<p>I really am enjoying watching the adults our kids are growing into. They are so fascinating and I’m so pleased that they really do care about one another and are becoming closer as they grow. The teen years were what I dreaded but am glad that they were actually fine.</p>
<p>Nope! And I am not going to say they’re better than my h and I, as so many have been saying. Imagine if your parents said that. Are you better than your parents? And if this continues, when do we become perfect?</p>
<p>Are they what we wanted or expected them to be? I remember, when my kids were young, that my older sister said to me that one of the hardest parts of parenting was accepting who they were rather than who we wanted them to be.</p>
<p>My kids are in their 20’s. [Actually one is 7 months away from being 20] They are intelligent good people. But the jury is still out. I love them, but they have provided many extremely stressful ( to h and I ) situations over the last few years.</p>
<p>I kind of feel like I’m reading a cult thread when I read over this thread. “Oh, they are so wonderful–They are so much more than I could have imagined–My s/d is everything I could have hoped for.”</p>
<p>Well my kids are smart, have been accepted into top schools. These are facts. There are other issues going on that make me say, no my kid s did not turn out how I envisioned AT THIS POINT. Time will tell.</p>
<p>Okay, this is kind of embarrassing, but I think I pictured my kids acting 40 when they were 20. They would be so mature and grounded after the superb upbringing they had that there would be no need to go through all the foolishness that other kids went through. Wrong.</p>
<p>I, too, became much more forgiving of my own parents as I raised our kids. You just do the best you can, and sometimes you mess up.</p>
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<p>I do not think that at all. I think I’m reading the remarks of people who grew up in a child unfriendly society and who have been pleasantly surprised by the reality. </p>
<p>My son is almost nothing like the child I envisioned when I was pregnant. His father and I both have brown hair and eyes with similiar skin tones. Sometimes looking at my toddler with his mop of blond curls, bright blue eyes and skin far paler than his parents, I had brief moments of wondering where this nordic baby came from.</p>
<p>My husband and I are both pretty loud, like team sports and competitive. Our son is much more quiet, does not like team sports nor competition. Our childhoods were defined in large part by our siblings, our son is an only child. We are straight, he is gay. And so on.</p>
<p>Is he the child I envisioned? Not at all. I’m so thankful that I didn’t get a vote or have any sway on who this child would be born as. He changed our entire lives for the better, for the sweeter, for the far more lovely.</p>
<p>I suspect if this sounds like a “cult thread” it’s because most of the people who answer are in a good place with their kids and those who aren’t took a pass. I was pleased to go back and re-read what I wrote when this thread originated more than a year ago and see that it still applies. Sure, there are ups and downs, but I think most parents prefer to take a glass half full attitude when taking a big-picture look at their kids.</p>
<p>Yes, and somewhere along the line I think most of us realize that our “expectations” about our kids are kind of irrelevent and start to get behind thier own “expectations” for themselves…</p>
<p>As far as “expectations” - I remember being intensely curious about who my kids would become – looking at their baby faces and wondering what they’d look like, what they’d be good at, but I really did not have a long-term concept in my mind. When my first was born with colic, someone told me it would pass within 3 months, and I remember thinking that 3 months was an incredibly long time, and I wasn’t sure I would make it that far. So I know I wasn’t thinking about him becoming president or anything like that. I think I lived in the moment - I was not one to begin planning their college - or even preschool - when they were babies.</p>
<p>I was 22 when I married, and 24 when my first kid was born. I think my only asssumptions were that my kids would follow a similar path, and that I’d be a grandparent by now. In that, my kids have fallen woefully short of my expectations. ;)</p>
<p>We never thought ahead about our kids and what we expected them to be. BUT now that they are young adults, we are mighty happy with both of them and the fine young adults they are. </p>
<p>Neither of my kids has a significant other but since I didn’t marry my husband until I was 30, I guess they have time (they are 21 and 24 right now). Still…I hope I get to attend ONE wedding of one of my kids sometime in my life!!</p>
<p>Did they turn out the way I envisioned? I had no clue what to expect, so I would say no.</p>
<p>But am I happy with how they turned out? They are all complete individuals, with minds of their own and strong moral foundations. So yes, I am very pleased with them.</p>
<p>I posted a year ago and I still feel the same way. I don’t know if they have turned out the way we expected, but I don’t wish they were different. When our girls were growing up, we thought they were very similar, but as D2 matures she is becoming her own person and she is VERY different from her sister.</p>
<p>Better.
Because we are part of the 58% who spoiled the child <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/775752-why-do-majority-their-parents-spoil-their-kids.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/775752-why-do-majority-their-parents-spoil-their-kids.html</a></p>
<p>and the times when he didn’t obey, we were part of the 42% who put the child on bread and water, solitary confinement, physical training, and mental anguish.</p>
<p>“He changed our entire lives for the better, for the sweeter, for the far more lovely.”</p>
<p>That’s beautiful! And the funny thing is that I think my parents would say the same thing about me-- even though I think I’m awful and spoiled and needy and all that bad stuff (not saying that your son is though, he sounds great). Being parents must really mess with people’s heads… 
In a good way I suppose</p>
<p>To me, one of the most pleasurable parts of parenting is supporting your young child to try different things (sports, art, music, etc.) and seeing the child discover what they like (and don’t like) to do, where their talents and interests lie: watching them unfold, how they turn out, so alike or different from one another, and us.</p>
<p>On a different note, it is very frightening to realize that a parent has to make decisions about discipline, rules, etc., on a daily basis, and often you have no idea what is the right thing to do! I thought it would be more clear-cut. Yi-yi-yi. I agree that sometimes they turn out great in SPITE of what we do.</p>