Parenting Question (Sports, Small Kids)

Parent Cafe
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<p>I totally agree. My son would have never played football if it weren’t for his friends. Turns out he liked it and was good at it but the friends were definitely the impetus behind him going out for it in the first place. Until that point, he was non-sporty kid.</p>

<p>I think what people are trying to say is no matter what * you* do at this age, it is very hard to predict what * they * will want to do at age 10 or 15. Kids are constantly changing and like adults, their interests change. Nothing wrong with guiding her choices and saying no to certain things but don’t count on her falling in love with an activity just because you chose it for her. Kids have their own personalities and you really can’t pick a sport at age 4 with the expectation that they will stick with it forevermore. My son at age 19 is * nothing* like he was at age 4.</p>

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<p>It is important to check out what is typical in your community re the opportunities to engage in the sport even if the child isn’t an excellent athlete. My daughters could do gymnastics and horseback riding here despite not being “the best.” Other places that wouldn’t be true.
On another note, you never know when things will change. Heard today on the radio that a college in Nebraska (University of Nebraska Omaha, I think) decided to drop two sports, starting next year. The wrestlers were told that their sport is being dropped, right after they won the national championship.</p>

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<p>“Having spent time in Saudi Arabia this past year, depending on how strict / inflexible your H is, or how amenable or closed he is to compromise, the limitations brought on by the modesty issue may be even more constricting than any lack of money you might have experienced growing up.”</p>

<p>He’s not Saudi Arabian. :slight_smile: Like I said, bermudas and cap sleeves would be fine with him. He doesn’t like competition in leotards or swimsuits. I think that is less conservative than many American Christian evangelicals and traditionalists… “modest” does not mean “clad in a billowing tchadri”.</p>

<p>“My concern is that reading in between the lines, I “hear” either resentment of that dress code, or a desire to placate the H (understandably, to be sure) rather than have it out with him.”</p>

<p>I don’t really want to make it about our disagreements. The point is, no matter what <em>I</em> think, he and D will have to come to their own agreement. I am ready for a fight, myself, BUT–I do not want to unwittingly set her up for one, when she could avoid it.</p>

<p>I do not think it’s an unreasonable dress code, as my mom (agnostic, spiritualist) insisted on skirts and shorts to the knees because she felt that shorties were exploitative. No cleavage. I think it’s reasonable. However in the case of sports, I know he would need serious convincing. And again, I kind of feel it’s avoidable.</p>

<p>“You don’t have to map out her whole life.”</p>

<p>I haven’t exactly done that! I’m just wondering which sports have good potential for practice, without wearing leotards that show the inner thigh, because I felt that introducing them earlier would give her more of a chance at doing them later, rather than gymnastics.</p>

<p>I hardly think that’s mapping her entire life!</p>

<p>But again… for those who haven’t read… Since I stuck with one sport for years, I wasn’t aware that many children changed often. That’s encouragement enough for me. Thanks.</p>

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<p>MmeZeeZee: I would urge you to have your daughter explore a wide variety of sports. She should learn to swim, to ride a bike, to play on a team, to play a solo sport (like tennis or squash or racquetball), to develop a sense of rhythm and movement (dance of some kind). All of these require skills that will enhance her life, regardless of competition. </p>

<p>I understand that you and your husband are worried about your daughter’s modesty; I’m sure that many Muslim girls have worked out these issues and that your daughter can, as well.</p>

<p>(From Australia, for example: <a href=“http://www.ahiida.com/Burqini-Swimwear/[/url]”>http://www.ahiida.com/Burqini-Swimwear/&lt;/a&gt;)</p>

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<p>Again, please don’t mistake this for telling you how to run your marriage or your life – but it will be a difficult situation if your D perceives that “mom would be OK if I wanted to do X, but dad isn’t, and now it’s between me and dad to work out a compromise.” If she senses that you secretly sympathize, and that if it were up to you, you’d let her do X, it sets him up as the bad guy and it sets the two of you up to be played against one another. It also sets you up to resent him if he forbids your D and she’s disappointed / upset.</p>

<p>Believe me, I totally get that it’s hard when one parent is dead-set convinced about something and the other is more easygoing – whether it’s clothing, activities, level of freedom permitted at a given age, etc. But it’s even more difficult if the two of you can’t present a unified front. Best of luck to you and your husband in working this out to something that is truly a compromise that both of you can live with and support equally. Who said this parenting thing was easy??</p>

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<p>I agree with a variety.
Both Ds have friends who are Muslim who participate in sports- I will admit it depends on the sport & the organization on making accommodations- but I hope things are getting easier & the childs interest should be the determining factor.</p>

<p>I finished school before Title nine & there were few opportunities to play sports that I might have been at least decent at.( I ran track with a friend, & I was not very good- I knocked over hurdles :o ) My youngest who loved team sports, learned * so much* about herself and gained so much , that I would encourage anyone with an interest to find a sport & a good coach to participate.</p>

<p>Lots of different opportunities.</p>

<p>My oldest was 10 weeks early & had gross motor delay. In order to support & encourage her to move more, she participated as a young child in things like gymboree & swimming lessons. She started taking ballet with a friend when she was about 6 at PNB. She may have continued that, however after she won a part in the Nutcracker which would have turned our family life upside down, I encouraged her to try a different type of performance by bribing her to get her ears pierced when she was 9 ;)</p>

<p>She sang with a girls choir for a few years until she was 12 & we found that our local zoo had volunteers caring for the ponies year round ( you could start when you were 12). She did that until she graduated from high school. ( she also was in track & took modern dance- but in general she didn’t participate in organized sports)
My only criteria for her lessons was that she choose something that she could stick with for a year.</p>

<p>Youngest wanted to play soccer, but ( she has tactile sensitivity), she could not tolerate the shin guards. Very disappointing to her. She began swimming, but she couldn’t handle the community pool- too big, too loud. Safe & Sound a local swimming program had a small pool with individual lessons that she took for several years. ( Both kids also attended elementary schools that had kids swimming once a week)</p>

<p>When she was in 5th grade, her basketball coach retired & she tried soccer again.
She played soccer in a community league until she was 19 & in middle school she was also on the school team. She added rugby when she was in high school, as well as swimming in the winter & track in the spring.
Younger D also volunteered with ponies when she was 14, but they closed the barn when she was 17 :frowning: )</p>

<p>Just think about the short term, what does your D seems interested in, what are her friends doing now? What things seem to meet your families comfort zone now?</p>

<p>Don’t try and plan her interests 10 years into the future- you have enough on your plate helping her go from a preschooler to schoolage. :)</p>

<p>( just read about the martial arts suggestion. Younger D also did Wing Chun Kung fu which she really liked. The uniform is covered up, they learn a great deal & it is very respectful. However, really depends on what your local area offers & my D was in a class where she was the only girl. At 9/10 yrs old, that got to her after a while, even though she was one of the strongest in the class ( the most stubborn anyway- they had a competition of holding onto the body bag & seeing who could hold on the longest- she won :slight_smile: )</p>

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<p>At certain ages and stages, it is all about ‘fun’ and ‘socialization’ - still. Around 7th or 8th grade, it begins to be about competence and competition - kids tend to stick with what they have a talent for, and the sports pool of participants shrinks. Keep that in mind, and diversify what your child does. Again, around 8th and 9th grade, the issue of time commitment also rises up - does your child want to compete or just play? If it is the former, at some level, then it will be based, imho, on the friendships/contacts he/she formed while also having a talent for the sport.</p>

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<p>“Again, please don’t mistake this for telling you how to run your marriage or your life – but it will be a difficult situation if your D perceives that “mom would be OK if I wanted to do X, but dad isn’t, and now it’s between me and dad to work out a compromise.” If she senses that you secretly sympathize, and that if it were up to you, you’d let her do X, it sets him up as the bad guy and it sets the two of you up to be played against one another. It also sets you up to resent him if he forbids your D and she’s disappointed / upset.”</p>

<p>Yes, all good points… I suppose if it does come up sympathetic family counseling will be in order. There is really not a lot I can do about my opinion or his, so that is just where we are, you know? I understand what you are saying and I try to be very transparent and honest with her, but it will not change that we are in a multi-cultural family. We disagree at times and sometimes one of us does say, “okay, honey, this is your dad’s decision. Don’t look at me–I have my own opinion but I respect his authority.” Or vice-versa (my husband would take my authority at bedtime though he didn’t agree and said as much).</p>

<p>Glad to hear commitment does not occur until 8th grade… and also thanks for the burqini link!</p>