I SO remember that thread. In the midst of it, we became involved in a family squabble over a cottage as well. There was a book back then that everyone recommended reading about the issue of families/properties. Can’t remember the name.
Only mentioning because of the recent mention of elderly/vacation/extra properties and inheritance - or not!
It’s called “Saving the Family Cottage” and I think it’s a MUST READ before any decisions are made about what to do with the family cottage and the next generation. It came too late for our family…plus my MIL wouldn’t have read it anyway. But it’s a great book. IIRC, I passed my copy on to another CC member.
Here:
https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Family-Cottage-Succession-Planning/dp/141331841X
Hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry. My condolences, and please be kind to yourself over the next weeks and months.
It seemed like the end was near, but really it is never easy to really get there. May you have peace in your heart plus good stamina to deal with the coming days and week. (And if you can, carve out some time for a nice walk or other exercise.)
So sorry for your loss. I hope the coming days are filled with good memories.
I’ll be traveling to upstate NY again next weekend to check on mt 96yo father in Assisted Living. His wife (92), currently in rehab, fell again yesterday. I haven’t heard the x-ray results yet. (Broken vertebrae in February, broken pelvis in March).
My father and his wife are in facilities 30 miles apart. I hope they can reside together again, but I don’t know how we will find an appropriate facility, I’ll take him to see here next week.
He’s got some dementia, and very poor eyesight, but he walks pretty well, and doesn’t need much assistance. He’s very mild mannered (at this point) so he’s not disruptive.
She has been stubborn, and may be coming to reality about her abilities. If she can’t rehab enough to get to a one-person assist, I’m not sure where she will go next.
It’s time to sell the house. (That will be the next chapter).
@Youdon_tsay I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss, @Youdon_tsay. It’s never easy to lose a parent, even when you know it’s going to happen. Hugs to you.
We are all sorry for your loss, @Youdon_tsay Thank you for sharing your journey so that those of us who are still on the path have insight as to what’s next.
Talked to my parents today. Dad was very much awake and coherent and making jokes. His speaking voice was strong enough to be easily understood over the phone. I know these differences day to day don’t mean improvement long term, but it was a good conversation.
@Youdon_tsay I just checked my insta and saw your son’s loving tribute, and flew over here to check on you. You and your family did a tremendous job in honoring your mom’s wishes. May you find peace and comfort, and celebrate your mom with some ice cream.
Many hugs YDS, be sure to hydrate and take your time now.
Big hugs @Youdon_tsay. 
I’m very sorry. It was a blessing that all of you were able to be there for her.
@Youdon_tsay
So sorry to hear of your loss. May you be comforted during this season, and may wonderful memories come to the surface often.
My update is that my mother casually let me know that the condition that put her in the hospital a couple of years ago is flared again and she’s having symptom not unlike the original ones. She has yet to see her specialist for this, and it’s not clear her primary knew how much steroid she should be on. This stresses me out more than I care to admit. (My dad is the weaker one physically/mentally, so when Mom gets in trouble it all feels dramatically worse.)
@Youdon_tsay thank you for sharing with us your experience as you have gone through this difficult yet inevitable passage. Wishing you consolation and serenity.
We moved my mom into independent living near where she was living 1.5 years ago. She is very happy there, has tons of friends in the neighborhood and new friends at IL.
Mom’s health is declining. It’s been going downhill although her mental acuity is pretty good. I’m 12 hours away, my sibling 10 driving. Sibling doesn’t drive long distances, there are no nonstop flights.
Sibling has a brand new IL open 5 minutes from her house. Took mom there and I guess it’s very nice. Sibling really wants mom to move near her. I have no IL near me.
This is the issue 
. Mom is currently in a studio 446 sqft. At the new place the studio is 392 sqft. You can see the bed from the door and mom doesn’t like that. So she wants the one bedroom which is $1100 a month more.
Mom’s financial advisor says she can’t afford the one bedroom unless she cuts back on her expenses or her money will run out at 96.
I told mom she could give up her car. I do wonder if this is just excuses. Also mom wants to move in September and the new place won’t hold a place until September. And I suspect there will be no opening that she will want in September. We were so lucky to have nabbed a spot where mom is now, there is currently a 2 year waiting list.
What do I want from this lengthy post? Sympathy? Tell me to mind my own business because it’s a no win situation?
Deb922, how old is mom now? I saw the financial advisor saying her money could run out at 96.
I think, as your Mom declines, you will be glad she is near your sibling.
$1100 a month seems like a lot, but I don’t feel that I know enough to help here.
She’s 86 now. We can’t quite figure out the financial details from the FA. That’s only 10 years. But she has enough capital to pay the extra expenses without any gains until she’s over 100. We have her in very conservative positions. Only my mom talked to the FA and her recollections may vary from what he said
If mom goes to a nursing home, it will have to be a Medicaid program as she will eat up her capital in a hurry.
My sibling will call the FA. And maybe run the numbers with their FA. And one of the grandkids has a finance degree. This shouldn’t be difficult.
The studio is less than she’s paying now. Will be able to keep her car. And have plenty of money left. She needs to get over 52 less sqft and seeing the bed from the door. Imo
Mom has to move. Either now or later. Right now there is a situation that is good. There may not be later. And yes being near sibling is a good solution. Nearer me and one of my kids also
How about a clever room layout to obscure at least part of the bed? A bookcase or something? Looking up studio set ups may help, though of course senior living will have safety requirements. Maybe ask director what others have done. Can’t address financials, but this issue may be a way to talk about her hesitation to leave the known and if she feels heard, can brainstorm and consider it further, it may work out. As someone who tended 4 elders, this concern may well not be an enduring beef after she is settled. You can also get a little design/layout help from an expert; ultimately a huge saving and perhaps also a meaningful process for your mother. We have done this long distance and close. I’d go with nearby if it makes sense. All the best.