<p>So first of all, I am only a 17 yr old senior. I make this thread out of curiosity.</p>
<p>I always wonder what my child would be like (when i get older). Sometimes thinking about it, I get worried because I see the decision i make and wouldn’t want to see my child make the same decisions. Or even worse, I worry that my child would be unmotivated in school, disrespectful, or anything else like that. </p>
<p>I know there are many parents here, and I know asking a college search forum will reap some biased data, but I am mainly just curious. </p>
<p>I think my parents did a great job raising me. Growing up, I basically had no rules , just boundaries. Even with this freedom, i think i’ve turned out pretty well (its all perspective…). </p>
<p>So I ask you, how have you raised your children? Have they turned out the way that you truly envisioned? This doesn’t mean you love them any less, but are you sometimes surprised that they are your offspring?</p>
<p>I used to think I was a great parent - I am thrilled with what my children have become, and would love to take credit. However, we’ve recently been copying old home movies onto DVD, and I’ve had a chance to see my parenting in action. It is cringe worthy. I now believe my children turned out well in spite of me, not because of me. :)</p>
<p>I did the best I could, but there’s a great deal of the grace of God involved.</p>
<p>Since you really don’t know who you are getting, envisioning a future other than some sort of happiness and success is silly. I like to think mind did well beyond what I would have expected.</p>
<p>Love you post, binx. We do the best we can, right? Our kids are a touch of him, a touch of me, this grandmother’s nose, this grandfather’s sense of humor, and some aspects of them that came from Lord knows where. Parenthood continues to surprise and baffle us, but we just keep plowing away.</p>
<p>Someone told me that you really won’t know how good of a parent you were until your kids become parents themselves. A lot of parent/child issues resurface when the younger generation has kids.</p>
<p>I think how kids turn out is a mix of parenting and who the kid is themselves (maybe I mean genetics? or in-born personality? natural talent or lack thereof? ) azngamer, in some ways you have no control over how your kids will turn out. If your kid is born clutzy, all the wishing in the world won’t turn them into a star athlete, for example. On the other hand, wise parents try to support what their kids enjoy and have a talent for, whether or not it’s what they “dreamed” their kid would do. D has a friend who is an amazing dancer. She comes from a family of athletes. The friend is also a good athlete, but she’d rather dance. It took her dad a few years to come around to supporting his daughter’s passion and talent, he spent years trying to drag her to soccer fields and avoiding attending any of her dance shows. His older daughter is in college on an athletic scholarship, and I’m sure he envisioned all of his kids as outstanding athletes. But instead, all of his kids are successful in their own chosen areas.</p>
<p>I don’t think I had any pre-conceived notions of how they would turn out, but our young adult children are happy, healthy, generous, loving, and thoughtful (most of the time!), so H and I feel blessed. </p>
<p>I’ve seen “kid-centered” families where the parents sacrificed the marital relationship to raise the “best” children they could. And sometimes those kids turned out to be monsters. I’ve also seen parents put their relationship first and their parenting second, and the kids have turned out to be wonderful people in spite of it. It’s not entirely, but it IS partially, a crap shoot on how everything turns out.</p>
<p>My high school senior son just attended a garden memorial for one of his classmates that died of an undisclosed heart ailment in the second grade - 10 years before their graduation this month. I still grieve for those parents, because unfortunately “Fate” plays a role in all of this as well. Can you say, “There but the grace of God go I”?</p>
<p>Anything that doesn’t turn out so well with the kids, I blame it on their father’s DNA. Works for me
We have 7 kids and they are all SO different in looks, personalities, talents, etc. None of them seems anything at all like what I could have imagined. I do have those occasional cringe-worthy moments–recognizing some undesirable trait or habit that obviously comes from me or MY side of the family.</p>
<p>I also come from a family with 7 siblings (and so does H). We think our parents (like many back in the 70s/80s) were too “hands off,” so we tend to
get more involved with our kids lives/decisions than our parents did with ours.</p>
<p>Don’t worry, azngamer, parents don’t have to sit back and watch kids make bad decisions–you can warn them away. Sometimes kids insist on the bad choice anyway, but my point is that, when you’re a parent, you can choose to repeat good parenting behaviors you observed in your own parents (like instilling a good work-ethic) , and choose to avoid others that were bad for you (spanking, yelling, etc.)</p>
<p>Despite our current lack-of-kids status, my husband and I are of this mindset, actually… We both came from homes where dreadful divorces occurred (his parents split up when he was a pre-teen and mine are in the process of divorcing, and have been in court for two years now after a long, downhill decline) and we’ve decided that our family starts with our own healthy relationship. </p>
<p>We know how much stress it caused us when our parents split up… My husband and I were together for seven years before we got married so that, with luck and a little divine intervention, we could avoid the fates of our parents. Time will tell whether or not we’re successful.</p>
<p>We’re very much looking forward to raising kids of our own, and I’m sure that we’ll do absolutely anything for them, but… once the kids go off to college, we’re kinda stuck with each other again. We hope that a happy marriage will help feed a happy family, and that if we take care of the relationship that we’re so incredibly lucky to have with one another, that it’ll be a blessing to our kids, and that they’ll turn out to be wonderful people in part because of that stable relationship, and not despite it…</p>
<p>…but then, we’re just two dumb ol’ optimistic newlyweds. Who knows how much our opinions will change once we’re actually parents.</p>
<p>^^^aibarr, I am not at all the type of parent I thought I would be, nor is my husband the type of parent I though he would be… it is hard to know how you will bend when you bring a new person into your family…</p>
<p>aibarr, easier said than done! no matter who you think you are before they are born, when the little creatures come along you are just…different.</p>
<p>Our family is a mixed bunch.
Both my husband and I are divorced from our first spouse.</p>
<p>We have one extreme to another. I have maintained a friendly relationship with my ex-husband, making it easier for our kids…as a result, they have been as well adjusted as possible , coming from a broken home.
Luckily, my husband has been great with them, and also remained respectful of their father and not tried to take over his role as their father.</p>
<p>Then the flipside…his ex is terrible and made his life difficult as well as driving a wedge ( to her pure delite ) between him and his daughter…she is not very well adjusted and has suffered very much emotionally because of this. They were seperated within a year of her birth…
I think it is very hard when parent’s troubles impact their children, but we all do try to do the best we can.</p>
<p>And as far as the OP’s original question, I don’t recall what expectations I had for my kids, other than wanting them to to do their best and be happy with the path they choose.
So far, so good. What more can a parent want ?</p>
<p>My hubby & I were reflecting the other night that we’re both fortunate that we really like the people our children have evolved into. Like everyone says, there’s doubtless some genetics, some environment, and a lot of luck, but it’s always nice when we honestly enjoy one another’s company. Our extended family has been fortunate that it has been very stable and pretty harmonious so we’ve had that model to build with. I admit we weren’t perfect parents but we did our best as most parents do. </p>
<p>I’m glad to see the kids evolving into young adults that love learning and have the confidence and perserverance to pursue their goals, have a good sense of humor, are content with life and have friends we enjoy that they can be themselves with.</p>
<p>One thing you also have to remember is that the same parents and parenting can turn out an angel and a devil. Think about Adam and Eve with sons, Cain and Abel. Are you a good parent because Abel is so good or a bad parent because Cain is such a stinker?</p>
<p>Thanks to all who responded (and even those who didn’t) to take the time to read this thread.</p>
<p>All of your responses are very interesting. I know many people debate the issue about Nature vs. Nurture, but I guess in reality, there is only so much you can do.</p>
<p>I didn’t have a vision about how my son would turn out. Someone told me when he was born to take it a day at a time, do the best I could with him each day, and not worry about tomorrow. I tried to do that. I will say I really wanted him to be a nice, courteous kid. So far, so good on that count.</p>
<p>His teachers have asked him from time to time what his parents did to ‘make him so smart’. His answer is mostly reading and little tv or computer. He also added that we had maps and newspapers always available. He also said that he was confused as to why Alaska was cold, since it was close to Hawaii on the map. We had a placemat with a map and the noncontiguous states were placed in boxes!</p>
