<p>We exposed our kids to everything and then let them lead the way. So, the one who became a recruited athlete liked chess loooong before she liked sports. Actually, up til about 4th grade, she would stop running any time she started to sweat. I know, it’s just common sense. Something kicked in around ten. Her best friend was on the team, is what I think, and she took off.</p>
<p>The one who excelled in the arts was first a fantastic gymnast, which by the way, I could not even watch with my eyes open half the time because it made me so darn nervous. She ended up singing in some class or other and then, it turned out she could act…But, yeah, that came much later.</p>
<p>Mostly, I just kind of drove them where they wanted to be. see: donkey father thread for examples. ;)</p>
<p>i joined an organized sport when i was 5 - bowling league. I’ll never forget it. I was the smallest one by far. I got put on a team with three high school girls, lol. They thought I was so cute. My parents met in a bowling alley and are very big into it, so it was only “natural” that I join up too. I did it till I was the high school girl with little kids on my team. I retired when I was about 20, lol.</p>
<p>I feel like several posters are missing the cultural point the OP is making about clothing. I don’t blame you for steering your kid to avoid a future conflict, but giving her some choices within that is a good idea. I thought of another sport – hockey!! Sort of joking, as it is not a sport I would encourage my daugthers to play (too expensive, practices at awful hours, very big commitment in our state at an early age). And I hate sitting in the rink, it is cold (learned that while my Ds tried figure skating). So that is part of my advice – pick sports you don’t mind spending hours watching :)</p>
<p>I do think you are best off avoiding the “tiger mom” mentality of picking sport and pushing for excellence early. My kids have been encouraged to pick sports they like (they tried several, and as long as they stuck with it through the season we were okay with changes). You really can’t force a kid to excel in a sport, you can only expose and encourage them.</p>
<p>Regarding fencing, our club starts kids classes at age 7. However, you did mention that your spouse is in the military. If you move around a lot, you may or may not find a fencing opportunity nearby. Also… if you kid gets really good, it is very expensive (of course the gear is pricey, and they have to compete a lot in international competitions). Our club provides gears for beginners, though. We are not at the point with international travel (and likely won’t be, as D started at a later age), but other parents have talked about it. </p>
<p>We have a girl at our kids private school whose parents have similar restrictions on attire for sports. She just wears sweat pants, and I think she wears her team jersey over a 3/4 length t-shirt. She plays basketball and volleyball, and our coaches are okay with it. Some schools/areas may be more accepting of this than others, though.</p>
<p>In soccer and basketball it is very easy to dress modestly and wear head coverings. There are alot of sports that will allow this but in some sports the outfits can be very tight fitting.</p>
<p>Yes. Have seen a girl or two in head coverings playing at the soccer field, can’t imagine diving, gymnastics or figure skating would work…however. Or track, for that matter.</p>
<p>Maybe you can find a soccer league that operates like ours - it starts out with “mini-soccer” (3 on 3 games, no goalie - this prevents the flower picking) at age 5 but has all kinds of rules to keep parents on great behavior and to keep the playing fun and developmentally appropriate:
Parents are not allowed to say any kid’s name. They can cheer for the whole team (“Go Blue”) but not an individual player. They are not allowed to shout any instructions. They can only praise an action that has already been done, not using the kid’s name. They are not allowed to criticize - the players or ref. They thank the ref after the game, in front of their kids. Kids line up after the game and thank the other team. In the youngest age groups, the ref does not keep score (although some of the kids do). Coaches are chosen for their ability to work with kids. All parents must volunteer for the league in some capacity.
The great thing about soccer at age 5 (not 4) is that kids can do it! Hand-eye coordination has not really developed yet, but they can kick a ball. They do “cluster” around the ball, which is why the mini-soccer works much better.
One advantage that no one has mentioned yet is the social aspect of being on a team. My kids started soccer at age 5 (this was decided by my first 5 year old, who told her grandparents that she was going to be on a “real soccer team” before I knew a thing about this; they all gave her soccer balls, socks, etc. for her birthday and that is how I found out!) It was such a great experience that my other kids followed. They played other sports also at older ages. The best thing about it is that they have remained friends with their teammates (my oldest is 25 now and is still friends with teammates)- and their teammates are really great!
And yes, two members of my daughter’s high school team wore head scarves.</p>
<p>I have to say that I am really bothered by the idea of a girl’s athletic endeavors being circumscribed because of someone’s perception that shorts on an athlete are sexually provocative.</p>
<p>OP, my S was good friends in HS with a number of kids from two very religious conservative families, all of whom ran track and participated in other sports. The daughter ran track, played soccer too, and wore the usual shorts and tank, although when not attired for sports she dressed modestly in longish skirts and sleeves. Apparently her family was able to distinguish between athletic wear and provocation. I hope your husband comes to this understanding in time.</p>
<p>I see that you are struggling with this, and understand your concern about setting her up for disappointment. (I also have been appalled for many years about the sexualization of young girls in our society.)</p>
<p>BTW, fencing is a great sport, and there are fencing studios where grade school kids can learn and have fun. In addition, fencing appeals to the romantics among us. In college, virtually everyone on the fencing team was an English major with an active imagination! :)</p>
<p>Despite the issue of the modesty, I still think you are better off exposing your D to a bunch of activities and seeing which ones she sparks to (if any), and THEN dealing with any modesty issues that ensue and seeing what workarounds can be figured out, than to try to dictate to her that she “should” like, be good at and want to excel at sports A, B or C that happen to have uniforms that meet with H’s approval.</p>
<p>I agree that kids should be exposed to a wide variety of activities, but I see no reason not to look ahead to avoid conflict. We decided not to do gymnastics, because we saw that at the gym in our area, “if you are good” you join the team, practice 3/4 times a week, and travel constantly. (there is really no recreational path there) So why try it, then say no, you can’t join the team. Another example is dance. If you see that the studio is into competitive dance and you are not interested in travel and hundreds of dollars worth of costumes, don’t take dance at that studio. We also said no to hockey beacuse we knew we didn’t want to spend that kind of money. She is young. Guide her towards activities that Dad will allow later. Don’t set her up for disapointment.</p>
<p>I agree with all who support the idea of exposing children to a variety of sports and adopting a wait and see approach to determine which ones your child really enjoys. </p>
<p>My father was born in a Muslim country but was ok with me doing ballet then track – I think he was happy I was doing sports where I wouldn’t break something.</p>
<p>How about archery? I’m trying to picture what they wear when they’re competing and I think they’re fairly well covered…</p>
<p>I think swimming is the ideal sport/recreation for developing young children. Many swim clubs have single-sex swimming hours specifically for girls for just the reasons you describe. Your daughter need not compete to get the benefits of swimming.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who’ve urged you to let your kids try a variety of sports/activities. There are many kinds of recreational sport/dance programs for younger kids. Plus, you’ll find those sports/activities for which your kids have an affinity. </p>
<p>With respect to attire–I know that in rhythmic gymnastics FIG (governing body that determines the rules for artistic and rhythmic gymnastics) ruled that Islamic girls could wear unitards (no skin showing at all). However, the unitards are form fitting.</p>
<p>Also–I wanted to comment on Sureof’s post–I think what Sureof describes in gymnastics, hockey, and dance is the norm for most sports. There isn’t much at all in the way of recreational sport once kids get older. If you excel at a particular sport–it’s expected that you’ll eventually compete or as in the case of dance (even without competition) that you spend more time in the studio. The question becomes one of balance–how much do you sacrifice (academics/social life)/ to get better? Personally, I think this where parents have to step in and help kids find the right balance.</p>
<p>I’ve seen women running track in suits that cover them from head-to-toe. Like the speed suits that Olympic ice skaters (racers) wear. Since these particular runners were not at the level where “drag” from a typical track uniform would be significant, I assumed that the unitards were worn for religious reasons.</p>
<p>It seems like many sports could have the uniform adapted for modesty, but if the outfit is part of the scoring for the sport (eg, figure skating), or a uniform look for the team is important (eg, dance line, synchonized swimming, dance), then those might not be good choices if you want to avoid future conflicts. It seems like uniform adaptions could be managed for most other sports.</p>
<p>Yes, but around here it’s mainly because of the weather. People want kids in sports because it’s a great motivation to get outdoors. Yes, there are pushy parents (I could tell some funny stories) but most of the parents just want their kids with other kids and other adults. It’s about socialization and learning rules as much as anything.</p>
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<p>Oh, absolutely. Her dad is a lazy bum and I do recreational sports only (skiing and yoga). However, I do think that she should feel <em>confident</em> going into middle school and high school sports <em>if she wants to</em>. I think it can be hard for a child who’s never played a sport, to just enter when all the other kids know the rules and have a hand at it. As I said, we didn’t get that and although I had good aim and was fast and flexible, I never felt like I was on the “inside” with sports. Other kids had been in leagues their whole lives.</p>
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<p>You know… I really was more thinking automatically, without wanting this to happen, that that was what people just did (choose a sport and stick with it). As I said in an earlier post, the posts here have led me to realize that most kids actually don’t do that! So I’ve changed my mind. Also, I want her to be <em>able</em> to excel–i.e., to provide her with what she needs if she does love it–not for her to excel. I would be thrilled if she just did one sport and then worked out every so often, as well.</p>
<p>Again, this is more me thinking, I do not want her to be limited in the way I was (lack of experience because of no funding and no realization by my mom that most kids were getting this experience), and I also don’t want her to hit that wall of modesty with her dad. Not because I want her to be an Olympian.</p>
<p>The chances of her being an Olympian are pretty slim, LOL!</p>
<p>CCsiteObsessed, interesting classification of sports. Thanks.</p>
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<p>That’s the maximum, btw. I’d say our winter average is one hour (because it’s freezing) and summer average is closer to three hours. We like the sun and fresh air.</p>
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<p>But she said gymnastics. And again, this is what I want(ed) to avoid. Because in the long-term, this will cause conflict. It is okay in Islam for little girls to wear pretty much anything. So no issues now. But I do not want her to get all invested in it. You know? Hence my entire dilemma. If it were totally up to her, she would choose swimming, gym, and dance.</p>
<p>In other words, leotard sports.</p>
<p>Not an option in the long term, unless she feels like, I dunno… having a huge fight with dad at 12. Or I divorce him. (That’s another story, LOL!) I mean, is that fair? I suppose we can just tell her it’s a good sport for little girls but grown-up ladies don’t show their inner thighs in public?</p>
<p>Obviously I see your point. I guess we will just expose her to as many other sports as possible and try to play down the gym thing.</p>
<p>@intparent
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<p>Thank you! Yes, THAT is the point. LOL. If only I could just say, "Okay, do gymnastics for the rest of your life if you want, awesome! Without worrying, that is. Hockey, OMG. Great choice clothing-wise and in Washington State we do have some serious hockey families, but I dunno, I was thinking just today how I hope she keeps her straight teeth into adulthood, LOL.</p>
<p>@levirm: I have copied the rules from your league and am sending them to our local sports league. My friend coached soccer and she nearly got hit by a psycho dad when she confronted him about unsportsmanlike behavior (his wife stepped in). Those are great rules!!!</p>
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<p>I can appreciate that but frankly, even if I support her, it will be a huge conflict. I also will say that there are some Muslim countries where yes, views of women are so limited that such dress is in fact provocative and exciting to men. Are they deprived? Yes. Is that our fault? No. It doesn’t change the fact that my husband has been there and knows of men that do, in fact, well never mind. Let’s just say that “provocative” is in the eye of the beholder and there are people who would be very excited to see a woman swimmer or gymnast.</p>
<p>Actually, not so much any more, thanks to the Internet, but we’ll see how their opinions change.</p>
<p>Re: Track uniforms: I’m going to be honest. I know her and I know her dad. If she becomes a runner, with her oddly long torso and short legs, and her complaining about running even in sprints (again, getting her checked for sleep apnea), I will be shocked. I am so sure that she will almost certainly not like track that I’d put money on it. She is very… I don’t know how to describe her personality except to say that she is motivated in funny, oppositional ways. She has to be looking at her competitor. I know she’s four but I also know other four-year-olds and she is really peculiar in her need for social interaction, and eye contact. However I’ll keep the unitards in mind, LOL! As you all have pointed out… you never know.</p>
<p>THE TEAL DEER:
Ultimately the fact that kids change often and that this is not traumatic has been really encouraging to me and I appreciate that. Cheers!</p>
<p>BTW–Modest to us is down to knees, covering shoulders or at least cap sleeves, and not a lot of activity showing the crotch. She doesn’t have to wear a headscarf if she doesn’t want to, though she may choose to.</p>
<p>Given that attire will drive the decision about the activity, why don’t you have your D try one of the martial arts sports. There’s discipline/competition/athleticism and the kids are pretty much covered up.</p>
<p>In your opinion, would you say you and your H are fully unified on the appropriate dress code for your D as she gets older? My concern is that reading in between the lines, I “hear” either resentment of that dress code, or a desire to placate the H (understandably, to be sure) rather than have it out with him. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not telling you how to run your marriage, but it seems like this has power struggle potential written all over it and you two will need to come up with something that feels livable and workable for both of you, not just one giving in to the other and biting one’s tongue.</p>
<p>Having spent time in Saudi Arabia this past year, depending on how strict / inflexible your H is, or how amenable or closed he is to compromise, the limitations brought on by the modesty issue may be even more constricting than any lack of money you might have experienced growing up.</p>
<p>Your daughter is only four. You don’t have to map out her whole life. If she likes swimming, gymnastics and dance, why not let her try them in a few years (or now if there’s an appropriate pre-school program in your area). She can take the skills she learns to other sports. Chances are great she’ll have some fun and want to move on to something else before it becomes an issue. But, if she does want to continue past a point it’s acceptable to you and your husband, you’re still the parents. You just say, “no more - sorry.” Of course you would have developmentally appropriate conversations with her along the way so she’ll understand your reasoning, but I think you’ll be surprised how amenable kids are. I don’t think it’s going to crush her to participate in activities now that she won’t be able to continue later. I almost think the fact she can’t do some things later is a great reason to let her do them now. </p>
<p>Another thing about sports is that sometimes it’s about a whole lot more than sports. My son grew up playing baseball and swimming. I had no doubt that when he got to high school and the two sports were the same season, that he’d chose baseball. If he had chosen a sport, it would have been baseball. But, instead he picked a group of kids and an amazing coach and swam with them. He had no regrets. He totally loved swimming because he spent time with people he enjoyed being around. They were a group who’s friendships will be long lasting.</p>