<p>I like who they are. What amazes me is that their personalities as infants are the same as their personalities now at 24 and 20. One was quiet and thoughtful and loved to watch the world go by from her infant seat. The other one was always making noises and moving. Nobody’s changed. Sounds like a potential scientific paper to me!</p>
<p>Our son has turned out better than I ever imagined (given his parentage). But seriouly, I am humbled and very grateful.</p>
<p>I definitely have my father’s flaws. I can pick them out individually in both of us and could write up a list if I had to. Luckily, I think I’m better at tempering them than he is. </p>
<p>I think I’ve (thus far) turned out more ordinary than my dad predicted. I have no idea what my mother thinks. She probably didn’t spend much time thinking about it. I also think that I ended up a lot more similar to my sister than people would have thought had they looked at us both in childhood.</p>
<p>My children did not turn out the way I envisioned. I guess I must have had faulty vision!</p>
<p>While expecting a child, I think that all parents have some kind of vision of what their child will be like. It is, of course, complete fantasy and hope nothing based on reality. I remember hoping that my children would be healthy, kind, smart and would end up being productive members of society. My S will start college next year and he is all that we hoped for, although we wont know about the productive member of society part for a few more years.</p>
<p>My D has a job and supports herself, but she suffers from mental illness that has made life extraordinarily difficult for her. When I first saw my dear little baby, I never dreamed that she would be in such pain for so much of her life. So, I am very sorry to say, her life has not turned out the way I envisioned it.</p>
<p>Well, if we’re going to talk about the exhaustion, pain and adversity our kids have had to live with and through with their chronic health issues, no my kids lives have not at all turned out the way I envisioned it. Like everyone, I hoped that my kids would be HEALTHY, bright, and have a good sense of humor. None of us realize how much we banked on these unspoken expectations until they are not met. It’s like we planned for the trip of our lifetimes to London and end up in Holland–the language is different and things aren’t as we expected them. We’ve found it to be an fascinating and interesting journey but not the one we had planned.</p>
<p>One thing that I envisioned that I didn’t get was obedience . . . One thing I did imagine was interesting. I got that. Let’s just say, some of the interesting stuff was not along the lines I expected.</p>
<p>I have to wrack my brain to think of overarching goals I might have had–above the normal kind, generous, decent human being stuff. </p>
<p>First, I wanted both to be very adept socially, with both genders but primarily among same sex peers. That instruction worked. Since toddler days, they have maintained a couple of very deep friendships as well as wide, wide circles of friends. They both make friends easily.</p>
<p>Secondly, I wanted them to know the joy of knowledge. That meant instilling a love of reading in the early years and encouraging a love of challenging classes, research, intellectual conversation and travel during their university years.</p>
<p>I admit, I also steered them away from dead-end paths my brothers took.</p>
<p>We adopted three kids. We thought nurture was stronger than nature. We were wrong. It’s still been very rewarding and we do the best we can. We’ve seen some amazing talents in all three that never would have come from either of us. On the other hand, these “over-achieving” parents are having to deal with one child with a learning disability and another who seems to be “under-achieving.” We’ve learned as much from them as they’ve learned from us!</p>
<p>folts: We also wanted our children to love reading. We read to them every day, provided lots of books, and they saw my H and I enjoy reading. Both kids are fantastic readers, but only our S reads for his own enjoyment and education. My D says now “I don’t read books.”</p>
<p>So funny to see this thread. Last Saturday, after my junior year kid took for for the post-prom weekend down the shore, I thought to myself: “My work with this kid is basically done.” </p>
<p>I’m not sure what I envisionsed, but I think I can safely say that that kid has the tools to create a life for herself. I don’t know what choices she’ll make, but she’s equipped.</p>
<p>That was a really cool feeling!</p>
<p>“Someone told me that you really won’t know how good of a parent you were until your kids become parents themselves.”</p>
<p>Older son, age 30, and wife are parents of a two-year-old son. It’s immensely gratifying to us to watch them be great parents, while still being attentive to the marriage. </p>
<p>I also agree that sometimes they do well in spite of us, rather than because of us.</p>
<p>I love the analogy I once heard. Giving birth to a child is like being given a package of seeds. Your job is to plant them in a good garden, add fertilizer, water them, given them sun, basically nurture them well in a healthy environment…but the plant they grow up to be is anyone’s guess.</p>
<p>i like this thread. I always thought I’d have boys but I ended up with two girls who couldn’t be more different than each other in interests. Great kids, though. I feel lucky I like them so much, given how little influence I’ve had. Definitely thier own people. I was saying to my sister the other day that I think my kids changed me so much, when I originally thought i would be the one to influence them. Go figure.</p>
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So very true, poetgrl. I often feel the same.</p>
<p>toledo, your experience as an adoptive parent of three could’ve been written by a dear friend of mine. Her children are extremely fortunate to have grown up in a household where their needs (for doctors, tutors, therapists) have been met, their talents fostered, and where they are loved unconditionally.</p>
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<p>And, looking at it from a different point of view, I think that it’s hard to judge other people’s parenting skills until you have children of your own.</p>
<p>My sister, who never had children, is much more critical of our own parents’ parenting skills and those of friends and colleagues than I am. I lost whatever idealism I had about parenting round about the first time that I tried to go to a supermarket with a screaming baby in tow.</p>
<p>Marian…ha ha ha…I can so relate!
D was almost ideal toddler, which at that time, we attributed to our superb parenting skills and I’m sure we were a bit critical of others who didn’t exhibit skills as great as ours.
Then S came along, completely wiping out any notion that we had ever had any parenting skills whatsoever…</p>
<p>I envisioned my kids would be similar: same parents, same parenting, right? Wrong.
One is academic, perfectionist, reserved, likes order, rules…stays in the box.
The other is social, happy party boy, ignores rules…and is everywhere but in the box.</p>
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<p>I lost a dear friendship when we both had our first child and hers was a docile little girl who would sit for hours in her stroller at the mall while my firstborn son was like gosmom’s-- always wanting to explore and experience life. Wish we women weren’t so quick to judge one another.</p>
<p>Frankly, did not have any vision, just took one day at a time. nothing to compare to… We are proud of them. love them and ready to support. I do not expect nothing in return, as long as laws are not broken, it is fine.</p>
<p>Our son seems to embody the best of both of us, with just enough of his own foibles and weaknesses to make him interesting. </p>
<p>I love him almost too much to bear; sometimes I am so frustrated that I want to shake him. Sounds kinda normal to me.</p>