realize and are really inspirational.)
- Simply change the motive, if you mom writes about something you find insignificant, think of ways that it changed you as a person or to the people around you, despite it happening at a young age. Tell about how it connects you to the people around you and the goals you want to achieve in life ( from your parents perspective). Note: Dont try to change the feelings your parents try to convey through the writing try the style, wording, professionalism about it. Be optimistic about it, theres always something learned at the end of it even if its small. Small things make the bigger person. Thank you soooooo much for replying to my forum for the past week about Lawercenceville too. In return I hope this helps you and you feel suffacated. I hope you make it in and this helps to solve you dilemma.