Doesn’t seem like a harsh or bizarre response to me. They don’t want a vacation home 1500 miles away in an atea they’re not interested in. Why pretend. Seems pretty rational to me.
I think she’s talking about FILs response.
Yes, that makes more sense! Thanks!
Definitely talking about FIL, not greenbutton, that seems like a serious overreaction to the issue.
I have realized that the first indication of dementia with my parents was irrational, kind of jerky behavior. Didn’t even recognize this as dementia, wondered why my parents were acting this way. My dad was saying some pretty awful things (which was in the range of his personality), but he took it way too far. Everyone in the family ended up blocking his texts except for me. My mom is fixated on silly things, and saying some really rude things to my niece. I do wonder if sometimes we think a parent is just behaving badly, being selfish, combative, but it’s actually the beginning of dementia.
Oh my, it is enough of a pain to get rid of one’s own stuff with downsizing, but to deal with parents’ auction addiction stuff and potentially no will. If DH and BIL can’t encourage their parents to get things done properly with will and estate planning, oh well.
I guess the parents are thinking about their vacation homes and may be annoyed that DH doesn’t want one of them due to location far from own nuclear family.
When DDs act like they don’t want to deal with our home and our things, I tell them “they will have plenty of money to hire someone to deal with whatever DH and I don’t get rid of!” We are fortunate we live in a very fast growing area and have a very nice home that will sell when we are ready to move out (which is years away based on DH’s hobby that is here with established group, and he has mentored high school teams for over 12 years as well).
I am helping a neighbor this weekend with a yard sale as they downsize their home (have already bought and furnished a place states away) - asked DDs about a few small pieces of furniture there.
My brother actually found a good family owned and operated business that ran home place auctions - and it was run well. We had a good weather day and tables set up outside - lots of local interest and stuff sold.
Sorry that things sound a bit stressful and uncertain. Hope you have a chance to rest and recharge.
I’m sorry, that all sounds hard, especially for your son. I hope your sister is able to rally and adjust and that you get some rest, too.
The rude stuff is losing the filters as part of dementia. One just has to do the best one can to protect oneself - I would not be alone in room with mother-in-law during her obvious decline. With others in the room, if she said something rude to me, at least others heard it. Her thoughts became unrealistic, weeks before she went into skilled care (and she died a few weeks after being in skilled care when her meds stopped working for her hypertensive heart disease, at age 92) - like DH being her caretaker 24/7. He is an engineer, but he did become her caretaker for a few months between her hospital stays, which was about a month after he retired at age 64.
Your son is going to look back and be so glad he took the trip and time to be with your mom - and you! <3
The simpler solution would be for your MIL & FIL to sell the vacation property as is. But it appears that your FIL wants to be right more than he wants to be happy. Let him go ahead and stew in his temper tantrum. Your DH is wise to stick to the position he has on this issue.
My mom passed Friday night. Thanks to everyone who has participated on this thread.
I’m so sorry! Lots of hugs. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
I’m so sorry😢. May she rest in peace and may you all be comforted.
Sorry for your family’s loss. Wishing you comfort in the coming days and peace as you remember your mother.
Hugs and peace to your family. We are still here for you as you and your family continue to navigate and you need support.
Condolences. Prayers for peace and comfort.
I hope it was peaceful for her and for all of you @Youdon_tsay . If your hospice offers bereavement counseling, I recommend it. Condolences to you and yours.
My sincere condolences to you and your family. Hugs to you.
I hear you. Old timers on this site will remember my whole thread about the family cottage trust my MIL set up. We declined. Didn’t score points with the family, but we were right to do so. My DH does help his family with the maintenance of the cottage, but that’s because he feels like it, not because he is obligated to do so.
My MIL set this trust up in a way that will still give her control of funds even when she dies. It’s a long story.
On the caring note…my 91 year old MIL needs more and more care as the time ticks on. As with many of you, finding qualified caregivers is a huge issue. There just aren’t enough of them.
My sincere condolences. May her memory be a blessing. xoxoxoxo