Girl, I feel ya.
I think that will be one difference for us, as in my generation. Dh and I would be happy to take an Uber. My mom doesnāt even have a smart phone, and now she canāt go out on her own. She always wanted to try the citywide transit vans for the elderly, but my brother didnāt want her using it!
After my mother gave up her car, she arranged a local service that does van pickup of senior and disabled riders. (An elderly friend uses it too). But it is cumbersome, requires appointments a week ahead of time with various day/destination restrictions. I now wish we had encouraged her to switch to a smartphone (she was on our Verizon plan). She was quite computer-savvy compared to others her age. At her low income housing, she was the go-to for google lookups, online ordering etc.
My dad used Uber a few times but he actually preferred the community senior van pick up. The VA by him also had their own service for medical appointments and he loved chatting with the driver and the other riders.
There is no uber in rural areas.
My mom still rants at me about stealing her car two years after her license was pulled. She agreed to a driver evaluation (thereās a program at a local hospital, they evaluate vision, reflexes, do a driving test etc). She failed, but insisted on driving anyway. I took the keys, and sent the report to the state, which permanently revoked her license. Sheād still be trying to drive if she wasnāt in assisted living.
Love it - thanks!
And sorry to hear about your mom.
Where my parents are looking, right now it usually takes 45-60 days to move it (they are renovating most units from top to bottom and residents can pick their finishes if there is still time).
If they want to use the sale of their house to fund the new place, they sign a promissory note that they will pay the entry fee upon the sale of the house - they have 90 days. If they need another 90, they sign another note. So they can move to their new place and then deal with emptying the house, repairs, etc. So they have plenty of time to deal with the house (4.5-5 months from when they sign on the doted line and then another 3 months if they need it).
Hugs to people going through this with parents who are not local - I donāt know how you do it!
At least I have been able to go over to my parentsā 2 miles away and chip away at going through their 58 years of stuff.
I think I will always have PTSD from clearing out 48 years of my parentsā STUFF (to put it politely), the week and a half around my motherās funeral. And deal with being angry at my dad for putting my sister and me in that position.
Full disclosure: I was at @MaineLonghornās dadās house during this process. OMG, it was A LOT. My motherās house is nowhere near that full. Or near that large!
I forgot you saw it!
I will never forget wading through everything and there was your sweet dad patiently going through papers, one by one. ![]()
For my FIL with Alzheimerās, we got his doctors to be the heavy and tell him he couldnāt drive any more. He was angry and tried to get his kids to help him get his license back. Uh, no lol. MIL is still driving at 89 and in fact just bought a new car.
My mother voluntarily gave up her car at age 92, and has learned how to Uber. So it can be done! She is not particularly tech savvy, but it wasnāt hard for her to figure it out. She is still pretty with it mentally though
@MaineLonghorn That was my dad 10 years ago when they moved from their 4500 sq. ft. home of 50 years. They were downsizing to a 1500 sq, ft apartment and while the movers were moving the last item from his office other than his desk, he was at the desk going through files one page at a time. I might have spoken louder to him than I should have, telling him to throw it all in a box as they had to finish!
Now 93 year old mom is moving out of that apartment for a independent living apartment of 600 sq. ft. The move is in 2 weeks and she still canāt seem to part with most of what she needs to. She has 2 large walk in closets, going down to one very small one. When one weights 108 lbs and is 4ā11", there is no need for size 12 clothing! My aunt is in charge of the clothing, while I am doing kitchen and āstuff.ā Mom must have 15 black purses alone that were in the back of her closet, so we know she hasnāt used them, but now she says she āneedsā them. We are making very little progress, yet mom complains to me that we canāt wait until the last minute to pack.
Or the 16 decks of cards, because 2 or 3 arenāt enough to play bridge with, or the 8 bathing suits when she hasnāt been to a pool in 13 years even though there is a beautiful one at her apartment.
I understand this is hard for her, and I am glad she agreed to go, but she knows she canāt take all of this stuff with her. It upsets me to have to argue with her and make her decide what to take; I am dealing with my own crap after my husbandās death and donāt have it in me for this. We will get through this, but I might have to escape to my sonās after I get her moved; his hyper 5 year old will be easier than this! ![]()
LOL, age alone does not explain this behavior. Husband (early 60ās at the time) was still going through papers in the study as the movers were loading the truck when we were moving eight years ago. That is likely why he forgot to set aside his carryon and it got loaded on the truck. So he had to make a quick run to Kohls and the drugstore before we set off the next day.
I donāt think Iāve posted here before.
My mother was a small hoarder. Even though she lived in a small apartment, it took 44 moving boxes to move her stuff to our state when she relocated here. And after she died, it took me almost 3 years to go through it all (and yes, I needed to go through every.single.item for surprises like a Diamond pendant).
My dad was a minimalist. It took roughly two days to remove his personal belongings from his house. His wife had previously died.
My MILā¦has ādownsizedā the house she lives in a number of times. Unfortunately, she has not downsized the huge volume of stuff that is in the house. At this point, that wonāt happen until she dies. Her six kids will have that task. The outlaws (those of us married into the family) will stay at our homes while this is all happening. There is so.much.stuff. So much.
My mother is very UNtech savvy, legally blind, and quite hard of hearing. She uses GoGo Grandparent for rides. They essentially message Uber or Lyft for you and charge a fee above the ride fee. Itās pretty simple to use, you donāt need to worry about apps or text messages. When you call, they have your address on file so you just tell them where youāre going. For the return ride, you call again and they know where you were dropped off and where to take you (assuming you are going home). You do have the option of talking to someone if you need something other than a round trip from home.
She is in the Boston area so Ubers and Lyfts are quite plentiful.
My friendās mom in LA used gogograndparent with her mom until the mom was too confused about where sheād be picked up. She went to an assisted living and then memory care when she could NOT care for herself anymore in her huge multistory home. She later transitioned to memory care, I believe.
My dad would fight an uber tooth and nail. Heād wait for my sister to be off work and then have her drive him. Not sure if ride services can get on the military post easily. When Iāve had to go on post, as someone without military/contractor documents, itās a hassle and a trip to the security office. Iād be glad to pay for rides, but heās not willing to go there yet.
I do make a point of letting Dad drive me somewhere while Iām visiting so I can get eyeballs on his skills. He will even let me drive him in his truck when weāre going someplace other than his usual routes.
He and my mom have always relished the independence of driving. Iām the same way. Not driving for a while after my knee replacement was incredibly stressful for me.
My FIL has not let MIL drive since an incident several years ago when they had a near miss due to MIL āforgettingā that she was driving the car, not him.
He is only driving on familiar non-highway roads at this point, Iāll give him that. My own mom also limits herself to familiar roads but she can barely see over the steering wheel, sits up against the wheel (airbag deployment will injure her) and canāt see behind her (backup camera stopped working years ago and nobody but me thinks thatās an issue). She will only park where she can pull through, knowing that she canāt see enough to back up.