Parents' Advice to a Jobless Kid?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hello, this is just something quick that I wanted to bounce off some parents because it’s been bugging me.</p>

<p>Some background: I’m an 18-year-old guy and I’ve never held a paying job. I filled out a handful of apps and made some calls over the summer, but to no avail. I’ve done long-term volunteer stuff (which required interviews etc.) and I’ve been very successful in school and athletics so it’s not like I can’t handle responsibility, but admittedly I am pretty reserved (quiet, shy or whatever) and I don’t have huge friend-group. </p>

<p>Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that many of my fellow young adults are in the process of “Occupying” various places. Now, the motivation for the “movement” notwithstanding, the prospect of becoming one of those, how should I say, rapscallions, terrifies me to no end. I don’t want t be a college grad who can’t find work, and to find work, I need work experience. </p>

<p>On the one hand, I’m a a shy-guy so even asking for an app. can be hard for me (embarrassing, I know). On the other, I’ve already been accepted to the college I want to go to and I’m done with XC running so getting a job seems only natural. </p>

<p>Now, here’s the part I don’t get. I’ve observed other parents go so far as to kick their kid out if he doesn’t have a job. My parents are largely ambivalent to my joblessness. Granted, I’m not a heavy spender, but they pay for my food, clothes AND gas money. When I told them I wanted a job, they weren’t entirely opposed, but they did seem to discourage it. They said I don’t need distractions from my school work, or that I should focus on getting in shape for Track in my free time since I have only one season left. </p>

<p>Instead, my dad supported my having a job lined up for summer by mid-spring, but my mom even went so far as to say that I should wait till college and get a job in a lab that “I’d actually like.” </p>

<p>When I told my dad that if I didn’t have a paying job by age 20, I’d join the military on that very same day, he told me I was acting like an idiot. I don’t understand. Isn’t this something that parents should be legitimately concerned about? Shouldn’t they be worried that their kid’s 18 and has never held a job? Not having a job makes ME feel like a bum.</p>

<p>Your thoughts? Thanks for listening.</p>

2

<p>Parents differ on their opinions on their high school kids working. In our house, we expected our kids to start earning their own money by the age of 16. Under the age of 16, they could mow lawns, rake leaves, and shovel snow in the neighborhood to earn their spending money. Once they turned 16, they were expected to work a job during the summer. We expected them to earn their own gas money as well as “fun” money (for movies, dates, pizza, etc.). </p>

<p>When they started college, they were expected to pay for their own books as well as their entertainment and personal expenses. This meant, if they didn’t work full time during the summer, they wouldn’t have any money to buy their books or for their other various expenses (gas for the car, etc.). </p>

<p>Some parents don’t want their kids to have to work. My husband and I believe that work experience as a teenager and young adult not only teaches responsibility and a sense of independence, it reminds them that earning a buck is a lot harder than spending a buck.</p>

3

<p>It sounds like you are motivated to find a job but are struggling a bit with the process and your parents aren’t insisting on you working. In the case of things like asking for an application it will get easier the more you do it. I really wanted my kids to have work experience and their own money. When my son was fifteen I drove him around our town. every time we saw a help wanted sign I would tell him to get out of the car and go in alone to get an application. At first he was a bit terrified and the very first time even cried a bit. I encouraged him and eventually he went in. the second time was easier, the third more so. He did end up getting a job. It was good experience for him and he was proud that he went through the process. I would encourage you to go ahead and just start trying. It will get easier each time and eventually you will have that first job.
As for your parents it doesn’t sound like it is a necessity or priority for them that you work right now. they want you to focus on your school work and they may feel that they can provide for you and want to have the time with you rather than have you at work. that isn’t unusual but if you want to work go for it.</p>

4

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<p>I hear that. That’s how I’d raise my kids too. But my parents don’t seem to be that strict about it. Like I said, I consider myself to be pretty responsible in other aspects of my life, but my social ineptitude is my biggest handicap and I realize that’s something I need to work on. The little libertarian inside of me feels guilty that I’m not working, but confused at the fact that my parents don’t seem to mind.</p>

5

<p>Find out where your friends are currently working and then apply at the same place. They can put in a good word for you. Just keep putting yourself out there are you’ll find something. </p>

<p>Holding down a part-time job is, IMO, an essential part of growing up. Nothing feels better or boosts the self esteem more than holding that first paycheck. My kids were expected to have jobs by the time they got their drivers licenses.</p>

6

<p>The range of jobs open to 18 year olds, particularly in this economy, is very limited. Before 18, my kid babysat occasionally and was a lifeguard. Honestly, she didn’t make enough money to make much of a difference, but, if you really want a job, people die for babysitters like you in my area. </p>

<p>When my D went to college, she got a job as a dishwasher. Colleges tend to be an easy place for college students to get paying jobs. Check it out.</p>

<p>You can learn responsibility and gain a work ethic in many ways–including, but not limited to a menial job. Sounds like you are both responsible and hardworking. My advice would be that when you go to college, get yourself job, if only to make yourself feel better. In the long run, I predict you are going to do fine.</p>

7

<p>OP - I was very much like your parents. My Depression Era raised parents were, too. They in fact reported that they could not find “menial jobs” when they were teens, nor did their families want them to, even though their families could certainly have used the money, and their own uneducated parents encouraged them to spend their time developing skills that would serve them well in future jobs. Getting as much education as they could rather than bringing in money in the short-term was considered their responsibility.</p>

<p>My parents told me that there was no shame in concentrating on school work, and then helping around the house (I had regular chores from early childhood, as did my children), or doing volunteer work, when I had a chance. (My brothers were expected to do even less in terms of helping or volunteering, and later became highly-respected and hard-working professionals, FWIW - they somehow skipped the value of taking a menial job to pay for luxuries as a “necessary” part of the process.) </p>

<p>I was also encouraged to pursue hobbies and establish friendships with elderly relatives and neighbors, learning their stories and helping out. It can get kind of depressing for anyone if most of the people in their lives are there because they are paid to be there, not because they want to be there - and helping someone who has become a friend (perhaps in the course of pursuing a hobby or interest involving people of all ages) with everyday tasks, that they might otherwise have to pay a stranger to do, becomes something that is “natural” to do once a friendship is established.</p>

<p>BTW, Frazzled kids got lab jobs (their first paying jobs) once they got to college, and in fact they chose their schools for ease in getting these types of jobs. (Admittedly, here is where science majors have an advantage.) When they interviewed for these jobs, nobody seemed to care whether they had done any kinds of “menial” jobs - it was mostly about why they wanted to work in the lab and their experience in science courses and science related activities. The funny thing was, they did try to get less skilled jobs while in high school and college, and for THEM, getting those lab jobs was a far easier and less-daunting task.</p>

8

<p>I learned a LOT from the “menial jobs” that I held in high school (and some eventually during college). Working in retail and being a hotel maid were ways for me to get to know others (adults in particular) who didn’t go to college and were living paycheck to paycheck. That is a great perspective for a college grad to have, in my opinion. The maid job in particular gave me a lot more compassion for people who do difficult physical work all day for minimum wage. Couldn’t have learned that in my college classroom (or from my parents, who also did not care if I worked or not).</p>

<p>I also learned something about the practical skills needed in a job environment (being on time, doing things I would rather not do but someone has to, dealing with difficult bosses, and how small businesses really put business concepts into practice). I know what my patronage means to a small retail business now – what a slow day vs. a busy day means to the bottom line and the employees. I also learned that some people running businesses are honest and doing their best for employees, and some are greedy and not so concerned. It made it a lot clearer to me which kind of employer/boss I wanted to be when I got out in the working world.</p>

<p>So while future employers or your parents may not care if you hold “menial” jobs during late high school and college, that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing (for more than just the small paycheck).</p>

9

<p>Jobs in high school are a mixed blessing.</p>

<p>You do learn things on the job that you wouldn’t learn in other settings. But many companies that hire young people for part-time jobs expect them to work 6- to 8-hour shifts, and that’s too many hours on a school night. It leaves no time for homework.</p>

<p>I also doubt that you can get a job now for just the short time until track season starts. The companies who were hiring seasonal help for Christmas probably have already filled their positions.</p>

<p>But you can start planning for next summer. Some of the best opportunities are in seasonal businesses – day camps, swimming pools, theme parks, etc. If you don’t have specialized skills (like lifeguarding), you may have to take a very routine job (like working at a swimming pool’s snack bar). But you can learn from this. </p>

<p>Some seasonal businesses, such as day camps, do their hiring in the winter. Check around. You may be a good candidate for a job as a counselor at a sports-oriented day camp, but you would need to complete some training (first aid, CPR, etc.) before the season starts. </p>

<p>And if a job doesn’t materialize now, try for something part-time during college. College students’ schedules are more flexible than those of high-school students, so it’s usually possible to work 15 hours a week or so without harming your academic work.</p>

10

<p>Lots of good advice. Your friends are going to be your biggest asset. If you have friends that work, ask them to recommend you if there is an opening. My kids all found jobs that way. I’m happy when my kids don’t work during the school year. It’s just to tough to adjust schedules around sports, family time etc. My oldest son and youngest son did work through Christmas as they didn’t have a fall sport. My oldest always volunteered to work on football Fridays and dance Saturdays which endeared him to his employer. It was his choice although deep inside I was disappointed that he wasn’t as engaged in what was happening in his high school but that is him and his decision and he never went to even one college football game the entire four years he was at his college…just not “his thing.” </p>

<p>In our area employers rarely have teens work more than 15-20 hours a week but asking what your average weekly hours will be, especially during the school year, is important. Teens working is not at all unusual in our area regardless of family income. I think that is a good thing as it helps kids learn balance and responsibility. Frankly having a 6-7 year work track record as a college graduate in this day and age is a plus…not a negative.</p>

<p>There are parents these days who do feel that getting good grades or excelling at an EC is a “job” and that is fine. Either they never had to work, or they did work and want to “spare” you from something perhaps they wished they didn’t need to do. Remember how parents parent is shaped by their own past experiences. My H and I both started working for pay at age 13 (you can’t do that anymore legally I don’t think). And we both worked throughout high school and our kids heard stories through the years so I don’t think they thought twice about looking for a job at 16. I think you have to find your own motivations and if you genuinely want to work and have “your money” in your pocket instead of having to ask your parents for money that is also fine. My high school kids preferred not to ask us for gas money, movie money, etc. all the time. They “liked” feeling independent and I appreciate those early steps toward money management and independence. </p>

<p>I would suspect if an employer were looking at 2 equally qualified college grads you would probably tilt toward the one who has punched a time clock than the one who never had to earn a dime. Your parents may not “care” if you work or not, but I pretty much believe that future employers will care. Good luck, if you want to work keep searching and talk to your frieinds! If you don’t find a job in high school don’t worry, there will be opportunities in college and plenty of time to get a job or two under your belt.</p>

11

<p>This economy has changed things a bit. Some of son’s college friends had trouble finding a job last summer, even flipping burgers. Many of his friends still were able to find these types of jobs. My son was able to land a new job and was hired back at a job that held the summer before, so he was able to juggle the 2 part time jobs and was happy to have them. He plans on doing the same jobs next summer unless by some miracle he gets a paid internship. Just so you know, my son actually had TWO interviews last summer for a minimum wage job because there were plenty of applicants for that job! My son thought he was hired for one shift, but they ended up giving him another shift and he did not dare say word. He was just happy to be employed!!! My point is, don’t get fustrated if you can’t immediately get a minimum wage job that was once very easy to get because many young people did not want them. Also, know that you might have to actually go through a hiring process, rather than having the manager ask you whether you can begin this afternoon. For my own son, the interviewing process took a full week! I was shocked by that because I was under the impression that if a person is willing to work, he/she could get hired on the spot to make french fries, paint walls, or clean bathrooms. I was mistaken.</p>

12

<p>So true. I always told the kids the first job is the hardest. After that you have somewhat of a “track” record and the next job is abit easier and your network of co-workers expands. My middle son nailed his sophomore college job the day he interviewed but he has 3 years work experience. It took his roommate weeks of pounding pavement and he had never had a real job before…he finally got hired week four where my son works because my son told the manager he would be a good worker. Times have changed in the last five years.</p>

13

<p>All of my kids worked starting at 16 and before that they earned money doing chores for neighbors, walking animals, baby sitting and assisting other kids with homework. There is always money to be made and their really isn’t a reason a kid should not be working unless there are learning issues which require complete dedication to schoolwork.</p>

14

<p>Gaaaaah dammit. I knew my parents were being dumb. I have an app for a grocery store sitting on my counter. It would be the perfect job for many reasons. If I don’t get it, I’ll have to start looking as soon as possible for other opportunities.</p>

<p>I guess ROTC will be my ace in the whole if I turn 20 and I’m still jobless. I’ve never have suspected that getting a job would be so hard that that’s my only option but the world is changing.</p>

<p>My friends can’t really help because I don’t have very many and the ones I do have are either bums themselves or are too searched to “care” whether or not I have a job.</p>

<p>I knew I shoulda started reffing a few years back but I didn’t. Now, I’m ****ed, and mom and pop couldn’t care less. Maybe they want their kid to be a bum for all I know. :(</p>

15

<p>*hole, *never would have expected and *detached (not “searched”)</p>

16

<p>Parents here are trying to help you, so be polite.</p>

17

<p>Don’t worry about a job now. Your job is doing the best you can. You only have a few months left of HS- make the most of it. In college you are best off if you don’t have to work (wish I hadn’t needed the money). Summer jobs are great if available. Do NOT force yourself into a job at age 20 instead of school. Don’t feel like you need ROTC. You should be able to take more college credits if you don’t have to work. Not having a minimum skills/wage job before you finish college won’t affect your ability to have a good job with a college degree. As long as money isn’t a big deal for your family enjoy your last months of childhood. There is plenty of time to work- decades of it. Those who didn’t need to work during school are NOT ahead of those who didn’t even a few years after college in all things, including maturity. Get over your obssession with working before you have the skills from a college degree. More than enough said.</p>

18

<p>As an employer of teens, let me just point out that I don’t expect my applicants to have any work experience, and I expect them to be nervous coming in the door for an application and interview. It’s OK. </p>

<p>I absolutely limit the amount of hours I let a student work, because I want them to stay once they are trained and school has to come first. We have a whole little talk about how to work and how to get fired and why it is better to resign gracefully than to quit, or to act out so badly they have to be fired.</p>

<p>Go for the grocery job. They’ll teach you what you need to know – and you’ll probably find there’s more to it than you think.</p>

19

<p>

I apologize. The whole situation is just frustrating for me. I feel like it shouldn’t be so difficult for me to get a job and my parents don’t seem all that concerned.</p>

<p>@wis75 That sounds like something my dad would say. But is that really true? (The bit about not being behind without work experience) Wouldn’t no work experience by age 22 or later send up a red flag to a potential employer? The only exception I can think of is if you had an MD or something else where the job market tends to be undersaturated.</p>

<p>@cnp55 I’ll definitely apply for the job. My plan is to go in and ask for the manager (“if he’s not too busy”), shake hands, introduce myself and ask him/her to let me know if any spaces open up. Then I will wait a week, call, ask for a manager and ask again if any spaces open up and remind him/her that I’m available. Those were the steps I took when applying to places over the summer, but it didn’t work out. As others have noted, it’s probably too late to hope to get a job before Christmas, but at least I’ll have an app on file.</p>

<p>I’m generalizing, but I’m sure the employers in my hometown are unfortunately less concerned with whether or not young people have jobs. It’s an old, MidWest, industrial town (think: Detroit or Pitt but lots smaller) and it’s kind of a dearth of…well…everything. (It’s got one of the highest unemployment rates in the state–around 13%.)</p>

20

<p>Hmm…I tried a couple places but no luck yet. Any more advice for me in the meantime?</p>