MIL constantly lost her tv remote. She listens to the tv at the highest volume, so when H calls her, she can’t find the remote to mute the tv. H found low tech, brightly colored elastic cords to attach to the remote. It’s been a great solution if anyone has a parent who loses the remote.
No cell phone for MIL, since she’s never been able to figure out how to use it. She has a voice remote, which helps with channel changes (but she still hits buttons and messes things up from time to time).
Tomorrow I need to call rehab for another update on the 92 yo who seems to think she’s going to check herself out after less than 20 days of rehab (broken vertebrae).
She also thinks she’s going home on round the clock nursing care and doesn’t grasp she can’t afford it. (She’s texting an under the table private duty nurse to try to make arrangements). She may or may not be over the flu. Tonight she has laryngitis.
She’s been asking a neighbor for so much support, the neighbor broke down in tears. So, if 92 goes home, the neighbor will still be next door.
Dad 96 is at Assisted Living (day to day respite care). He’s surprisingly very happy.
The couple are unable to speak. She has laryngitis and he doesn’t have a cell phone. It’s possible, but not really workable.
We really think she should get a lateral transfer to another rehab. We are also trying to find out if she can be released to his AL. Maybe we can afford to add a nurse there for a couple of weeks?
Oh, and brother has POA, but is not grasping they don’t have the cash. I was with my father when he obtained the balances in his accounts and he’s bounced a check in the last week. Brother keeps telling me I don’t know what I am talking about, even though he’s the one who covered the bounced check. (At least we are talking?)
I also asked brother how he’s planning to get Dad’s taxes done — you know, the 2023 taxes? Crickets.
Yay, tomorrow is another day!
Brother in law, 68, super obese, is in rehab after cervical spine surgery. At initial transfer time from hospital, they gave March 5th as his projected date to get out of rehab. During the weekend, he told DH that he should get out Tuesday (which was 2/27) - I told DH that there was no way he would be physically able to go home then. This also was the time he asked his wife to bring him a candy bar - his wife asked the nurse while in the room (as she needed her husband to see that the authorities are telling him no).
Last time DH spoke to his brother, brother concurred that his discharge would be 3/5. Our sister in law is obese, and there is no way she could assist him if he is not fully re-habbed. She uses a walker (or a cane on steps), needs to have her 2nd knee surgically done. She has groceries delivered; they have a split level home, with laundry in the basement (the same level as their garage) - she does the laundry, but cannot bring it upstairs to the bedrooms. At home, she can manage herself with I imagine their local son coming over if necessary - I imagine she just carries small amounts up and down as necessary. Their front door enters in between basement level and main level.
Once her husband is home, she will need to be doing more with managed meals - she adjusts everything for his diabetes, but if he runs through what she has in the house… I told her that Mark has to have better self control, but this hospital and rehab time is clearing a lot of the fats and sugars from his taste system and he can adjust to eating more vegetables and eating healthier - but he has to control his portions. This guy has totally ignored what diabetes has done to his eyesight - he is on a high level of insulin and lots of monitoring. The wife would pack him a healthy lunch box, but could not prevent him during his work days from going to the vending machine, and he probably had a stash of candy in a work drawer. He went from control of diabetes with pills, to insulin shots, to higher and higher levels of insulin. My observation was that he is a compulsive eater - based on seeing what he consumed at evening meal (after he served himself more and more 2nds and 3rds had to move the main dish out of his reach - enough was made to have leftovers), dessert, after dinner drinks, and then later in the kitchen diving in on cookies.
He also has had a bit of confusion - as 3/5 is also a Tuesday but was not the ‘next’ Tuesday. He might see rehab as ‘boring’ but he is a very big guy (in addition to the weight, he is 6’2"). They have a riding lawnmower. He doesn’t hire out for things to be done, and he can be more active if he wants to. The recliner and his constant eating/snacking and the portions is what needs to change.
I wonder if ozempic/ or similar wegovy/ similar medicine that reduces desire to eat- is being considered?
His wife and he have very good medical care - and patient PCPs. His PCP is young; years ago his PCP suggested some kind of bariatric surgery for him but he was ‘so upset’ about it that he couldn’t even tell me what specific surgery was discussed with him. With his diabetes and very poor eye situation (Macular Degeneration and other eye problems - probably most related to his diabetes which was first diagnosed by his Eye MD specialist) I/we are totally out of discussing anything directly with him. He is intelligent but has thrown his personal health under the bus for many years. He married a big/obese woman - she had her own issues, but doesn’t overeat like he does.
I suspect he is losing weight in the hospital, along with losing muscle - so it is up to him how much he will do with walking or other exercise. IDK if he will still have his metal cervical collar for quite a time yet, and what activities his surgeon has with his recovery. IDK when his next surgeon MD visit is (he is in another city for rehab/close to home - had to travel to hospital for the surgery)
At the hospital, he is eating about 2/3rd or 3/4ths of what is served to him - so he is not ‘ravenous’ - he just is not fond of eating any more of what they give him. Thus his request for a candy bar brought in by the wife. A nurse suggested she could bring him a few pieces or a piece of sugar free chocolate - but IMHO I wouldn’t even do that, because it is not going to be satisfying for him. He wants the sugar and fatty taste.
IMHO it truly is eating what he wants, when he wants it, and when there is a lot of good food available - be it high calories with fats salt and sugar, he will eat, eat, eat compulsively. We took them out to eat and he ordered the biggest steak available - but he would have been smarter with a smaller steak because that smaller steak was a quality thick cut versus the thin fatty slab he got. We went out for breakfast and he ordered a very big breakfast. He just adjusts his insulin - which anyone new with diabetes is educated how to live with diabetes. He lives with it his own way.
His wife takes a lot of MD ordered supplements. She also smokes - something she foolishly started doing at age 20.
So sorry about their health problems… hope and prayers for a better day today and more progress tomorrow.
Self destructive behavior is so difficult to observe. Wish one could wave a wand and solve their problems….
Just had a satisfying convo with my mom tonight. She perked right up when dh got on the phone and talked and talked. Now, she didn’t make a lot of sense per usual, but I remember the hospice nurse saying she’d qualify if she had six or fewer words. My mom still has all the words. The last three times we’ve spoken she made the right connections, such as she knows ds1 and ds2 belong to me, etc. It’s kind of nice that, however fleeting, she seems to be able to still assemble pieces of my life.
My dad has found a caregiver to replace his previous one who passed away. She comes recommended, so I’m hoping for the best. She’ll be with him only two afternoons a week, but at least someone will have eyes on him regularly. I’m sure my sister will stop in occasionally, too.
Not looking for medical advice, but more suggestions as to where to turn.
Mom was sick over 3 weeks ago and while better, she still complains of weakness. She will have one good day, then the next day a shower will be all she can do. She was first seen at her PCP and put on antibiotic and steroids for the cough. The next week she had a chest x-ray as she wasn’t better; no pneumonia, but bronchitis. Earlier this week she was seen by the pulmonologist who had her start on nasal spray and an antihistamine. She does have allergies and asthma, but only uses a rescue inhaler as needed. While her lungs didn’t sound great there, he thought she was doing ok. She had a good day that day, getting up and dressed, walking into and out of the office building, then we went to the grocery store; so a good bit of walking for one day.
She has complained her lower legs have been swollen and maybe she should go see her nephrologist; her ankles tend to swell when she is on her feet too much. She is overdue for an appointment with the cardiologist.
I don’t want to chase and go to a bunch of specialist when maybe this is just a 93 year old taking time to recover from an illness. I also don’t want to ignore something that could be serious, or finding the right help. A little part of me wonders if this could be a bit of depression due to the move to the retirement community, although she isn’t complaining about that, and she would complain!
Here PCP office is a pain to deal with; many phone calls back and forth between the nurse and mom before getting an ok to be seen. Mom is really getting frustrated feeling like crap, so trying to figure out what to do next. This was always my husband’s job as a physician to take care of the family and gets us seen by other physicians; this is one of those times that I am upset he isn’t here anymore. 
Of course it is Friday afternoon so nothing will happen today; just trying to figure out who I call on Monday.
Perhaps consider, when did she last have bloodwork for iron, kidney function, etc., whichever markers her conditions call for following? Maybe start there and with cardiologist.
I feel like it takes longer for the elders to bounce back.
Glad she is not worse, & I hope her meds and rest will help her feel better this weekend.
Agree with @Hippobirdy. My first thought was that if she’s overdue for a cardiology appointment then one, you might have the best luck getting in there but also, two, all the things you describe could be because of heart/circulation issues.
Good luck!
Look for an internist office might help- maybe one you know- who likes to deal with geriatric patients? Who can sort this out.
That’s a good idea. If my mom wasn’t in assisted living (using their doctors) she’d be seeing a geriatrician to manage ger medical care.
It would be good to get oximeter readings (at rest and after walking). You might have one from Covid. It was really helpful with my elderly mother, complaints of tiredness - alerted us to the need for her to be on oxygen.
I have one like this
Mom last had her blood work 7 weeks ago, so before she moved and got sick. I do need to schedule her cardiology appointment; she just sees him for high blood pressure, and does check it daily at home.
Pulse ox has been good when at the doctor’s appointments and when I have checked. I haven’t left her with the pulse ox, but I could take it to her and ask her to check when she thinks she feels weak. The pulmonologist asked that she check in with the nurse next week as he is going to be out of town; I will make sure she calls.
I will not be able to convince her to switch her PCP. She likes the doc well enough, but their office is poorly run and has always been this way. I actually know people that left the practice due to the staff, not the physicians. She also will refuse an ER or UC visit, which is why it took 2 days at the start of this to get her seen.
I am having trouble understanding why she can have a normal day and then the next day say she can’t deal with how she feels. I guess maybe when she does a good bit that it wears her out the next day.
Compression kneehighs may be a big help. I get mine on Amazon, and they’re cheap. I don’t get the pretty patterns, just plain black. Hey, I’m a New Yorker!
Both the pulmonary problems and the swelling are signs of cardiac problems. Fluid caused by circulatory system can be backing up into her lungs.
My mother alternated days for her last years. Similar age. Drastic differences. In bed moaning, unable to get up and then the next day trucking down to the pub in a blazer, skirt and lipstick.
Also, I know when I got in my 60’s it took longer to get over viruses and bronchitis can take awhile to get over.
I know you don’t want medical advice but in my family, inhaled steroids prevented the need for albuterol/bronchocilators. The bronchodilators make the heart go fast and can make people weak.
Finally, maybe be aware that lower oxygen with anemia does not show up on oximeters. This was a big frustration for me. My mother had an emergency ride to the ER unable to breathe but the oximeter read fine!
I have thought about that as my dad had congestive heart failure and he had significant leg swelling when sicker. What baffles me is mom’s swelling goes down when she is off her feet. She is already on a diuretic, but I know that doesn’t mean she is under control. Her breathing is much better unless she has a coughing jag, so as far as the bronchitis, she is definitely better.
I forgot about the compression socks, which were recommended in January. She couldn’t get them on between the tightness and a bad knee, so couldn’t get her foot up to put the sock on. She bailed on wearing them. 
Note to call cardiologist on Monday; should have called today!
I think your mom and my mom have the same PCP! We are always trying to decide if any particular problem is worth the endless phone calls to be seen, or if she is just feeling poorly because people in their 90’s bounce bck slowly.
I have found it to be helpful to be very specific about what is going on when speaking with doctor offices. The leg swelling, the breathlessness, the fatigue, the malaise of 3 weeks. It could be anemia, it could be something else, it could be nothing. I am sorry it falls to you to figure out next steps, but I would be calling cardiology too, telling them you are concerned.
Geriatric specialists are unheard of in most of rural America. It’s hard enough to find a pcp who doesn’t just want to send you to someone else.
